The Holy Blog - The Secret Blog of Pope Benedict the XVI

What does this Interweb think of De Pope?

noreply@blogger.com (Pope Benedict XVI) — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 12:43:00 +0000

TEE HEE, this makes De Pope laugh, ha ha! Clickey to EMBIGGUN, like Yeshua would do, yes, yes!

And this is for De Pope's favorite Cissy Strut, and old school German lass:

Meine Braut, wie jene alten bösen Geschlecht Filme, die du im alten Land, De Papst tatest, reitet deinen Esel in den Fluss des Goldes!Uns ja ja für die schmutzigen Kinder beten lassen!

Australia, home to sluts, crooks, and heathen

noreply@blogger.com (Pope Benedict XVI) — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 16:12:00 +0000

Hello kiddos, I make you smile merrily along, De Pope has gotten back to his bloggy-blog while here in Hell on Earth, Australia. What idiots this country has yes, yes, poo - poo, all about that crazy animal sodomizer Steven Irwin; Satan hair band Air Supply; and disgusting non-German beer, yuckity yuck yuck, yes, yes. PUKE!

It is Hot, yes, yes, just like Hell, and no one practices proper personal hygene, the incense is all over De Popemobile; this place is worse that Zimbabwe. My GOD in Heaven who looks favorable upon De Pope! Just look at it's history, look, LOOKSEE! England would send it's unwanted; blacks, retards, rapists, and witches, burn the witches! What piece of garbage country, heathens galore, even worse that America. I am Melting!

It is like a country of Malachs and Tequila Mockingbirds, methinks it is time to send the HIV virus over there, yes, yes kiddos, monkeys made it, wink wink. Debauchery, violence, faggotry, and blasphemy. Ugh.

But enough of that, let us pray my dearies.

Let us pray that the United States of America comes to it's senses.

All might Halo Wearer,
Please give the US guidance.
They are very close to having a porch monkey run that country,
and we all know you made us the superior race to them.
It is in the Bible yes, yes.
Strike down upon the nappy head of the Heathen they call OBAMA!
All Mighty Spiritman, we pray.

That is all for today, and be rest assured De Pope has become more inspired, and I have put into my date book to blog once a week at least, yes, yes, that makes you happy, no? Can you feel it your loins?

Você é minha vaquinha pequena, você não causa o problema em seus tecidos fritados porque você come a lama

De Pope Wonders

noreply@blogger.com (Pope Benedict XVI) — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 19:48:00 +0000

What is up with this?

HUMMMNHGH? What. You little faggot gay boy porch monkey Internet homos can't do this to De Pope's face, no, no you can't. You ascared little heathens! De Pope is most highly and holy, and yes, you enjoy breaking the will of the Lord, little lice ridden retards!

De Pope will pray for you now . . .

Remove your shoes and bow you head for the De Pope, yes, yes

All Powerful God of Vengeance!
Smite those who might besmirch thine name!
Teach the gay techie boys a lesson!
May they lose their hands!
No more masturbating to Internet porn, yes, yes!

AMEN!

Guter Tag die kleine

OOO EEE OOO AHH AHH

noreply@blogger.com (Pope Benedict XVI) — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 12:43:00 +0000

Ho, ho, ho, De Pope is back to the bloggy blog! You missed us. Yes, yes, he is now in your stinksmelly Amerikkka! De Pope coming to Amerikkka! TODAY!

Where have De Pope been? BUSY, busy as a disrobed altar boy, tee hee, I kid! De Pope has a new apprentice yes he does, check it out:

That's right W. FEEL THE POWER OF THE DARKSIDE in my magic stick, yes, yes. I can feel the juices coursing through your glutes! YES!

De Pope is sorry for his absence, yes, yes, he will be back with the vengeance of a Nun scorned! WEEHEEEEE!

De Pope loves you.

Bow your heads and pray.

Dear Lord of the Almighty Dark Side
W. is now your servant
He of the slick tongue and newculear might
We pray he tickles like a girly girl

Amen.

Cowboy Up! Are you happy now ass-pirate.

Where is de Pope?

noreply@blogger.com (Pope Benedict XVI) — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 17:55:00 +0000

Many of you have wondered where De Pope has gone. We shush my child, shhhhh, shhh. De Pope will reveal all soon, but just know, he has been, who you say? Hibernating . . . off with his favorite JesusBride, yes, yes, he has. She is asleep beside me right now, but will awaken to my glorious Jesus Sword soon, so De Pope must go, yes, yes. Soon, very soon

When it comes De Pope wants to wail - MAIL!

noreply@blogger.com (Pope Benedict XVI) — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 14:33:00 +0000

Hello again kiddos, De Pope has been busy preparing his trip to Amerikkka, he has. He knows you need he Spiritual guidance you do. But, De Pope also realizes you need to wallow in self pity an guilt for awhile, you do.

De Pope read a blog by that hershey highway ramrod Malach. It was very interesting, it was surprisingly, it was about writing a letter back in time to your 13 year old self, yes, yes. You can read his post here. Unfortunatley Malach did not inform himself not to kills all those people at the local mall, he did not. De Pope thought this might be a good teaching moment for my Jesusphiles, yes, yes, so De Pope has decided to write one himself and commands his readers to reflect on their sinful lives and do one themself, yes a booty.

So here it goes:

Hello little Josef,

This is De Pope, from the year 2007, contacting you I am. And guess what, you were right, like usual, cause De Pope is you, yes, yes. So, in your time it is 1940, you have already decided to be Pope, and that was a good decision, yes it was, but we need to make it faster. So, some warnings. I know you are in the early parts of what will be known as World War II. Hitler, is in full power, and doing wonderful things on one had, but bad things on the other, yes, yes. If you like his moustache, where it now! You will end up joining Hitler Youth, don't worry though, the War will be over in a few more years. You will join the seminary early, like a good boy, but will get drafted in 1943, yes, I know you will be only 16, but Mother Germany as it is now, won't be long for this world, and you can fake sick a lot, and sit arond with the guys, yes, yes. Just whatever you do, make sure the people you associate in these years are not Jewish, Gypsies, or Negros, zap. By 1945, you make a decision to desert your post and head home, unfortunately you head right into the Amerikkans taking over you village and become a POW, luckily the Americakkkans are not yet fornicate pig, so it is ok. The Amerikkkans are nice, and the war ends in a month or two, and you are released, SUMMER VACTION! Good job, you are a good little boy.

You go right back to the seminary almost right away, missing your male compadre's, yes, yes, good boy. Now, push to be ordained; in my timeline you are not ordained until 1951, 6 years after the War, those cheeky bastards. Screw them all and force them to ordain you, with forceful presence if need be. And screw 25 years of university teaching, how boring! Instead start your teaching career with the young kids, yes, yes.

Also, be prepared this time for Second Vatican Counsel. Those heathen bastards want to change everything, make it more liberal, ACHTUNG, no, stop them. Use your sniper skills if you have too, yes, yes. And yes, you become liberal at this point, don't fall for the Marxist teachings, they ruin the Church over the next half decade, ugh. Keep to your guns!

They will finally recognize you genius in 1977 and make you a Cardinal, speed this up too. There is plenty of blackmail out there at this time, all those homo preists, and child rapers, threaten to expose the whole thing, and they will make you Pope sooner than 2005. Also, make sure you see and end to Karol Wojtyla, his Holy Shakiness will almost destroy the Church, and they can just skip him over and make you De Pope.

Once you are Pope, you know what to do Jesus boy. I need not tell you more, yes, yes, wink, wink. As for the rest of the world, it matters not, because if you open the 7th seal earlier, it will all be different! From here I cannot tell you more, as you will change history for the better, WHOPPEEDEEDOOPER!

Love and Kisses
Pope Benedict XVI (yes, yes, thats you).

So, there you have it.

Happy Saint Nicholas Day, yes, yes.

ThanksGiving Wishes

noreply@blogger.com (Pope Benedict XVI) — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 18:48:00 +0000

Yes, De Pope is coming to Amerikkka, today! , got dream I come to share, De Pope is coming to Amerikkka, yes, yes. But more on that in another blog, yes, yes.

You see, it is Thanksgiving, that psuedo holiday with strong Christian overtones, bleedup! De Pope will tell you what you should be thankful fore, and even what De Pope might be thankful for, yes, you like to watch.

We are thankful for the Magic Man, the Tree Hanger, the child of the all mighty God, The Sheep, the Rainbow Warrior, the Pipe Smoker; JESUS CHRIST. It is because of him that you people can ignore him, and worship crap like Mohammed, yes, yes. You see the wizard Jesus is here to save, just drink his body and eat his blood, yes, yes, and you are saved heathen!

You are thankful, secondly for De Pope himself, his wordz of wizdum, and the moral compass he give to your evil little lives. Because of De Pope, and his wordz of wizdum, you are lead down the right path, so follow it, dummies. DON'T BE GAY!

We are all thankful for the innocent and defenseless children. Baby Jesus was a child you know.

We are thankful for Uncle Adolf, with out him, there would be much more heathens in this world. Go get 'em mein fuhrer! Yeppup!

I am most thankful for De Popemobile, the fly whip that it is. Men of God get fly whips, you remember that sissies.

You may add you intentions here. Let us bow our heads and pray:

Rub a Dub Dub Thanks for the Grub Yeah God
Amen.

So have a nice Thankgiving, and remember the sacrifice of Baby Jesus when you eat that flesh of the plump dirty bird, just like eating the flesh of a feathered Christ, yes, yes. De Pope blesses all your food with pus filled boils, mmmmm good.

Uw zijn mijn zonneschijn, mijn enig zonneschijngoed door slechte adem

Yes, De Pope hears you pleading for him

noreply@blogger.com (Pope Benedict XVI) — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 21:12:00 +0000

De Pope is very busy and he has heard your cries, he has, boohoo. You miss De Pope, his presence, but De Pope is always there. Do you miss his scent, yes, De Pope uses a quality hair shampoo, yes, yes. De Pope has come back to you, WHOPEEE!

De Pope has been in that evil country Saudi Arabia, to meet with some towel heads, yes, yes. Refute their silly little Mohammed lovefest, and turn them on the the Baby Christ Childe, yes, yes. Look at this AP picture of De Pope and the ragheaded devil:Look at De Pope's rippling biceps as compared to this Christ Killer. And no, De Pope does not have to use hair color either. As you can see, Mr. Arab is enchanted and under my spell, yes he is. I do that to the heathen, make them comfortable and suround by the goo of Christ, yes. Just after this picture De Pope cold cocked him with the Left Cross of St. Pete, take that sand walker! And then De Pope just listened to his Pod I, yes he did, denied him the presence of De Pope. Have you ever seen a sucide bombing barbarian cry . . . he want De Pope back, he did.

So De Pope is back home, back home to the kiddos, back home to his favorite new TouYube video, back to his day long marathons of Pirahna Panic, yes, yes, and back to help with the inquisition of the evil ginger kid Conan O'Brien, go Rev. David! De Pope did a good job making Sean O'Malley a Cardinal he did!

And with the Christmas Season coming around, soon my kiddos, soon, De Pope leaves you with this prayer.

Oh Holy Santa Claus,
Spying on us in our desperation for toys.
Be good Santa Claus as we are
and perhaps
you get kiss under the missletoe.
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Red Nosed Reindeer.

Amen, yes, yes

Kwa heri

Did you miss De Pope

noreply@blogger.com (Pope Benedict XVI) — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 16:13:00 +0000

Hello kiddos, it is me De Pope, I have heard you prayers and emails, and have returned to thine loving arms, hoho, yes yes! De Pope was a on a missionary traveling postion, yes he was, to save the heathen souls of baby seals, but that is another story, yes, yes.

Did you go to Mass yesterday? It was a Holy Day of Obligation, yes it was. Did you get your fat little asses over there? Ho ho, De Pope kids, but seriously did you go? Did you go and celebrate the life of St. Kiriaki, that bondage slave? I know she would be the patron Saint of some of you women, yes, yes. Did you celebrate the life of that false healer St. Marcouf? Or did you celebrate in the name of that false multi winged beast St. Tekle Haymanot, he is evil yes, yes.

I hope you did, De Pope does not want to see you in Hell with Fred Rogers, no he does not.

Here's a Parable for you:

WHAT? De Pope is very confused . . . How about this Parable, with that cutie Kirk Cameron, yes, yes.

Good Day Sir!

A, B, CHRIST!

noreply@blogger.com (Pope Benedict XVI) — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 18:31:00 +0000

So De Pope has been tagged by that crevice cleaner Malach to do, how you say a meme? De Pope is interested in this meme, he is, and feels it will be a good teaching lesson for the kiddos, wahwahwahwhan. A Parable if you will, not really.

The basic premise of this . . meme, is to recite the English Alphabet; English of course is just based on Mother Germanic; and apply something that relates to De Pope's life for each letter. WHOHOO FUN TIME! yes, yes.

A: Absolution, De Pope is here to give the kiddos Absolution, yes, yes. Now bow your heads and repeat "Lord, you are my satin sheets" after every letter.
B: Basilica, De Pope has a large wide inpressive Basilica, he does. Best in the world to stupid Muslims, yes, yes.
C: Christ Childe. You must prostrate before the Christ Childe, NOW! OH MIGHT CHRIST CHILDE MASSAGE OUR BODIES WITH THE LIGHT!
D: Father Damien of Molokai. Damien, Damien, you left your arm in my parlor! Yes, yes, true story! Rip, plop, teehee.
E: Easter. JesuGod has risen, yes, yes. Here come Peter Cottontail, hopping down the bunny trail! Hippity Hoppity Jesus on his way, YEEEHAA!
F: Fatwa! De Pope's Fatwa states that Here Today Gone Tomorrow will continue to serve Pennace in my blogroll, mwhahahaahahahahaha. Take that Anti-Nun!
G: Grace. De Pope confers eternal grace to the first person who comments to this blog, maybe, yes, yes, no.
H: Hell. Where many of you will end up, with Ha-Satan, yes, yes, BURN! REPENT crazy kiddos!
I: Inquistion, I brought back the Tridentine Mass, is the Inquistion next . . . De Pope won't tell, no, no. Just becareful, the wheel is not a good time, no, no.
J: Well obviously JesuGod dummies.
K: Kateri Tekakwitha. Man was she, how you say, HOT! Yes, yes, Uh-huhuh
L: Lando Calrissian, a light skinned porch monkey who betrayed his friends, and is going to Hell, yes, yes. SCOUNDREL! Chewy are you there, hohohoho!
M: Mary the Virgin Mother. You all make here cry, yes, yes. Believe me, I have to hear it on a daily basis! WAH, their committing sins, Wah!
N: Nematodes. De Pope has a schedules a plague of Nematodes for Westport, MA, REPENT, REPENT! You ever get one of those in your Urethra? It is not fun, I am talking to you!
O: Obligation, especially to Sunday Services, I am talking to all of you again yes, yes, sodomites, squish.
P: Why of course, De Pope.
Q: Quisp, De Pope's favorite snack, yummynummy for De Pope's tummy.
R: Red De Pope's favorite colour.
S: Serpent, avoid this guy he's a bad dude, unless he is the Jesus Serpent . . how can you tell? The Halo, yes, yes.
T: The Trinity, Holy JesuGod Spirit please save the kiddos who deserve it all loving and forgiving God!.
U: Ungoliant, De Pope's Holy Cat.
V: The Vatican, where De Pope is king, yes, yes.
W: Water to wash aways your sins, usually. And to wash the stench from the Vatican Locker room, slam in the locker with the nerd! WHOHO!
X: Saint Xanthippe, what is this bullshit? De Pope's butt is more a Saint than Witchblade Woman here, I AM DE POPE!.
Y: Young, are we all not Young at heart in the eyes of the Lord? Let the children come to me, yes, yes!
Z: ZZZZAAAAPPP, Holy Plasma Projectiles, your dead, ahahahahahah!

So, De Pope tags anyone who reads this to do the same.

Go in Peace reflecting on the Christ Childe

Here I come to save the day!

noreply@blogger.com (Pope Benedict XVI) — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 23:39:00 +0000

De Pope is back kiddos, yes, yes, and I have gotten a number of e-mails applying for a position in Pauperes Commilitones Christi Templique Solomonici and I will explore these crazy e-mails for you at a latter date, applications are still open my freaks, so apply away . . perhaps De Pope will make a application for or something for you to down-on-the-load, yes, yes. BZZZARPT

So, more about De Pope's life? You know you like to look under, the how you say, the dress of De Pope, yes you do. You kiddos and your slang! LOWZ, SFTE! De Pope likes life, so De Pope likes children, and likes amusement parks, yes, yes, like the kiddos. It keeps De Pope young. Yes, I know it is hard to believe with these dashing good looks, I am in my 80's, I wear it well, yes, yes. This is De Pope on Lucifer's Loopy Luge over at Botswana Buffalo Chuck Steak Amusement Park, WEEEEEEEEEEEEESHOOOM!Look at the children smile at De Pope. What a ride yes, yes . . I sure should not have had that Zebra Burrito before going on, no, no, or that Meekrat Skewer, yumser! Fr. Jaczmeov snapped this silly little pic of De Pope a few minutes later.

Yes, that is De Pope with his 55 Gallon Dung Skweezzin's Soda, feeling the effects of the ride, but did I ride the porcelain Popemobile, no, no, De Pope just took some Holy Bismol and that was the ticket, yes, yes. URK, RALPH! Oh no, your shoes! Hohoho, just a joke!

But the trip was a swell time for us and the kiddos, you should have seen the smile on De Pope's face when we left. . . I want to back, yes, yes, but you dummies need someone to lead your flock, can't you give De Pope a month or two off like you give the President of the United States? C'MON! NEWCUELEAR!

Until next time, शौचालय कहाँ है?

Pauperes Commilitones Christi Templique Solomonici

noreply@blogger.com (Pope Benedict XVI) — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 14:48:00 +0000

Hello again chickas and chicos, De Pope is here to school you, esse. Yes, De Pope wants to discuss with the kiddos about the Poor Fellow-Soldiers of Christ and of the Temple of Solomon, or as you dummies know it, the Knights Templar, yes, yes.

You see, the older Anti-Popes has supressed the good name of the Knights yes, yes. But after some fistacuffs with Cardinal Law, De Pope kicked his unholy ass and released the secret Vatican Documents, yes, yes. WHAP!

What? You maybe wondering why De Pope would do something like that, you may. Well shepoopy, you dummies should be smarter than that, De Pope was raised in Nazi Germany and realizes the value of a Secret Police, HAH, he does. So wham bam thank you ma'am, De Pope has forgiven them, and they immediately set out to enforce the Law of JesuGod! YEEHAA! Get in that cell negro!

And they almost immediately did a good deed, yes, yes. They immediately went out and caught the fag boy Monsignor Tommaso Stenico trying to get away with his evil gay sex plan of but raping, dirty sanchezs, and sausage mouth, yucky mucky, yes, yes! Now De Pope is recruiting, do you want to be a Pauperes Commilitones Christi Templique Solomonici? Yes you do, contact De Pope for an appilcation, young men are encouraged to apply, yes, yes!

Also De Pope needs to thank, yes he does, that Holy AngryforJeusGodman and that slutty vixen C. Harlot for exposing the real evil of Princess of Hell Dieanna is their, how you say, pudcast? That was straight falling hombies! They are like Jesus and the prostitutes, Look De Pope gave your a free parable.

And that anti-nun also wants me to remove her from De Pope's Blogroll, but no, De Pope will use her to teach a lesson about evil, yes, yes. See children this is not how you should live your life, and unwashed drug addled hippy.

As the kids say, Syonara Suckers.

God, it's me, De Pope

noreply@blogger.com (Pope Benedict XVI) — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 18:32:00 +0000

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Yes De Pope has heard your prayers about De Pope blogging again, boo hoo, you miss De Pope, and it's been too long, but De Pope is very busy; busy busy, like a bumblebee. Yes, you kiddos missed De Pope you did, you missed his wizened guidance, yes, yes. You missed his musky scent did you not, yes? So where has De Pope been? De Pope will tell you.

De Pope went to Blackie's land, Africa, that is where my red hat comes in handy you see. It is very sunny, hot and parched in Africa, God's revenge on the heathens that live there, yes, yes.

But De Pope was protected, yes, yes, De Pope's Hat protects from those Satanistic VU rays, yes. Those VU rays that that Earth Ha-Satan Bush created, yes, yes. Evil. NUCULEAR! That is the real WMD!

So De Pope went to African why? Ohohoho! De Pope need to remind those little Jungle Monkeys who is the boss. Dig those diamonds and send to DE POPE, WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Send the hidden oil, yes. More ruin upon Dafur! Starve those tar babies! Heeeeeheee!

You see Africa in already doomed to Hell, yes, yes. De Pope makes sure he get all the resources from that accursed land before JesuGod Nuke the whole place to slag, WEEEOOOOOOOOOO THADOOOOOOMMMMM! Oh no poor Dumbo! Oh no poor Simba, HAHA!

De Pope also went there for all the Jiggaboo children yes, yes. The kiddos, will make good coon priests, yes, yes. We need them to help us reign in Satan's child, the Black Man, yes, yes. WHAT! No, De Pope is not a racist, he is just following the Holy Bible, yes, yes. It is JesuGod's will. SUPERDEEDUPER! Hey, hey, hey, De Pope has been in control for years . . . give them a little fried chicken and a 40, yes, yes.

Also, the Pope must thank the slutgirl whore wench Tequila Mockingbird, yes, yes. You might be slowly making your way into the Heavenly Host . . . AAAAAAAAA. You see she exposed the Pollack Anti-Pope for who is truly is, see for yourself, gotcha evil man. Heehee, that man was cursed by JesuGod, see him shaking all the time, who does he think is, that child Alex P. Keaton? De Pope is glad we finally killed him in his last days, yes, yes.

What! Of course we killed Karol, what kind of name is that for a Pope, Karol, ugh. So De Pope and the other Cardinal, we gave Karol a rake, and told him to go rake leaves, he climbed a tree and fell out, breaking his neck, yes, yes. Uh, we shot him too, all for love and peace. Now you ungrateful people are free from his Evil, and yes, DE POPE . . . . .AAAAAHHHH, SAVIOR OF THE UNIVERSE!

Ciao

De Pope and the 7 Secrets he keeps

noreply@blogger.com (Pope Benedict XVI) — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 14:48:00 +0000

So De Pope was tagged by Malach the Sausage Sucker, oh yes he did, but not in that way to perverts, yes, yes. He needs to play this stupid game, but De Pope has decided to turn the tables on that Sphincter Stretcher. He will give you 7 secrets, but not ask others to do that same, no, no, I only ask that you go to confession and confess you ghastly sins, anyone who reads these word, COFESSTICATE! You can confess in my comments section and De Pope will pass judgement, Zowee.

Also, De Pope has started a blogroll, and De Pope has decided to add anyone who posts at De Pope blog to that list yes, yes. I also found out Malach works for a Catholic Charities Organization, guess who's getting fired on Monday . . .. SHE BOOM! Yes, yes.

Listen, do you want to know a secret?

1. De Pope was not born to as you would call Parents. God just placed De Pope on Earth, BAMF, smoke, he was there. He placed De Pope in Germany, knowing what was going to happen a few years later, yes, yes. De Pope could teach the German People, and at the same time help to wipe out the dirty Heebs, yes, yes. FIRE! De Pope taught the blessed Aryans about the Almighty Lord Jesus, Praise Jesus! It is all in the Book of Herepedes, yes, yes

2. De Pope has blessed the beer, De Pope has blessed the beer, Hi Ho the Derio De Pope has blessed the beer, GLUG. You see, this is the true Blood of Christ, a nice tall pilsner. What you are confused, yes you are. God, is a beer drinker, Jesus drank wine because between you and me, he was a bit of a, how you say? Metrosexual, yes, yes. This embarassed God a little bit, and gave him a little identity crisis, as we all know Jesus and God are the same being, yes, yes, but different, true. Well De Pope has a mission from God to restore the true blood of Christ to it's rightful place, at Mass. Rattadingdong! Yes.

Oh, and none of that Guinness Garbage made by those Mick Demon Spawn, no, no. If you want steak, cook a steak. Dummy.

3. Jesus was never married, he was too interested in himself. Look how he took over the Bible. Everything is Jesus this, and Jesus said that . . . would a guy like that ever get married, no! It is good though and all part of Jesugod's plan . . . Yes.

4. Masturbation will really not make you go blind, grow hair on your palms, or kill angels . . . you like that one, yeah, we made that up just to screw around with your head, yes, yes. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, joke is on you. Abortion on the otherhand . . . tsk, tsk, tsk.

5. Santa Clause is real. It is acually De Pope flying all around the world on Christmas night bringing joy, like Jesugod would do. We have been doing it for centuries, yes, yes. De Pope loves to give out his BRATZ dolls, and Dr. Dreadful Gooey Food Lab and new Underoos to the kiddos, yes, yes. ON VIXEN WHIP CRACK, ho ho what a imagination you humans have.

6. You all know De Pope likesa to rock out to de Punk music, but here is a secret, De Pope is also big fans of his buddies, the Geto Boys . . . Damn it feel good to be a gangster! Yes, yes, word to your mother. Don't make me pop a cap in your ass, hehehe.

7. 7, the Holy Number, bow your head and pray

Holy Number 7, please protect us from 6. Join with 8 to eat 9. All Mighty
Jesus of the 7 heads, please defend your people of the lowly number 5, with you laser eyes, and fire breath. We worship the 7, the number of Jesusgod. For now, and forever.

Amen

In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, go in
peace.

That is the Popes special blessing for my readers, yes, yes, maybe you will make De Pope's blogroll? Bye.

Some more about De Pope, yes,yes

noreply@blogger.com (Pope Benedict XVI) — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 15:04:00 +0000

Thank the kiddos for all the e-mails de Pope has been getting, yikesabooby, he answers everyone, yes, yes. Also, De Pope must thanks all the bloggers, evil and good who have linked to de Pope to help spread the message of Our Lord Savior Jesus Christ, yadango! De Pope will have to work on a blog roll . . . . . HMMMMMMhack . . .

Also de Pope must thank Christopher Morris for his assistance in helping de Pope load his theme music (DE POPE! SAVIOR OF THE UNIVERSE, so true, true it is) properly, there is a special place in Heaven for little Christopher, yes, yes, cutie.

So, de Pope wants to tell you a little bit more about his life, yes, yes. The last post about it was popular, and reading some other bloggers gave de Pope a idea, YAY! Unfortunately de Pope got this idea from that evil Fag Malach, BLECHOBLECH. But de Pope will turn it into something good, and for the All Mighty, yes, yes.

Five Snacks you enjoy

His Body
His Blood
Cheez Whiz
Bon Bons
Strudel

Five Songs you know all the Words too

Five Things if Would do if you were a Millionaire

De Pope is already a Millionaire

Five Bad Habits

De Pope has no bad habits

Five Things you like doing

Five Things You Would Never Wear Again

A Burka
A Turban
A Straw Hat
A fez
A German Army Helmet

Five Favorite Toys

See, now you no more about your hero de Pope, yes, yes.

Mekkalekkahilekkahineyho

Vatican Edict of Alternate Religious Thoughts and Bovine

noreply@blogger.com (Pope Benedict XVI) — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 14:09:00 +0000

De Pope has edited this, yes he has, as he missed a couple of religions, yes, yes.

Ahhhahaha! De Pope has been inspired by a post from Colonel Colonel, WHAT?. See his post here. De Pope has decided that this model would make a good teaching sermon for the kiddos, yes, yes. So De Pope has worked on it, he is good. Any Catholic Priests, feel free to use this for your Sunday Sermon, yabango!.

You see there was this cow, yes, yes . . .

Jews

You have a cow in your midst
You don't think the cow is the savior because you are too cheap, and too interested in money to notice
You don't eat the cow, because it is unclean, even though you are starving
You whine until someone gives you land in the Holy Land
You end up in Hell

Muslim

You like the Cow, and the Cow's mother, but decide that a Rooster is a better choice.
You strap bombs to the Cow, and then send him to a school and explode him
You decide that if other people don't like your Rooster, they should die.
You fly the Cow into buildings like a coward
You make the Cow wear a Burka
You end up in Hell

Christian Denominations other the Catholic

You like the Cow a lot, and want to follow the Cow everywhere, but forget that the cow provides nourishment, and you starve on the journey.
You send people to Hell if they don't like you particular kind of Cow you like
You end up in Hell

Mormons

You rediscovered the Cow in the 1800's with magic plates
This Cow told you to have multiple wives
Even if you accept the Cow you only have a 130,000 in 6billion chance of Heaven
This Cow was made up by a crazy man, so, your religion is fake
You end up in Hell

Wiccans

You forget the Cow is there are you are too busy looking at the field, the Flowers, The Trees
You end up in Hell

Buddhist

They Cow is unimportant
You take the Cow and put him on a seesaw, and attempt to balance the seesaw with the Cow's dung.
After you kill the Cow, he will come back as a mosquito
You meditate on the Cow, yet do nothing
You end up in Hell

Hinduist

There is no Cow, but there is a dragon, a elephant, a snake, a donkey, and so on
You have a fake Cow, which you won't touch
When you kill that Cow, he becomes another Cow
You would never think of eating the Cow
You end up in Hell

Scientologist

You don't have a Cow you have Han Solo
You need to pay a lot of money to visit with Han Solo
You really like bad science fiction
You end up in Hell

Atheist

Cows don't exist and the one before your eyes is a fake.
You end up in Hell

Agnostics

The Cow is there, but the Cow is too complicated for your simple mind to understand.
You end up in Hell

Humanists

Cows are just cows
You end up in Hell

Catholic

You love the Cow unconditionally
You partake of the meal that the Cow offers
You partake of the special events the Cow throws for you
You are blessed and Heaven Bound.

As you can see, De Pope has a point, that I hope is not lost on the Kiddos, no, no

Peace out, De Pope is Audi 5000.

Who is De Pope?

noreply@blogger.com (Pope Benedict XVI) — Sat, 29 Sep 2007 12:40:00 +0000

People always emails and askes De Pope, what De Pope is like in real life, WHAT? What De Pope's human side is like, yes, yes. The kiddos only ever see De Pope's Divine Essence, and not the man, no, no.

So De Pope put together a picto-blog for the kiddos, blango, a sort of kind of, what do the kiddos do, MySpace like biography (Don't worry, De Pope will never do the MySpace, just joining sends one to Hell, it does). I will slowly put these out so you can all get a little closer to De Pope, WHOPPPEEE. So here we go with our first one, excited in you nether regions? You should be, yes, yes.

Many of you did not realize De Pope likes the Punk Rock music? Yes, yes, I hide that from the Cardinals, but here is a picture of De Pope rockin' out to The Super Suckers. And no, De Pope is not, how you say, Emo, no, no. Emo's are fags, they go to Hell, yes, yes.

The picture is from a Vatican sponsored birthday party, boy were those old men, and young boys surprised. Not only were the Suckers there, but also The Make Up; how I love to hear that Ian Svenonius squeal like a little child, yes, yes, YEEEHOOOO. Also Teenage Atari Riot made a rad guest appearance they did. They made my ears bleed, and throw up divine bile into De Pope's mouth, yes, yes, would you like to buy some? But I was dissapointed, they were not teenagers, sad.

Angryman thinks he is some kind of punk, yes he does. But he does not have a punk party like De Pope. And no, De Pope did not invite the blasphemous Jello Biafra, and his evil band, no, no. They are all going to Hell, and then they can play for the real dead Kennedys.

One, more, I hear your thousands of voices screaming out all at once, I am De Pope. This is De Pope, making fireworks for the kiddos, on the Feast of the Circumcision of Christ, yes, yes. What you say, the Catholic Church hasn't celebrated that Feast since Second Vatican Council? Well remember De Pope is tossing out that bullshit, Masses in Latin are back, baby, FREAKYDEAKYDOO! What, you are surprised De Pope can create fireworks from his fingers? Silly humans, De Pope is Divine, yes, yes. What you see is really an electric plasmatic discharge, not unsimilar to what the Angel Gabriel destroyed the Hosts of Sennacheric with, yes, yes. As the C&C Music Factory says, I GOT THE POWER! BRRRZAPP! Take that Imam #12!

Did you enjoy De Popes, life? Yes, I know, it is amazing, yes, yes. De Pope will give you more on a later date, you are waiting with breathless anticipation, no?

Shalom.

De Pope does not swing that way

noreply@blogger.com (Pope Benedict XVI) — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 22:46:00 +0000

Ever since De Pope sent that nice nun-like woman Sara Sue a picture of his Jesussword, he has gotten emails from the Catholic ladies, yes, yes. Whohoo, they want to battle Ha-Satan with De Pope leading the way, BAM, rattatang tang, slice, sploosh! Take that Satan, right in the Teeth! Whap!

But De Pope is now worried, it seems that heretical asspirate Malach the Fagboy is making pictures of De Pope for his own depraved mastabatory fantasies, yes, yes he is evil my children.

WHAT?! Well, DE POPE don't swing that way Malach the Rust Dirt Star Poker, no, no. De Pope is only have sexual intercourse with Jesus and his mother Mary, yes, yes. De Pope also does not appreciate this blasphemous cartoon, NO, NO! You embarass De Pope . .

What is your problem, are you gay for De Pope? Do you get all hard like a little boy? You got De Pope, up late tonight at De Vatican . . . It is almost 1AM, you see I worry for you perverted soul, I do, yes, yes.

This time your are double excommunicated, I can do that, I am De Pope.

And for those of you who think De Pope is really this goofy guy, De Pope must deny. You dare insinuate De Pope be Polish? You might as well be calling De Pope and Hook Nosed Jew, no, no!

Shut and Dance II

noreply@blogger.com (Pope Benedict XVI) — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 18:25:00 +0000

Come Dance with the little Monkey Belgian Waffle!

Hoho, kiddies, Dance for Jesus with VAN DAMME, yes, yes!

Knock Knock

noreply@blogger.com (Pope Benedict XVI) — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 14:09:00 +0000

Who's dere?

Da Pope.

Da Pope who?

Da Pope is just testing to see if blogger is still acting like a Mary Magdelene conspiracy theorist!

The Pope Says: Shut Up and Dance!

noreply@blogger.com (Pope Benedict XVI) — Sun, 23 Sep 2007 16:24:00 +0000

Look at this little green children dance, they make de Pope happy. Yes, yes, hee hee! Go little green children go an cut a rug for de Pope. Whohoo.

The Sermons on the Evils of Blogging

noreply@blogger.com (Pope Benedict XVI) — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 14:51:00 +0000

De Pope has explored some blogs, and he has decided to excommunicate a number of bloggers, they are evil and you should not go there, even if say there is the sharing of his blood and body, or a youth revival . . . so orders de Pope, yes, yes.

Malach the Unmerciful - He spews anti-Jesus garbage
C. Rag - Nothing but nudity and feminist opinions, she will go to Hell.
Dr. Murk - Proports to be a helpful Dr., he is not, just a drunk. And his podcast is awful. Ha-Satan has a seat for him right by his left side.
The Angry Piper - what more do you need, he is Irish and wear a dress, Damned
Phoebe Fay - She is a hard ass woman, hence a Lesbian, no room in the king of heaven for queers.
Joey Polanski - He's Polish, a step lower than being Irish.
Cash - Talking Dog, Spawn of Baphomet. So simple it's in the Gospels

On the other hand, I have found bloggers who get my blessing.

Sara Sue - Good Christian values in this one, she is a bride of Christ, If I wasn't da pope . . .
Angryman - Angry for Jesus Justice!

That is about all . . . I leave you with this, ho, ho! It explains a lot.

The sermon on the Evils of Vladimir Putin

noreply@blogger.com (Pope Benedict XVI) — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 14:28:00 +0000

Ho ho ho, what do we have here? Vladimir Putin, raping a innocent, and not in the name of Jesus! I de Pope, declare Vladimir Putin, anti-christ. Did you see that, that's right, de Pope has the power.And who do you think you are your Russian genocidal bastard? Da Pope? Why you show us your boobies? Why you show your hot body. Why you try to be like little Carmen? Hohohohoho . .

The Nazi should of taken care of your people during the big one, yes, yes.

I am de Pope. Ask any of the young men around the Vatican who is more hot. They will say de Pope!

Hohoho, look at me, I have drawers on my head, I am de Pope.

Check me out

noreply@blogger.com (Pope Benedict XVI) — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 22:38:00 +0000

Check me out homedogs. I am hip, I am a hippity hopping theme song that is in your grilly so snizzle . . .

Test

noreply@blogger.com (Pope Benedict XVI) — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 19:42:00 +0000

Yes, I am technically infallible, but this technology is not

-Love Ratzy