Hello again kiddos, De Pope has been busy preparing his trip to Amerikkka, he has. He knows you need he Spiritual guidance you do. But, De Pope also realizes you need to wallow in self pity an guilt for awhile, you do.
De Pope read a blog by that hershey highway ramrod Malach. It was very interesting, it was surprisingly, it was about writing a letter back in time to your 13 year old self, yes, yes.
You can read his post here. Unfortunatley Malach did not inform himself not to kills all those people at the local mall, he did not. De Pope thought this might be a good teaching moment for my Jesusphiles, yes, yes, so De Pope has decided to write one himself and commands his readers to reflect on their sinful lives and do one themself, yes a booty.
So here it goes:
Hello little Josef,This is De Pope, from the year 2007, contacting you I am. And guess what, you were right, like usual, cause De Pope is you, yes, yes. So, in your time it is 1940, you have already decided to be Pope, and that was a good decision, yes it was, but we need to make it faster. So, some warnings. I know you are in the early parts of what will be known as World War II. Hitler, is in full power, and doing wonderful things on one had, but bad things on the other, yes, yes. If you like his moustache, where it now! You will end up joining Hitler Youth, don't worry though, the War will be over in a few more years. You will join the seminary early, like a good boy, but will get drafted in 1943, yes, I know you will be only 16, but Mother Germany as it is now, won't be long for this world, and you can fake sick a lot, and sit arond with the guys, yes, yes. Just whatever you do, make sure the people you associate in these years are not Jewish, Gypsies, or Negros, zap. By 1945, you make a decision to desert your post and head home, unfortunately you head right into the Amerikkans taking over you village and become a POW, luckily the Americakkkans are not yet fornicate pig, so it is ok. The Amerikkkans are nice, and the war ends in a month or two, and you are released, SUMMER VACTION! Good job, you are a good little boy.You go right back to the seminary almost right away, missing your male compadre's, yes, yes, good boy. Now, push to be ordained; in my timeline you are not ordained until 1951, 6 years after the War, those cheeky bastards. Screw them all and force them to ordain you, with forceful presence if need be. And screw 25 years of university teaching, how boring! Instead start your teaching career with the young kids, yes, yes.Also, be prepared this time for Second Vatican Counsel. Those heathen bastards want to change everything, make it more liberal, ACHTUNG, no, stop them. Use your sniper skills if you have too, yes, yes. And yes, you become liberal at this point, don't fall for the Marxist teachings, they ruin the Church over the next half decade, ugh. Keep to your guns!They will finally recognize you genius in 1977 and make you a Cardinal, speed this up too. There is plenty of blackmail out there at this time, all those homo preists, and child rapers, threaten to expose the whole thing, and they will make you Pope sooner than 2005. Also, make sure you see and end to Karol Wojtyla, his Holy Shakiness will almost destroy the Church, and they can just skip him over and make you De Pope.Once you are Pope, you know what to do Jesus boy. I need not tell you more, yes, yes, wink, wink. As for the rest of the world, it matters not, because if you open the 7th seal earlier, it will all be different! From here I cannot tell you more, as you will change history for the better, WHOPPEEDEEDOOPER!Love and Kisses Pope Benedict XVI (yes, yes, thats you).So, there you have it.
Happy Saint Nicholas Day, yes, yes.
Labels: De Pope's Life, Meme