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Dear Little CuntRag,
Hey you! Yeah I’m talking to you so get your hand out of your pants while I’m speaking to you. This is your soon to be 25 year-old future self. I’m here to tell you some things that I wish will help you. God Damn It! Take your hand out of your pants, you little nasty freak!
I want to beat into you the following things:
- You need to relax!
- Enjoy every single moment you play soccer. It will be gone & you can never regain it.
- Enjoy your high school friends more no matter how much you hate them.
- It’s okay you are a slut. Be the slut that you are to the fullest.
- Yes there is sex in the Champagne Room & use protection.
- Doctors who are not licensed should not preform abortions.
- Do whatever you can to get a new roommate freshman year in college. Trust me!
- Get into something computer related instead of accounting.
- If you don’t listen to me & still get into accounting avoid the CPA track.
- In college you will have an opportunity for two internships don’t go with the one that pays more. Go with the one that’s the better company.
- Clone yourself so you can make out with your twin.
- Finally don’t marry a guy named CockMaster.
Sincerely,
Future Self
P.S.
I said get your hand out of your pants.
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Again, opinions and ideas here are solely those of the writer and not of Third Option Media. Contact the writer if you are interested in discussing this article
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