WoW Donation Days - You Can Help!

Hi. My name is Cap'n Flak Paperpants and I need your help.

When I am at work, I sit in a crappy low back office chair and now my back hurts. I mean, it really hurts... all the time. I might be 6'4" tall and weigh in at just over 1/8th of a ton, but I am big fucking cry baby and waaahhhhh... my back hurts!

Anyway, being the attention whore that I am, I can't possibly just settle for some substandard high back leather chair with a 5 way adjustable swivel base. Come on, now! That's just plain silly!

No, I need THIS chair:

The B-52 Stratofortress

Ejector Seat Office Chair

OH MY GOD! Have you ever seen anything that is so ON BALLS? The answer is: NO, you have not.

This kick ass piece of American military history is available in both upward and downward ejector seat models, as used on both decks of the legendary B-52 bomber. These ejector seats, far from being mere copies, are genuine items obtained from decommissioned aircraft and measure in at 58” in height and 24” in width.

When I first saw these ejector seats, I immediately leaned way back in my shitty chair, said "HOLY FUCKTITS" and then subsequently broke the chair I was sitting in (true story.)

How can you help?

Well, it's pretty simple. This chair costs $5,000 (seriously) and I want all of you, the faithful WoWees to donate the money to me so I can purchase this chair and live happily ever after.

Why you? Why not! Have I not earned your financial support with all of my hard work on Dick Biggman, the Monster movies, Amazing Office Battles and much, much more? The answer is: YES, I sure as hell have!

Here's the deal: whoever donates the most money gets to chose what model I order (upward or downward ejector) and they will receive a tee shirt that says "I donated $_____ to Cap'n Flak and all I got was this fucking tee shit." (Yes, it says "tee shit" on purpose.) On the back of the shirt will be a large picture of me giving you the thumbs up while sitting in the actual chair at work. I'm sure you will understand if I have an obvious hard-on in the picture.

Once the donations start to pour in, as they no doubt will, I will post a daily tally of the donations right here on The Wand of Wonder.

PLEASE DONATE TODAY!