The Wand of Suck

Obama
Wow, how scared is Republican Party of Barack Obama? This entire garbage about Rev. Wright and his "influence" on Obama is way overplayed. I am even hearing these neo con media guys promoting Hillary, they now they can beat her.

Seriously, this is not important, it is typical political bullshit. If we are going to label Obama as broken because of this relationship, we should list every Catholic as broken for continuing to support a religion that hid sex abusers and pedophiles. You need to go after the Bush family and 40 year relationship with the bin Laden family. Or how about John McCain and he hatred for the Vietnamese because of they years he spent as a POW; yeah you like that jump of assumption, don't you. It is the same jump one makes about Obama and Wright.

How about Malach and his love of Gangsta Rap. Or Toyi her love of Death Metal. Please do not make Hillary the candidate for the Democratic Party, you will lose.

The Wand of Suck
This blog sucks, I am renaming it The Wand of Suck unless you can prove me otherwise. What happened to the Rants? What happened to the Tales of WoW? What happened to the funny editorials? Biographical stories of life? The reviews of movies and books. This place sucks. IT SUCKS!!! It it has become a self indulgent place of idiocy. It no longer meets my approval!

I am Malach and I am partly to blame.

Just a reminder, my fellow Americans; You all still suck.

There has been much excitement in the air this current election cycle. Much enthusiasm. Much hope and a great deal of expectations, especially among those people who are left of Rush Limbaugh (who will hopefully self immolate in live radio soon. I can smell the cooking Republican bacon now).

But, before you get all infused with your warm saline of civic pride, I just want to point something out to you; you’re all still a bunch of stupid assholes.

I have no illusion that the collective IQ of the American voter will miraculously go up several points just because the candidates changed. My only hope is that Obama's charisma will allow him to play to enough of the shallow vapid pysche of the typical voter so that he can get elected and do a good job despite being elected by the same fucktarded populace who voted for Bush twice.
You, my fellow citizens, completely lost my respect these last few years. If you incidentally vote in a competent leader this time, it will not improve my opinion, anymore than a broken clock being right twice a day makes me think it is working again. We are still a ship of fools.

Your typical American still cant find Iraq on a map. Over half of the country still thinks evolution is a myth. You know more about Paris Hilton than you do about your own government. You still listen to pandering shallow newscasters selling non-news on the shiny lightbox in the living room. You pay more at the pump for gas and then bitch about it endlessly despite the fact that you have been told for thirty fucking years that eventually this would happen, yet you continued to buy 10mpg vehicles as status symbols and moved 75 miles away from where you worked so you could have a 3,000 square foot house that turns out you still couldn’t afford. You willfully ignored saving money, instead spending money faster than you could make it.

You are children. Greedy, shallow, reactionary, unthinking children who are easily led by the prettiest voice attached to the pretties face. Obama being elected wont change who you are. If you are lucky, it might set in motion policies that will eventually change who you are, but not for another generation or two. You idiots need to die off first.

Yes I’m an elitist. I’m entitled to be one, I’m not as stupid as most people. I didn’t NEED to see the shitfest we are in now, to change my tune like most of you did. I predicted things were going to hell, and most of you idiots just regurgitated the latest verbal sewage you heard from your own personal pundit savior screaming “911911911911!!” . I have been vindicated fully, and you have been shown to be wrong on every single position you have held as a people-- socially (no child left behind, abstinence only sex education*), economically (housing market, lending debacle*), Environmental (water shortages, climate change, extinctions*), energy (oil pricing, ethanol*), the list goes on...

This country is in a pit, and you honestly think four years of a guy in office who can actually string together two coherent thoughts will pull us out? What, you think Iraq will miraculously become peaceful? The economy will just right itself? That the rest of the world will stop hating us and the price of oil will drop? That your home will miraculous start going up in value 50% every year? That the global climate will stabilize back to the way it was fifty years ago and you can all go back to watching American Idol on your big screen TV while lovingly looking out the widow at your Lincoln Navigator parked out front and thinking “Hey, I think I’ll go for a spin…”

It WONT. Things are still going to hell, your life and standard of living is going to continue to decline (deservedly). Your sons and daughters are going to continue to die for a lost cause, and be remembered with pity rather than pride, like the Vietnam Vets are now. Global climate will continue to change, food price will continue to rise because we haven’t got an infrastructure to fall back on when the cost of shipping everything by truck keeps going up.

You have been fucking things up for a long time. And now your going to pay for it.

So why vote for Obama? Well, I don’t know... How much better off do you think we would have been in this country if 9/11 had happened with ANYONE other than Bush and his cronies in power? How about Katrina? How about our economy? You voted for the worst possible leadership at the worst possible time in our history. Don’t make that mistake twice…. Oh sorry… you already DID that…Try not to make that mistake a third fucking time in a row. You stupid mindless assholes.

If you do fuck up again, so help me, I hope Apophis** hits us dead center in this country just so I can watch you all die in a fiery holocaust.



*I was going to link to relevant information for each of these, but then realized that if you were too moronic to research that shit on your own, I wasn't going to waste any more of my precious time making it easier for you.

** But this is worth linking to if only to give you one more thing for your teeny tiny mouse brain to worry about. OMG!! the sky is falling... AGAIN!!!

Dear Ron Paul supporters

Recently, your zombie-horde internet tactics resulted in a complete nullification of the already marginal usefulness of the CNBC online poll of the Republican debate. This caused a series of events that culminated in the editor feeling the need to put out an open letter to you all explaining why they felt the need to stop the madness.

He had his say, but really he only spoke for a minority. I have decided it is my duty to speak for the rest of us who have endured your stench these last few months on the internet...

Congratulations, you have successfully moved me away from ambivalence about your candidate. It used to be that I cared little for his positions but lacked any real internal combustion regarding him as a candidate. You have all changed that for not only myself but I suspect everyone else who isn’t YOU.

You have tainted the internet worse than anything possible from the best efforts of the deepest oubliettes of 4chan. You have turned sites like Digg and Wikipedia and endless lists of online discussion forums into a frothing vat of your political semen like a bukkake party the size of Manhattan.

Your endless, mindless and unimaginative boosting makes Rush Limbaugh ditto heads look like a bunch of fucking Rhodes Scholars. Your insane fanaticism is repulsive, disgusting and most of all is as a annoying as a mosquito perched happily on the small of my back joyously sucking my life blood safe in the knowledge that I can’t swat it.

So now I have gradated from mere ambivalence to outright hatred for you and your candidate.

I would rather be punched in the nuts than see your guy get elected.

I would see this country burn to ash and the soil sown with Ann Coulter’s menstrual drippings, and all the puppies and kittens roasted alive to feed the gluttonous belly of Dick Cheney than suffer one instant with your candidate sitting on the PoUS chair.

I would rather mix my own shit with broken glass and vinegar and eat it out of Rosanne Bar’s vagina while having my testicles peeled with a cheese grater than vote for your candidate.

I would rather see George W. Bush get elected for a third term than see your guy in the oval office.

Fuck you. And please for the love of God shut up already. We all hate you. We hate you. We fucking hate you.

God DAMN, but we fucking hate you.

Sad News About the Angry Piper.

It has come to my attention that the Piper has been involved in a terrible shaving/masturbation accident that has resulted in all of his fingers and penis being cut off. Sadly, due to the very cheap health care plan that he was forced to sign up for under the new Mass Healthcare law, he was required to go to a New Bedford hospital to get them reattached. The doctors there accidentally mixed up the appropriate locations for all eleven digits during the operation.

Since his recovery, no one has been able to persuade him to come out of his room and actually start posting something on his website again because he is too busy obsessively sucking his new "thumb".

Our thoughts and prayers are with him, and we hope he overcomes his latest tribulation and pulls himself together to actually do something with his life again.

Hopefully, the Astroglide I poured all over the new vibrating keyboard I bought for him will make the transition easier.

We can only hope.

Yup, it's your fault.

We live in a society that craves attention, and craves giving attention. That's the reason why things like blogs and MySpace and YouTube and reality TV are the new cornerstones of society that they are. It's the reason why shills like Dr. Phil and Jack Thompson spout their verbal pus for the cheering crowds. It's the reason why NBC thought that it was a good idea to publish the rantings of a lunatic on national TV, thus giving the loser the very thing he wanted, national exposure.

And it's the reason why you fucking watched all of it. Its the reason why you had your eyes glued to the goddamn TV watching CNN and Fox news channel endlessly replay the same mantra;

Reporter: "There was a shooting. We don't know anymore, but we'll keep showing you the same stale footage over and over anyway, as we speculate about what COULD BE the actual facts. Don't go away, because you might miss something important! Now, a word for our sponsors."

Commercial: 'Do you have erectile dysfunction?....'"

And so on, for how many hours?

You're pathetic.

You have no life. You have no sense of your own destiny or your own worth. You endlessly run drooling from one spectacle to the next instead of reading a great work of literature, or designing an house, or learning a new skill, or inventing something, or mentoring the next generation. You roll around in a cesspit of endless gossip instead of sitting down with friends and family to talk about things that actually matter. You sit with your thumb up your ass rather than use your time to make yourself better. For fuck's sake, you don't even bother taking the time to switch thumbs once in a while.

Some loser, who was mentally ill, lost his shit and killed 33 people, the last one being himself. It's a shame he didn't start from the opposite order. It's a shame everyone is wallowing in fake sympathy and melodramatic selfish shared tragedy all of a sudden, when shit like this is happening every day to equally good and innocent people in other parts of the world. It's a shame that instead of working to change the world to make it a better place you just look for the next big thing to ring your hands about uselessly, or look for some way to stick the blame on your chosen enemies, whoever they may be.

And you're still doing it because you're reading yet another post on a fucking blog that doesn't mean anything, and as a result the world has gone unchanged by you for a couple of minutes more.

As I said, you're pathetic.

Get out of my sight.