Early Christmas Present from Carbon Dreadlow

Sex and the City a review

No way
You don't really think Malach went to see that tripe do you? Of course not, with the Celtics Game (BEAT LA! BEAT LA! BEAT LA!) last night and Battlestar Galactica winding down it's season, I had no need to see Sarah Jessica Parker's dog face on a 20' screen.

But my wife saw it, she said it was "Very Good". She would give it 3 1/2 Superstars out of 4. The atmosphere was kind of like opening night for Iron Man, except instead of geeks, the place was filled with desperate housewives. Unfortunately, she would not give me any spoilers, God I hate her, Torture Time!

I an Malach, and I was once Samantha for Halloween.

The Empire Hyundai Strikes Back

Another complaint about Rick Torres and Empire Hyundai in the comments section. Bears reprinting.

Company DetailsLocation: Fall River, MAFounders: Richard R. Torres, 41
Website: www.empirehyundai.com
Year Started: January 2000
Initial Investment: $200K
Turned a Profit: 2000
First Million: 2002
2002 Sales: $18.4M
2006 Sales: $60.7MNumber of Employees:
Day 1: 9
2006: 85
2007: 111*

Anonymous said...
I visited Empire Hyundai on Saturday, June 30th, 2007 to inquire about a Hyundai Accent and here is my experience: They advertised in the Pro Jo on Wednesday of that week about a Hyundai Accent. "Carol" was there to greet me when I arrived. After taking my contact info (she wanted my SS# too if you can believe that!) she acted ignorant about the advertisement and we proceeded to have a nonsensical discussion about what I wanted. When I told her I wanted the Hyundai Accent advertised, she kept on trying to ask me what features I wanted in this vehicle. I finally told her that I had the ad in my car, that there was a vehicle stock number listed in the ad, and that I had called earlier to confirm that the car was still available. I had to go out to the car and actually produce the ad. She took the newspaper to the backroom (I never got it back) and 15-20 minutes later (everything seems to take forever...) she comes back to the showroom dangling a set of keys that has a tag on it that matches the stock number in the ad. Great, I think, we're getting somewhere. Nope. She insists on taking me out to some remote lot where there are similar Hyundai Accents, some at the same sticker price, although the one she showed me was a standard transmission vehicle worth $1000 less. She kept mentioning that this vehicle had no power mirrors, no this or that, didn't I really want those features? I just stated that I came there to test drive the car in the ad. She goes back into the backroom leaving me outside with this vehicle and comes back 15 minutes later claiming that they can't "find" the vehicle advertised in the paper. MMmmm - she just showed me the keys with the stock number tag on it. Then she says we can take a vehicle and drive over to their sister location in some other City, because that must be where the advertised vehicle is! So much time has gone by that I now must return home to get my son to his job and when I tell her this, she wants me to take her in one of the Empire cars (Accent?) to go do this chore in Westport. And then, she needs to disappear again! So I go back to my car and take off. She has the nerve to call my cell phone and home phone trying to get me to come back! Then I get an email from Empire. Let me tell you, Empire Hyundai is the epitome of immoral questionable (illegal?) practices.

I would never ever do business with this company under any circumstances.

Use the business info above and bad press these creeps out of town.

HOLEEEE FRACK!

I just wet myself
Cause Palmer showed me this:

I am going to go masturbate now

I am Malach, and that was SERIOUSLY on Balls.

Dear John Barack McCain Obama

Dear Sir,

One of you will be our next president, and their are a ton of issues to face. The most pressing issues is this countries economy: the prices of consumer goods, the mortgage crisis, and general cost of living.



Malach is not poor, in fact, he is far above what the poverty level is for a family of four. I am not wealthy either, my wife and I don't even bring home a six figure salary combined. I am a married man, with a mortgage, a car payment, and two children, your typical tax paying, voting American.



Here is the problem. Over the past year, it has become a struggle to live a decent life. Between the cost of daily living, monthly bills, and my mortgage there is little left to save, or even use for fun. Many of you know Malach was effected by the Sub Prime Mortgage Crisis. Well needless to say this threw my own personal financial health into disarray. But I persevered. In that time though, the price of gas has essentially gone up almost 400%, which in turn has raised the prices of food and other products. My winter gas bill, went up almost 25% per month. To top it off, both me and the wife have jobs that require driving (I do around 400 miles a month for work).



Then you go to a store to buy groceries, and a bill that cost $120 six months ago, now costs $180. It is almost as if that extra $500 transferred from my mortgage to my living expenses, and I am a very frugal guy. My Health Insurance keep going up 5 - 7% while my pay only 3%.



I know this is not only effecting me, I see it everyday at work, and more and more affluent people come in seeking help with bills, mortgages and such. I even have friends, who make double what I do, having financial issues too.



Something has to change, I am afraid New Deal style sweeping changes need to be made. And I don't mind tightening my belt a bit, but what I do mind in deciding between paying my car, and going grocery shopping, cause I can no longer do both. I love my job, and I suppose I could try and find a higher paying one, or get another one, but why? How is that fair?



Sincerely,

John Q. Public.

Zangief's Blog!

Hello Americanskis!

The great Zangief have good news! Zangief ran into good friend Malach the Merciless at parade. He holding flag with many colors, like rainbow. Malach march with many other men dressed in feathers, like birds. Some wear dress like female. It very funny!
Malach pretend not to see Zangief, but Zangief wait until end of parade and find Malach. He not hard to find because he wearing pants that show buttock cheeks, and he run away from Zangief. “Malach, you old so-and-so!” say Zangief, “Come, embrace Zangief as brother!” Zangief grab Malach and hug him like bear.
“Jesus Christ, you’re killing me!” Malach say.
“Not Jesus, Malach! Zangief!” Zangief say. Then Zangief laugh. Ho Ho Ho!! Like Santa.
Malach try to say something else, but he turning blue, so Zangief let him go. He bleed a little, but he ok.
Malach’s friend say “Hellooooo, nurse!” to Zangief. Zangief not know what that means, but is pretty sure it is insult, and anyway he touch Zangief’s chest hair, so Zangief give him backhand like female and Malach and Zangief alone again.
Zangief pick Malach up from ground, where he collapse from happiness at seeing old friend. “It been long time since Zangief and Malach together,” Zangief say. “How is Superstar wife and little babushkas? Send to them Zangief’s love.”
“Uh, sure,” say Malach. “Listen, Zangief, don’t mention you saw me here, ok?”
Zangief laugh. “Is Malach’s secret? Then OK, I say nothing.” But Zangief know Malach show buttock cheeks to attract female other than Superstar. Is nice to know that female find American man attractive for reason besides citizenship.
“I knew I’d find you here,” say voice from behind Zangief. Zangief turn and see Dr. Murk! But Murk not look at Zangief. He look at Malach. Malach look embarrassed to see Murk.
“Hello, Dr. Murk!” say Zangief. Zangief know Dr. Murk from therapy. Zangief see Dr. Murk for feelings of inadequacy stemming from repeated beatdowns at hands of Ken Masters, American Champion Street Fighter. Every time Zangief try to grab Ken for Spinning Piledriver or Final Atomic Buster, Ken hit Zangief with Dragon Punch. It hurt a lot, especially when Zangief catch on fire. But Dr. Murk make Zangief understand that Zangief is pretty special, anyway.
“Hello Zangief,” say Dr. Murk. Zangief clap Dr.Murk on back. He bleed a little, but he ok.
“And hello, smoking hot Asian wife of Zangief’s friend Dr. Murk,” Zangief say.
“Hello, Zangief,” smoking hot Asian wife of Dr. Murk say. She very hot. Like Chun-Li but not annoying. Not like Zangief’s wife at all. Zangief trade tractor for wife long time ago. It bad trade. Tractor still plow, but not wife.
“So, Malach,” Dr. Murk say when he stop bleeding from mouth, “care to explain why you’re marching in the Gay Pride Parade?”
“I’m not,” Malach say very fast. “I’m just talking to my good friend Zangief about the Wand of Wonder.”
“Then why are you wearing leather assless chaps?” say smoking hot Asian wife of Zangief’s friend Dr. Murk.
“I, uh…I always wear these,” Malach say.
“It’s true. He does.” Dr. Murk say.
“What is Wand of Wonder?” Zangief say. And rest is history!
So now the good news Zangief promise. Dr. Murk say Malach will host anything, so now Wand of Wonder is home to Zangief’s Blog!
Is good, no? Now Zangief can write about street fights he win and pottery classes he take, and write about good times with friends like Malach and Dr. Murk!
But now Zangief must go destroy rubber band man Dhalsim.
Dasvidaniya!

Sorry for the Interruption

It's Christopher Morris here with a consumer complaint. I would ask that you post this on your blogs or send via email, even though it is a local issue.

First, the good. That's a sentence fragment, but who cares. The Hyundai Motor Company makes an awesome line of cars. They are super reliable, have a great 100,000 mile drivetrain warantee with a great extended warantee to boot for a small sum. They work hard to get the financing at a great rate and easy payments. Their dealers are typical high pressure, negitiate until your teeth hurt salesmen, but come on! That's half the fun. AND their service departments are superior. The fight for warrantee work and give you a loaner car and call every day with updates.

Now, the bad news. Rick Torres Empire Hyundai:

Company DetailsLocation: Fall River, MAFounders: Richard R. Torres, 41
Website: www.empirehyundai.com
Year Started: January 2000
Initial Investment: $200K
Turned a Profit: 2000
First Million: 2002
2002 Sales: $18.4M
2006 Sales: $60.7MNumber of Employees:
Day 1: 9
2006: 85
2007: 111*

Awesome company. Great service department, initially. Four years ago, the let go of some of the service managers and installed a few real hard asses. We fought tooth and nail. Then, when we had a drivetrain problem and a ball joint problem, they tried to screw us.

Background. My father has worked in the automotive service industry for 30 years, with Goodyear, Getty, Moe's Alignment senter (owner, operator) and for Henney's Towing and repair and Glassman Auto (one of the most respected car dealerships and repair facilities in all of the Bristol Area. I had Glassman do the 60,000 mile madatory replacement of the timing belt, water pump and tensioners. ALL Hyundai Certified parts, with an ASE certified mechanic and a full itemization. Their reputation is known in three states as a quality shop.

So, a year later a few problems pop up. We take it to RICK TORRES EMPIRE HYUNDAI. Jeff White, the service manager, is reasonably sure it's all warantee work, but promises to call if there are any problems. Without written consent, he takes the car apart (not even necessary) claims the timing belt is mangled and it's going to cost $450.00, no warantee, to fix.

Hold on, I say. You did not authorize this.

Well, I've got your car in pieces in my bay right now. It will cost you just as much to put it all back to gether, but feel free to take it somewhere else.

Me: when can you have it fixed?

One week.

Oh? So, how are you going to get it out of the bay?

It's going to sit there until you agree to pay or my guy puts it together and we get paid for his time.

Me: My father works at Glassman auto. They replace the timing belt, the water pump and the tensioner. So, they screwed up?

Yes.

Okay, my brother in law works for a dealership and he could shede a little light on this. I want all the parts you take out.

I can't give those to you.

By law, you have to.

No, they have to go to warantee to ensure that we did the right work.

The job you said wasn't under warantee, you said.

It's half under warantee.

I want my my guys to look at the parts before then. They have all the records and they'll see about this.

Well, it's going to cost you that much either way.

So, you've got me over barrel here. This is like blackmail.

I'm just doing my job.

Look, I've been around car repair long enough. You're lying.

I'm sorry you feel that way.

Who can I talk to about this?

No one. I'm the manager here.


I'll hand it to JEFF WHITE, he never raised his voice and made me sound like a cranky old man.

Fearing for my car, I apologized and told him to do the work. I even said my stress level was too high and I should not be taking it out on him and that he was doing his job. Which, I didn't tell him, was swindling people.

I did my research and had a few phone calls made to RICK TORRES HYUNDAI.

SHOCK! It all magically got covered under warantee. THEN, they'd stolen money from the car. Yes, we'd left it there on purpose. The last straw.

Facts.

1. NO repair shop can touch your car without a written good faith estimate and cannot proceed beyond that estimate without another written consent.

2. The cannot charge you labor for any work they innitiate to investigate a problem.

3. No company in their right mind ties up a service bay with a car 'totally taken apart' for nine days. They had to put it back together to get it out of the bay to work on other cars.

4. They have no right to lock your car in a gated lock if they have done no repairs, unless they are willing to release it with a signature of receit.

I was blackmailed, lied to and meant to feel very stressed out AND had to kiss the ass of a lying worm of a service manager just to save my car.

Lastly, they dumped motor oil on parts of the engine to make it smoke and smell to try and get us to come in for a supposed oil leak. Nice try.

Customer service cannot get either manager on the phone to resolve this. I want an admission of the lying and blackmail, reprocussions for JEFF WHITE and a watchdog on their ass, like the Mass Better Business Bureau.

They pull this crap with old ladies and women and executives with no car knowledge.

Advice:

Go with your gut. If the price jumps without warning, refuse and ask to take the car immediately with no service charge.

Keep spotless records.

Always ask for parts that were taken out and double check with another shop if you suspect foul play.

SPEAK UP! Squeaky wheel gets the grease. We got our warantee work for $50.00 (on a $600.0 bill).

They are NEVER authorized to do work without an itemized estimate signed by you and cannot ecceed it with another signed release.

If you get screwed, fight back and threaten bad press. Call the local channels scam busters, the papers and blog and email. Bad press will force their hand.

Don't let them badger you. Get your research lined up and call a reputable shop and ask question. It helps to offer the new shop all your following business if they can help.

PLEASE post this or link it or whatever you can do.

Hyundai is a great company. Their service department is excellent, but many LIKE RICK TORRES EMPIRE HYUNDAI's service department are looking to scam.

I invite Rick Torres, his General Manager (not his service manager) to contact me at eliasdolon@charter.net understand, that's not my real name for privacy issues on the net, but I'll feel free to tell you who I am and explain further in a rational way what happened.

cc www.empirehyundai.com

Too soon?

Where is Ted Kennedy’s
malignant brain tumor located?

Back… and to the left.
Back… and to the left.

(special thanks to Cap'n Flak for coming up with this jem)

The 7 Types Of Bad Bosses According To Star Trek

...and how to survive them.


Related WoW articles from Cap'n Flak:

• The American Boss
• Cap'n Flak's Really Shitty Career Advice
• The American Boss Strikes Again
• How To Piss People Off
• A Couple of Really Fucked Up Emails
  

In Case You Needed Motivation...

The Rules According to Snake Eyes

Snake Eyes doesn't trust the Chinamen.

Snake Eyes rides on top of car.
Snake Eyes has spoken.

One Mystery Solved

Because I know you worry about all this

WATCH YOUR ASS!

Fuck or walk.

Have you made your
decision for Christ?

It's official: I am voting for Barak Obama*

*well, maybe not.

The 'Gief Speaks!!!!

You may ask: Why is Zangief dancing?

It's because he just swung by Angrypiper.com and found a new Conversation with Stephanie on the Fiction Page.

This makes him happy. Zangief loves Stephanie.

Zangief thinks you should, too.

Ironman, a review

I AM IRON MAN!
Malach took the kids to see Iron Man this weekend, and I must say kuods to a job well done. My kids are 6 and 5, a boy and a girl, and they both loved it. It is rated PG-13, but neither child had any issue with that (I am not even sure why it was rated that).

The movie itself is a adaptation of the comic book series Iron Man, and out of all the comic book films, this one is perhaps the most accurate depiction of any comic book hero in movie form. While not right in line with the comics, the changes they make, even moving Tony Stark out of Manhattan to the West Coast works. The plot is well written, with an excellent balance of dialogue, character development, and of course action. The casting was absolutely perfect. Robert Downey Jr.(RDJ) plays a role he was born to play in alcoholic playboy Tony Stark; Jeff Bridges, who always plays amazing villains, takes Obadiah Stane to a new level of nastiness; and even Gwyneth Paltrow plays Pepper Potts, and the unrequited sexual chemistry between her and RDJ is perfect for both roles. SPOILERS TO FOLLOW

The plot revolves around billionaire military industrialist playboy Tony Stark. Stark had inherited his father's business Stark Industries, and using his mechanical genius, creates some of the most powerful weapons is the world. Stark, while a genius, is a hard drinking, womanizing partier, and the day to day operation are run by his father's partner Obidiah Stane. Stark heads to Afghanistan to show off a new weapon, the Jericho cluster bomb. After his successful showing, he heads back to the airport in a military convoy, which is attacked by a Terrorist Organization called (foreshadow) The Ten Rings; all are killed except for Stark.

An unconscious Stark is taken captive in grave condition. As fate would have it, he is put in captivity with a Dr. Ho Yinsin, who creates a device that he embeds in Stark's chest that prevents the shrapnel in his chest from reaching his heart and killing him. Stark immediately improves upon the device, which was run by car battery hook up to work on it own power source, Stark invented arc power source. Yinsin and Stark become friendly, and Yinsin begins to show Stark the errors of his lifestyle.

The Ten Rings terrorists, demand Stark make them their own version of the Jericho missile, Stark agrees, but secretly designs his first crude Iron Man armor instead, and uses it to escape captivity, though Yinsin is killed in the ensuing battle.

Stark returns to the US a changed man, immediately announces Stark Industries would no longer produce weapons, which upsets Stane. Stane tells Stark to take some time off and reconsider what he said. Meanwhile Stane start working the board of directors against Stark.

Stark goes into seclusion, design a better power supply for the device keeping him alive, and then begins designing his second version of the power armor he used to escape. He also finds out, that Stark Industries has been supplying Ten Rings with Stark weapons technology under the direction of Stane.

Faced with this realization he dons the armor and sets out of right the wrongs his company has done. Stane who is working with Ten Rings, receives the broken up pieces of of Stark's old original armor, and sets about Stark Industries to create a series of armored soldiers which he calls Iron Mongers. And you can see where the rest of the story heads.

Ironman of course comes into battle with Stane, now in the first Iron Monger costumes. Titanic battle, and with the help of Pepper Potts (and a early SHIELD), they defeat Iron Monger, and Stane is killed in the process.

A cover story is created by SHIELD, of course Stark does not follow it, and reveals he is Ironman at the end of the movie . . . credits roll. But is doesn't end there. After the credits are finished, there is a final scene. Stark returns home to find Nick Fury (played by Samuel L. Jackson) waiting for him. Fury tells Stark, he is not the only one like him, and they need to discuss "The Avengers Initiative" and the movie ends, obviously open for sequels. Their is quite the buzz about Jackson playing Fury; Fury is traditionally a white Clint Eastwood looking fellow (Except for his Ultimates incarnation, which is based on Jackson's look). It has to be better the 1998's version of Nick Fury played by David Hasselhoff. END SPOILERS

Iron Man, while not Citizen Kane was still a very fun, excellent movie, one of the best of the comic genre I have seen. My kids loved it too. It gets 4 1/2 out of 5 rubbersuit masks!

My bosses' bosses'bosses' boss.

I AM A TRENDSETTER.

BOSTON METRO: Published 2008-05-08

Scooter sales spike
Gas prices push up demand for the fuel-efficient vehicles

BOSTON. As drivers stumble over rising gas prices, more are finding that two wheels are better than four.

Motorcycles, scooters and mopeds are leaving lots at an increased pace, with warmer months and surging gas costs expected to keep the trend alive in the near future.

“It’s finally become a reality,” said Tony Palumbo, general manager at Parkway Cycle in Everett, which has nearly sold out of four lines of scooters in recent months.

Rosa Christie, business manager at the Revere Beach Parkway store, said nearly every customer in the market for a scooter mentions the cost of gas. The shop has sold 65 scooters in 60 days, roughly 50 more than it would under normal circumstances, Christie said.

Outside the showroom, Jose and Carrie Santiago pawed at a row of scooters on the sun-splashed lot, looking more and more like a pair committed to a new purchase.

“We just started to think about it as the summer came,” said Jose Santiago. “[Gas prices] are never going to go down.”

“Plus, let’s not forget that scooters are wicked awesome. If you want to look totally cool and environmentally conscience on the road, these sweet babies are the way to go. Seriously,” said scooter owner / driver Captain Flak Paperpants of Maynard, MA, who drives a 2007 Piaggio Fly-50 known as “The Pork Chop Express.”

Joe Conley, general manager at Riverside Motorsports in Somerville, said the two-wheeled option has a two-fold benefit.

“The convenience factor is one thing,” Conley said, citing increased sales in mopeds, which don’t require insurance and can be parked on sidewalks. “But the economic factor is another.”

Conley saw a doubling in scooter sales in April.

Scotty, one to beam up.

This is quite possibly the

coolest picture I have ever seen.
(click to enlarge image)

Space Nazis

this is totally brand new and hot

impatient man is coming to your town and will dazzle your entire family with his lack of ettiquete and youl be super impressed at how quickly and slopily he does his work very quickly so that he can speed home and eat quickly so he can watch all his tivo shows on fast forward while checking email and porking some fatchick called beataputoonia while the marching band saves the world from flying mis sized sedans of foreign origin which cost too much and provide very little in the way of added security against market volatility and uv rays from the sun which crosses the sky only to set plunging us all into hated darkness and fitful sleep with the bad bad boogie dreams of a bright tomorrow when we'll all eat astronaut food in floating cars.

Thank You, Idiots.

Impressive.

This is what Amazing Office Battles COULD have been if I had kept going.

Cigarretes Transformers - Click here for this week’s top video clips

Food for thought...

The federal government is sending each and every one of us a rebate check.
If we spend it at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China .
If we spend it on gasoline, the money will go to the Arabs.
If we purchase a computer it will go to India .
If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.
If we purchase a good car, it will go to Japan.
If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan, and none of it will help the American economy.
The only way to keep the money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes, weed, beer and tattoos since these are the only products still produced in the USA .

WoW Donation Days - You Can Help!

Hi. My name is Cap'n Flak Paperpants and I need your help.

When I am at work, I sit in a crappy low back office chair and now my back hurts. I mean, it really hurts... all the time. I might be 6'4" tall and weigh in at just over 1/8th of a ton, but I am big fucking cry baby and waaahhhhh... my back hurts!

Anyway, being the attention whore that I am, I can't possibly just settle for some substandard high back leather chair with a 5 way adjustable swivel base. Come on, now! That's just plain silly!

No, I need THIS chair:

The B-52 Stratofortress

Ejector Seat Office Chair

OH MY GOD! Have you ever seen anything that is so ON BALLS? The answer is: NO, you have not.

This kick ass piece of American military history is available in both upward and downward ejector seat models, as used on both decks of the legendary B-52 bomber. These ejector seats, far from being mere copies, are genuine items obtained from decommissioned aircraft and measure in at 58” in height and 24” in width.

When I first saw these ejector seats, I immediately leaned way back in my shitty chair, said "HOLY FUCKTITS" and then subsequently broke the chair I was sitting in (true story.)

How can you help?

Well, it's pretty simple. This chair costs $5,000 (seriously) and I want all of you, the faithful WoWees to donate the money to me so I can purchase this chair and live happily ever after.

Why you? Why not! Have I not earned your financial support with all of my hard work on Dick Biggman, the Monster movies, Amazing Office Battles and much, much more? The answer is: YES, I sure as hell have!

Here's the deal: whoever donates the most money gets to chose what model I order (upward or downward ejector) and they will receive a tee shirt that says "I donated $_____ to Cap'n Flak and all I got was this fucking tee shit." (Yes, it says "tee shit" on purpose.) On the back of the shirt will be a large picture of me giving you the thumbs up while sitting in the actual chair at work. I'm sure you will understand if I have an obvious hard-on in the picture.

Once the donations start to pour in, as they no doubt will, I will post a daily tally of the donations right here on The Wand of Wonder.

PLEASE DONATE TODAY!

Is that you pitching in there Malach lol

sorry I couldn't resist.

Speaking of Sucky Blogs...

New Web Series: CHOAS DRAGOON!!!

My name is Choas and this is my adventures. When I was five years old, I saw my first Final Fantasy Video Game. It made me want to be and angry knight who betrayed the main character. So, I watched wrestling.

Then, there came the internet. I joined a wrestling forum and a Final Fantasy forum and a cartoon formum. I made the best of it. I misspelled my name. I wanted to type CHAOS DRAGOON. I knew what a DRAGOON was because in Final Fantasy 3 one of the characters was an angry knight who betrayed the main character, just like me. He was called a DRAGOOOOON. Unfortunately, is misspelled CHAOS. Then, I became CHOAS DRAGOON!!!!!

Da da data da ta dadadadad ta da! Ta da! Dee da da da da daaaaaa!

That's my CHOAS TRIUMPH MARCH THEME SONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I quickly told losers how it is. No, I did not misspell my name. I like CHOAS better. Then some guy made fun of me by saying my mane meant 'your ass dragon', like I was a hot gay knight who betrays the main character, which is cool, but I'm not gay. I'd do a chick in the ass, but not some dude. CHOAS is all man and ain't a gay guy, but gay guys are okay and some give killer back rubs.

Yo, then I found UFC like fifteen years AFTER it started and I pretended to be a fan since it started even though I was like 2 years old when it started because I'm like ten years old now. After watching UFC I feel like a badass. I just know that after I watch that I could do the same thing to any motherfucker who looks at me sidewise because I have a daemon avatar and a high school diploma.

Other people's stuff sucks, and so one day I decided to make fun of Dick Bigman because I'm so smart and UFC has made me strong and smart. When a fight gets rough, I take it to the ground, kid!!!!!! CHOAAAAASSSSSSSSSSS DRAGOON!

So Malach said this blog sucks, so to make it better I figure I'd post about how how BAD this stuff sucks. Now, I wrote a UFC article too. Talk about being an angry knight who betrays the main character!!!! I ROCK!!!!!!

My favorite UFC character is The UNDERTAKER!!!! because he is like a Dragoon who betrays the main character angrily.

So, be hardcore and drop it like it's hot and watch UFC, keep playing Final Fantasy and don't read Dick Bigman cuz sex jokes aren't funny, they're immature. I bet Randy Cochure from UFC would agree. Yo! Keep it real, pop your collar and YO! CHOAS!!!!!

Dragoon's Betting Odds: UFC 84

First off, this my first post here in along while, so I have to settle business.
1. Sorry Malach, but I won't being doing the Dick Biggma review I promised due to lack of interest of the that shitty webcomic and the tool that writes up the gold that is one interchangeable sex induendo after another.
2. Dick Biggman is horrible.

Now to the actual article of mine:

UFC 84:

Lightweight Championship bout: B.J. Penn vs. Sean Sherk
Very good sounding fight, but probably won't last long enough to keep my interest longer than 'That guy got knocked the fuck out!'.
Betting Odds: Sherk defeats Penn by TKO at 2:10 of the 1st round.
It will be back and forth for a bit, then Sherk rocks Penn to the floor, mounts, then rains down blows to the face for the Belt.



Light Heavyweight bout: Tito Ortiz vs. Lyoto Machida
Will easily be fight of the night. Lyoto will dominated first 2 rounds with stand-up mostly with the first round and ground game during the second. Tito will still look great during the whole fight and will make a strong come back in the 3rd. With an early rocking of Lyota to the floor, Tito plays with the ground, trying for the mount with trying to pass guard and good hit from top. Eventually takes back, but the crafty Lyoto will get out of the position and will get stood up with very little on the clock. Lyoto safely waits till the end of the round with Tito looking back in his prime.
Betting Odds: Machida defeats Ortiz by Unanimous decision (29-28 from all 3 judges).



Light Heavyweight bout: Wanderlei Silva vs. Keith Jardine
After this fight, you will fell like Wanderlei Silva should retire before he gets murdered in the ring again. Keith Jardine won't get the TKO. He will get the knockout that puts Silva on the mat with no ground'n'pound needed. Silva will defend against the punches till the beginning of the 2nd, but his knockout will be brutal and will easily top the Sherk's TKO.
Betting Odds: Jardine defeats Silva by KO at :55 of the 2nd round

2 for 1 Special: Round out the rest of the Main card
Light Heavyweight bout: Thiago Silva vs. Antonio Mendes
Light Heavyweight bout: Wilson Gouveia vs. Goran Reljic

The only fighter out of this bunch I have even seen is Silva, so this assessment will be all guesswork to see if I can 5-for-5.
Betting Odds: Silva defeats Mendes & Reljic defeats Gouveia


Respond through comments or, if you wished to be ridiculed mercilessly by me, respond with a full post on your picks.

Common Ground

Being a demon means you have to deal with all sorts of people, but almost every one of my clients had a very good reason for striking a bargain with Satan and selling their soul into eternal torment, so I try not to be too judgmental. Besides, when you’re #1 on Dick Cheney’s speed dial like I am, having to talk with some of the other nutjobs who wander through occasionally almost seems like a vacation.

That’s not to say that the guy I call “Sammy” is a complete nutjob- let’s just say he’s really, really REALLY intense. So when Sammy called me this morning and said he needed to talk I was more than happy to click my hooves together and re-embody myself in- well, to be safe, I’d better not say exactly where. Sammy handed me a letter that appeared to have been typed on an old Smith Corona manual typewriter.

“I’d like you to deliver that to another one of your clients,” he told me, “Sorry about the typos”.

I glanced at the letter, which was addressed to Hillary Clinton. I shrugged.

“OK, I’m going to be seeing her this weekend anyway, she needs some ‘favors’ for next week’s primaries. Can I read it?”

Sammy smiled. “I’d like you to,” he said. “Just make sure it’s ok, as you say.”

I sat down, put on my reading glasses, and read it-

Dear Mrs. Clinton,

I have just red read that you have come out in support of Candidate McCain’s proposal to do away with the 18 cent Federal Gas Tax. As you know (because all American econimists say so) even though suspending this tax will only save the average American driver about ## $25 this summer, it will also cripple much-nded needed repairs on America’s roads and bridges, and it will make Americans drive more and make them even more dependint on Middle Eastern oil. Of course, every dollar that goes to Middle Eastern oil also goes to fund terrorist groups that are killing Americans in Iraq and elsewhere. For all these reasons, I was surpriseed that you would support such a proposal simply in order to win more votes.

I stopped and looked up.

“Are you sure you want to send this?” I asked Sammy.

He nodded. “I just have to add a final sentence and sign it. You will deliver it?”

I assured him I would, so he took the letter and typed out his final sentence and signed-

Although your husband was a cockroach-eating infidel, I think you’re a real hottsie-tottsie, and you have my full support! I’m enclosing an Al Quaeda lapel in, and hope you’ll wear it proudly.

Your friend,

Osama bin Laden

I took the letter, stuffed it in my pocket, and wiped a little tear out of the corner of my eye. I couldn’t help it, it’s so sweet when my clients can find common ground.

The Wand of Suck

Obama
Wow, how scared is Republican Party of Barack Obama? This entire garbage about Rev. Wright and his "influence" on Obama is way overplayed. I am even hearing these neo con media guys promoting Hillary, they now they can beat her.

Seriously, this is not important, it is typical political bullshit. If we are going to label Obama as broken because of this relationship, we should list every Catholic as broken for continuing to support a religion that hid sex abusers and pedophiles. You need to go after the Bush family and 40 year relationship with the bin Laden family. Or how about John McCain and he hatred for the Vietnamese because of they years he spent as a POW; yeah you like that jump of assumption, don't you. It is the same jump one makes about Obama and Wright.

How about Malach and his love of Gangsta Rap. Or Toyi her love of Death Metal. Please do not make Hillary the candidate for the Democratic Party, you will lose.

The Wand of Suck
This blog sucks, I am renaming it The Wand of Suck unless you can prove me otherwise. What happened to the Rants? What happened to the Tales of WoW? What happened to the funny editorials? Biographical stories of life? The reviews of movies and books. This place sucks. IT SUCKS!!! It it has become a self indulgent place of idiocy. It no longer meets my approval!

I am Malach and I am partly to blame.