Ten Things the San Francisco Zoo staff will do today

1. Stop old feeding program of only allowing tigers to eat after they have successfully attacked a lifelike human effigy.

2. Finally get around to putting tigers in actual tiger grotto, not keep them in old penguin grotto anymore.

3. Stop taking the shady contractors word for how tall walls are.

4. Purchase measuring tapes.

5. Borrow luminol from SFPD, see if there are any other blood trails we should now about.

6. Start new public education campaign: "Don't taunt the tigers."

7. Cancel old advertising campaign: "Bet you're not brave enough to put your leg in the tiger grotto."

8. Cancel Tatiana's scheduled performance on Letterman's "Stupid Animal Tricks."

9. Stop laughing at the cop who told Tatiana to "stop!"

10. Wonder what in the hell Police Chief Fong has on Mayor Newsom that could possibly be keeping her employed.