Holday Hump Day Jokes

A dad went to his shrink and the Dr. ask "what seems to be the problem?" " My son cusses in every sentences what should I do?" Ask him what he want for X-mas and if he tells you without cussing give him that present, but if he cuses while telling you give him dog shit. So he goes home and says son what do you want for X-mas? I want a god damn X-box 360 at the foot of my bed, a Ipod nano with all the shit, and fucking dirt bike. He wake up the next morning and at the foot of his bed was dog shit, opened a box that looked like a Ipod but it was dog shit, he run outside and saw dirt bike shadow but it was dog shit covering his old bike. The dad came out and said "son what did Santa bring you?" I think he brought me a god damn dog but I can’’t find the little bastard.

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It was Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. "What is that?" he asked. She said, "I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg I had them tattoo 'Merry Christmas,' and on the inside of the other one they tattooed 'Happy New Year.'" Perplexed, he asked, "Why did you do that?" "Well," she replied, "Now you can't complain that there's never anything to eat between Christmas and New Years!"

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Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter heaven. On entering they are told that they must present something "Christmassy." in order to get in. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some pine needles from the family's Christmas tree. He is let it. The second man presents a bow and some ribbon, from presents that were opened earlier in that night. So he is also allowed in. The third man pulls out a pair of panties. Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?" To which he replies, "Oh, They're Carol's."

~holiday love~