Hump Day Jokes

Billy's homework assignment is to think of a true story

with a moral so he goes home and thinks about it all night and finally has one.
The following day, Suzy raises her hand first and says, "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road."
The teacher asks for the moral to the story. Suzy replies, "Don't put all your eggs in one basket."
Next is Lucy. "Well, my dad owns a farm, too, and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched.

The moral is, don't count your chicks before they are hatched.''
Billy is last to speak. He says, ''My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam War. His plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed, with only a parachute, a bottle of bourbon, a machine gun, and a machete. As he floated down he drank the bottle of bourbon. Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of 100 North Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but ran out of bullets so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. The blade broke on his machete, so he killed the last 10 with his bare hands.''
The teacher looks in shock at Billy and asks if there is possibly any moral to his story.
Billy replies, "Don't fuck with my Uncle Ted when he's been drinking.''

~*~*~*~*~*~

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only shorts made from Gladwrap. The psychiatrist says, ''Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.''

~*~*~*~*~*~

Yankee Doodle went to town

A-riding on his mother

Every time he hit a bump

He had another brother!

~*~*~*~*~*~

Why did Raggedy Ann get kicked out of the toy box?

She sat on Pinocchio's face and told him to lie to her.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Sorry I missed last week everyone! I

have been extremely busy with work and wedding planning.

Hope these make your Hump Day a little brighter.

~wicked love to all~