Complaints Department

Not usually my job, but I have a few issues. No. Society has a few issues. Hmmmmm. Alright. Maybe not all of society. A good portion of society. I only want to rant about one at a time so let's tackle the obvious: Celebrity Obssessions.

I don't know any celebrities on a personal level. Neither do any of my friends, family, co-workers or collegues. So, I was shocked the other day (maybe it was a year ago) when I asked a depressed friend what was bothering her. She was upset about "Brad and Angelina" fighting. Stupid me, Ithought they were just normal friends or family members of her. Nope. They were Brad and Angelina Jolie. They were perfect for each other! If they can't be happy, how can any of us ever find happiness???

Or, witness the debate that is Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart. Many people obsess about whether she married him because he's Harrison Ford (which I admit, I would agree to do), or becauase it's true love.

Bulletin: It's all fake.

Soap Operas and Pro Wrestling.

Celebrities and Sports figures.

Lucky from GH and Michael Vick.

I

DON'T

CARE

about these people. I don't care if Barry Bonds took steroids or what Lindsay Lohan snorts before doing 90 in her mom's new Porshe. I don't care. I don't.

I watch movies, TV and sports. I could care less about what happens when the show stops. People who work in factories for 20 years and end up bed ridden don't get a SportsCenter special, and they sure as heck don't make celebrity duckets. It might make an interesting read in a magazine here and there, but who cares that some linebacker has had too many concussions and has depression and health issues. I HAVE THAT! I want MY fifteen million dollar contract. To quote the wise and delicious Kurt Russel as Wyatt Earp in TOMBSTONE, "I already got the guilty conscience, might as well have the money too."

Everybody, join me in my latest campaign. Fuck Celebrities. Not sexually, but raise the finger whenever you hear, read or see one. If your friend starts talking about a celebrity, shout "Fuck Celebrities!" at them.

FUCK CELEBRITIES!

Next up: Politics.