Hump Day Jokes

A man with a fifty inch penis goes to the doctor complaining that he can't get any women. The doctor says, 'Well, I can't help you, but I know a witch doctor who can'. So the man goes to see the witch doctor, and the witch doctor tells the man to go to the lake, and that when he gets there, he will see a magic frog. All he has to do is ask the frog to marry him. When the frog says 'no', his penis will shrink ten inches.

So, the man goes to the lake and sees the frog. 'Frog,' the man says, 'will you marry me?' 'No!' says the frog. Suddenly, his penis was only forty inches long.

Well, that's good, but I need it shorter, the man thinks to himself. Once again, he asks the frog, and his penis shrinks ten inches. Now he is down to thirty inches. That's pretty good, but it could be a little shorter, he thought. So the man asks the frog to marry him, and in a furious rage the frog answers ' for the last time! NO! NO! NO!'

~*~*~*~

A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on the bar and turned to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."

The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals, unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer.''I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. "I'll try,'' said a small woman, ''but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."

~*~*~*~

One day a blonde finds out from her friend that her boyfriend is cheating on her. So one day she goes out to the mall and buys a gun. After that she goes to her boyfriend's house. She busts down the door and points the gun at her head.

"What are you doing?'' says her boyfriend.

"Shut up! You're next!"

~wicked hump day love~