FULL SADDAM HANGING VIDEO

FULL SADDAM HANGING VIDEO Here it is, it is graphic and pretty much leave no doubt. WoW Exclusive, the Full Saddam Execution Video, thanks to Crumb for pointing out a link. By the way, Angry Veteran, your mission is now accomplished. I am Malach and first I brought you Britney's Crotch, and now, the Saddam Hanging.

It's not over until the nasty dictator hangs.

Hussein execution imminent, lawyer says

BAGHDAD, Iraq -- Saddam Hussein could be hanged as early as Saturday, one of the former Iraqi dictator's lawyers told The WoW on Friday.

"Different sources" said the death sentence would be carried out Saturday morning, defense attorney Najib al-Nuaimi said from Doha, Qatar.

"I think the Americans will accompany him onto the execution stage and I think they will have a pre-recorded film that will be released [Saturday] evening if they carry out the sentence in the day," he said. "I have been told that the American's are flying in Ozzy Osbourne to sing 'No More Tears' as Saddam's sentence is carried out."

Hussein's chief lawyer Khalil al-Dulaimi said U.S. officials asked him on Friday to collect Hussein's belongings.

"The American side has just called me and asked me to either send someone to pick up the personal effects of Saddam Hussein and his [half] brother Barzan al-Tikriti, to give them an address to which they can send them, or to provide an Ebay account under which they can be auctioned off," al-Dulaimi said.

Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki said Friday that nothing will stop or delay the execution, according to Iraqi national television.

There will be "no reviews or delays in the execution of the criminal Saddam," al-Maliki told The WoW by telephone on Friday.

The former Iraqi dictator remained in U.S. custody Friday and has not been handed over to Iraq authorities for execution, according to Iraqi Deputy Justice Minister Bosho Ibrahim.

What else is on deck for Uncle Saddam?

• A reunion with his infamous homosexual lover: Satan.
• His final meal: a week old chicken McNugget Happy Meal with apple slices and a chocolate milk force-fed to him while listening to extremely loud Barry Manilow Disco Remixes.
  
• The Last Rites to be "administered" by Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.
• No reach around. No lube. No kidding.
• You know, the usual: a slap to the face, an ice pick to the ear, an acetylene torch to the balls. Pretty standard stuff, really.
  
• Repeated viewings of the L. Ron Hubbard classic "Battlefield Earth."
  
• Well, there is not going to be 72 virgins waiting for him in heaven. That much is certain.

WoW Home Remodeling course 2.

Remodel a kitchen in 3 days for $300.
The wife and I just redid the kitchen, nothing major; refinished the cabinets, remodeled a few pieces, new hardware etc. First a bit about the kitchen. When we moved in, the kitchen was a bit outdated, almost immediately we purchased new appliances (the previous owners had put in a new dishwasher and stovetop about a year before we bought it). Luckily the sink and faucet were fairly new. All the cabinets are at least 20 years old and hand made. For the size of our house (1900+ sq. feet) the kitchen is kind of small, maybe in and of itself 350 sq. ft. It is also a open kitchen. It is part of this one large room that is 15' wide and about 28' long. It runs from the front of the house to the back. It basically begins with a front door entry foyer, to a dining room, and then ends in the open kitchen. Becuase the kitchen is open and the kitchen cabinets are spacious, it feels a lot bigger, and we don't have any storage issues.

Some pics of the kitchen about a month before we moved in:

You can immediately see the need for painting. Most of the paint was older, and faded, or discolored. You can also see the 50 year old oven, that was always at about 100 degrees, and would not really close. You can also see this ugly brick around the kitchen (fake brick, 1/4" brick sheeting) and lining the oven column, the kitchey country look, and top it off, and what you cannot see is a this stencilled pink ribbon motif that went around the top of the room . . . Be lucky you cannot see it.

So, the wife and I had some decisions, we cannot afford to remodel the kitchen right now, but had to get out of country kishce Hell. We needed something that would last at least the next ten years or so. So we decided to paint the cabinets (especially since they are in pretty good shape), the brick, and the walls, and get new modern hardware. I addition, the brick was starting to fall down in the center column where the oven was, so we decided to pull it down.

Malach is particular about his paint, and uses only Behr paint. While you will spend a bit more for it (as much as $30 a gallon), I find it's wearablity, color fastness, and ability to take abuse unmatched. We went with a color pattern similar to our dishes, and decide upon the best design for the colors, going with a modernist look; we also bought the hardware, nothing too fancy, but minimalist looking, spending about $300 total for paint and hardware. We then knocked all the brick off the center stack (Leaving a pretty unsightly mess of stuck on concrete), removed all the cabinet doors, and primed everything. I also plastered the center column to blend the old brick cement in something textural (looks real nice, hard to see in the pics. Then everything was painted a nice off white, except for the cabinet doors and drawer fronts; including the ceiling and beams in the ceiling (a kind of white wash). Cabinet doors painted with a fresh spring green, and the drawer faces, and deep blue. After painting, I reinstalled everything with new hardware.

This would have taken two days if my elbow did not blow out (see my blog for the story).

Here are the final photos from the same angles, and yes the pink ribbon is gone.

Ahh, next is the dining room, which I will be doing in far eastern style.

Malach brings you the dirt on Hobbs and Piper
This was a few years ago when they were lumberjacks.

I am Malach and you may call me Bob Villa.

Silent Star Wars

News Flash

Found on a reliable site:

Archaeologists Discover That Mayan Calendar Is Actually A Pile of Rocks

Newsboys - Mexico

A team of archaeologists has discovered that the famed "Mayan Calendar" is actually just a pile of rocks with some strange writing on it. They also revealed that bits of paper were the only clues they had to go on to make this discovery. Henry Beautwa Milliue, head of The Great Big School of Archaeology and the left arm of the second Voltron super robot made the boring announcement.

"Much to zee displeasyure of conzpirasie buffs," he said in in snooty French accent, "Zay are jjjjjoooost ROCKS!" He then spit upon Newsboys correspondent Will Smith (yes, that Will Smith. He's going to make a better life for his son, dammit. Who cares what his shirt looks like!)

The team made the discovery while examining some old buildings in the jungle. The buildings were also made of rock. Newsboys is pretty sure the jungle is somewhere with lots of snakes and trees and dark skinned people live there. That's why we sent Will Smith. He's less conspicuous. My editor says to remove that remark. What an asshole.

Rocks are thing in the ground that are heavy and solid. You can throw smaller ones, called stones, and larger ones, called boulders, can never be moved. The rocks in question were somewhere in between the two sizes and no one knows how they got piled up for sure. Theories range from alien intervention, lost advanced civilizations (like Atlanta) or just plain old hard booty scratching work. If my editor calls me a racists one more time, I'm going to punch him. He's reading this right now. Go on, Mike. Say it you fat fuck! Thought so.

Anyways, somebody drew a bunch of stuff on these rocks and a few bits of paper helped smart people figure out it was a calendar. In the midst of all this, many people forgot they were just rocks like we all have in our backyard.

Conspiracy advocate Dwane Finance believes the calendar is more than 'just rocks'. "The calendar has fortold many events in the past and will fortell the future," he explains. When asked to give some examples he says "World War II, the Gulf War and September 11th. Plus it predicts the end of days on December 21st 2012." When told that Newsboys had watched a special on Nostradamus that claimed he did the same things, Finance shouted back, "It's not the same!" Newboys then teased him by saying that the rocks in our backyard agree with the Mayan rocks. The interview was concluded when Newboys correspondent Will Smith immitated Muhammed Ali and stuck his big fat lower lip out and made monkey sounds.

Will Smith is funny.

The controversy refuses to die, much like Rasputin, who is also a controversial figure. That was quite clever. But for now, Archaeologists brightest stars shine on in their conviction that the Mayan Calendar is made of jungle rocks.

The Three Wise Men

Long ago in the far off land of Persia, there lived three Magi. Their names were Murkior, Malachi and Piperzar. One night, they saw a huge supernova and went off in search of a cute little baby named Jesus. They knew that supernovae and Jesuses were related because they were freaking Magi.

They gathered the most precious gifts they could find: Grog, Nog and Pipes. Oh, how joyous they were to set out across the inhospitable and snowy desolation of the desert. They traveled for six days and met angels and shepards. They also met a friendly snowman named Frostalot Bon San Klaus, who was dressed all in red and gold. He too was in search of the Jesus predicted by the supernova.

Along the way, they killed Hobbs Von Wackamole and made fun of Captain Flak Paperpants. They even got drunk with J*sse D*b*c from *ttleboro. They were so joyous and happy that John the Baptist gave them a secret potion to make demons run away.

Suddenly, they were attacked by Ninjas from the East who sought to steal the potion to release their master, J-Kwon Doe. A fight ensued. Malachi turned their skeletons into liquid metal. Murkior tipped his hat and made them vanish. Piperzar had eighteen attacks with his nunchucks and dispatched their souls to the hell of upside-down tart f*ckers.

Finally, they came upon the North Pole and found a manger with a cool virgin and a kick ass one eyed sailor named Joseph. There was much rejoicing.

But what of the baby king named Jesus who was to be raised by wolves?

Find out January 6th when the Murk and Malach Show, featuring the Anrgy Piper presents "A Very Dry Christmas".

Translation: I have pneumonia and the Christmas special will be a week late. Nite.

Murk

Today's Terribly Offensive WebComic

I don't get it.
(click for a larger image.)

Merry X-Mas

I am Malach and I got a gift certificate for tattoos.

A WoW Christmas Eve

‘Twas the night before Christmas
Angry Piper was pissed.
He’d fell asleep checking
His WoW Christmas list.

His beer glass was empty
Its contents now spilt
To mix with stale gin
On the Piper’s plaid kilt.

The shopping, the presents,
Made Christmas a chore,
The wet list on his lap
He looked over once more.

For Palmer some comics,
Just Me gets some shoes;
Dragoon needs some Guinness
Though he doesn’t drink booze.

Because he’s so Irish
A potato for Crumb;
For Malach some chaps
That show off his bum.

A clown nose for Shimmer,
Since she makes the jokes;
Angry Vet gets the Camels
Because it’s well-known he smokes.

Da Ali G Show for Hojo
Since he liked Borat;
A bikini for Toyi
Piper wants some of that!

A science kit for the Mantis
To fix his bug mug,
A Wii for Linkmaster,
AngryMan gets a hug.

For Hobbs: Painful Death!!!!
Sweet revenge most sublime!
For the Cap’n
An inflatable Optimus Prime.

The remaining Wowees
He chose not to flatter.
A sad fact of life:
You don’t post, you don’t matter.

Then a slap to the forehead
Oh Christ! What a jerk!
When making his list
He forgot Dr. Murk!

But what to get Murk?
He lives the High Life!
A palatial estate!
A smokin’ hot Asian wife!

A mustache trimmer?
His facial hair’s fake!
“I know!” said the Piper.
“Last year’s old fruitcake!”

Fruitcake: a creation
Of some sadist elf;
This one weighed as much
As the Piper himself!

Re-gifting always gave
The Piper good cheer.
He rose from his chair.
He refilled his beer.

And I heard him exclaim
As he raised his glass high,
“Merry Christmas to the WoW!
(And Hobbs-may you die!!)



Merry Christmas, everyone.

Some XMas plugs for your ass . .

A couple of new interesting search engines.
Since Malach is now averaging 850 unique visitors a day at RubberSuit Studios he gets all sorts of weird links. The too newest are search engines. The first is kind of a next genration Ask Jeeves. Ms. Dewey it's called. While a bit slow is this a indication of Searches to come in the future. The other one I just discovered is Page Bull. Looks like anyother search, but for example, search "Wand of Wonder".

How talented is my three year old daughter?
Well she got her first pair of scissors today, and preceded to make this, with no help from mom or dad (except I helped he tape it together).

She calls it a Paper Flower. She obviously is cursed with Daddy's talent and you can see the rest of her stuff here. The boy is more techinical, and really good with technology. He also has a gallery.

Mahmoud! Dude!
You gonna take this shit?

OK, I posted one version of this at my blog yesterday.

You get a even more special version.

I am Malach and Nimoy and Shatner are the greatest pop stars ever.

Vote Murk & Malach For President in '08

Because they care enough to
dress up like French Toast
for the benefit of all mankind.

What we New Englanders SHOULD be doing at this time of the year.

But, the snow gods have deicded
to neglect us this year.

Ten Things You Didn't Know About Malach!

1. He has a full head of long, lustrous hair. He just chooses to shave it all off because he likes to look older than he really is (43.)
2. He is a world famous hand model and is widely known as "The Smooth Knuckle Kid."
   
3. It is rumored that he is not of this world.
   
4. He has unsuccessfully run for State Representative in his Massachusetts district 17 times.
   
5. In the summer, he goes to the local beaches and pretends he can't swim in a vain attempt to pick up women.
   
6. He loves you WAY more than you love him. (and in inappropriate ways!)
   
7. In New York City, he is still referred to as "Queen of the Bananas"
8. Although in public he sounds like a cross between Kermit The Frog and Ray Romano, at home he prefers to speak like Charles Nelson Reilly.
9. His favorite movie is 1978's Laserblast!
10. He likes his chocolate dark. Very, very dark.
    

WoW Holiday Season Scavenger Hunt Game!

Sick and tired of the holiday season already? Need a distraction? Ok, then play the WoW Holiday Season Scavenger Hunt Game! All you have to do is post some pictures of you doing the things listed below.


1. Drinking a Scottish beer

2. You with an aluminum pole ("a festivus for the rest of us!")

3. You with a mall Santa bonus points if you’re on his lap

4. You in a nativity scene

5. You with a menorah Bonus points if with a Jew!

6. Wrap yourself up in wrapping paper.

7. A light saber fight in Wal-Mart (or similar store)

8. You as a holiday decoration

9. Doing something inappropriate with a statue

10. You shot gunning a beer

11. You in drag

12. You holding more than 10 inflated balloons

13. You in a ball pit

14. A chalk outline of your body in a public place with you laying in it

15. You in a "dog pile" or. at the BOTTOM of the dog pile

16. Hold some sort of Sonic Youth paraphernalia kissing it

17. Acting out part of a Shakespearian play



















18. Legs behind your head

19. You in a store laying in a dog bed

20. A group of 5 or more people acting out 5 or more emotions

21. You riding inside of a shopping cart in the store

22. You physically inside of a clothes dryer

23. You inside a men’s or women’s bathroom (the opposite of your sex)

24. You holding a snake or tarantula

25. You wearing an apron and pretending to cook on an oven range/bbq grill/etc. at store

26. You with a book from a kama sutra book in a bookstore and then you (and however many people needed) recreating that pose (clothes optional) doing it in a public place = 5 extra points

27. You using a Swiffer Sweeper AND LOVING IT.

28. You and 8 different bottles of hard liquor.

29. You doing the "downward facing dog" yoga pose.

30. Write WoW on your body in navy or dark blue frosting

31. "Eating"(pretending to eat) a giant food (like the height/size of a human)

32. You at a famous landmark

33. Reenact your favorite arcade game

34. Riding an escalator like Buddy the Elf (Elf the movie)

35. Trapped in revolving doors

36. With a llama

37. Up in a tree

38. Chasing a squirrel. (The squirrel has to be in the picture too!)

39. You with an old person throwing the shocker sign.

40. Eating Pez in the sexiest manner possible.

41. Males: A photo of you wearing bright red lipstick Females: A photo of you with a beard and moustache

42. You on a roof

43. Engaging in some sort of vice in public (drinking, smoking, drugs, sex, gambling, etc.)

44. Standing inside an enormous freezer

45. Rocking out like one of those iPods ads in an Apple store

46. Viewing or displaying some kind of porn

47. Getting the traditional New Year's Eve kiss

48. Running with scissors

49. In the shower fully clothed, water on.

50. Taking a picture with a ski mask on at your local gas station

51. Hold a sign up in a public place that says “I love the cock”

52. A picture of you and a snowman

53. A photo of a pair of boobs and your thumbs down.

54. Men: trying on a bra at Victoria secret Women: trying on a jock strap at a sporting goods store

55. Giving praise to a lamp post on a pedestrian filled street

56. Licking a frozen pole

57. Reenact/dress like a WoWee's avatar (pick anyone)

58. Dress up and act like a mime in public (gay mime = bonus points)

59. Picture of the inside of a car wash - one of the automatic ones that you sit through.

60. Fake stab a stranger with a stake.


Yes, there are more than 50, I know. You don't need to get them all... just try to get a few and be as creative as possible!

I think all pictures should be posted by Sunday January 14th, 2007. Sound good? That's almost a month so it should give you all plenty of time! Any questions, comments, etc that you may have you can post in the comments section where I will ignore them and ridicule your stupidity.

Who ever gets the most pictures in the list, will win a special WoW Surprise Gift!

(Oh, and for you smarties... take the list, paste it into a personalized post and then edit it with your pictures similar to how I edited in one of me in the list above.)

Finally, I have solid proof that there is a God...

...and he has answered my prayers.

God, if you visit this blog,
I just want to say thanks, man.
Seriously, I mean it.
Thank you.

Ratzy gets his revenge on Malach

But first some blog news.
This blog is in process of being converted to the new blogger. That means a few things. One, you are going to have to now sign in with a google account. The Blogger interface will automatically switch you. Two, this blog will get a slight redesign, including much need catagories. More come to when it updates.

As for the title.
Many of you know Malach works for a large non profit, but did you also know it was a Catholic based organization? So, we run a huge X-Mas program, where we distribute toys and clothes to the needed. Malach organizes this program in the New Bedford Office. Without getting into logistics, there are large trash bags filled with goodies lining our hallways, conferences rooms, and our unused chapel (this is an old convent). Close to 600 of them.

So Malach is in the chapel, grabbing a bag for one of our clients, and *WHACK*, smashes his head against something extremely hard and unmoving. He sees stars, and almost falls over. Shaking the cobwebs from his head he looks up, to see a 4' statue of the Virgin Mary mounted on the wall, that he had slammed his head against. I thought I saw her laughing.

I am Malach and I suffer from post-concussion syndrome.

If there was a Jeep Liberty Mistress, this would be me.

But, those days are over now. She left me for another woman.

Hump Day Jokes ...

"Christmas is almost on us," said the teacher, "and tomorrow I want all of you boys and girls to bring something to illustrate what Christmas is all about."

Next day, each pupil had brought something along. Little Sally was first. "I've brought a toy reindeer," she said, "because Santa's sleigh is pulled by reindeer."Then came George, who had brought a piece of the deodar tree from his garden."This is what Christmas trees are made of," he explained. Little Bruce had brought some wrapping paper, and Marcie brought a picture of a turkey. All of which the teacher praised, but expressed the wish that someone had used a bit more initiative, and also concentrated more on the spiritual aspects of Christmas.

Inevitably, Little Johnnie at the back of the class had his hand up all the while, snapping his fingers, and hissing "Miss, Miss." And as a last desperate resort she calls on him."Okay, Little Johnnie," says teacher. "What have you brought."

Proudly, Little Johnnie produces a set of ladies panties, which he twirls around his finger, high above his head, for all of the class to see.

"What are THOSE?" demands Teacher, as if she didn't know. "They're girls' panties, Miss." "I can see that, Johnnie. But what have they got to do with Christmas?"

"They're Carol's."

~*~*~

Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his shrink what to do. The shrink said that since Christmas was coming up that he should ask Johnny what he wanted Santa to bring him. If he cussed he should leave a pile of dog shit in place of the gift. Two days before Christmas Johnny's dad asked Johnny what he wanted. Johnny said, "I want a god damn teddy bear laying right fucking here beside me when I wake-up Christmas morning. Then when I go downstairs I want to see a mother-fuckin' train going around the god damn tree, and when I go outside I want to see a red-assed fuckin' bike leaning up against the damn garage!"

Christmas morning Little Johnny woke up and rolled over into a big pile of dog shit. Confused, he walked downstairs and saw a bunch of dog shit around the Christmas tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog shit by the garage. When he walked back inside with a curious look on his face, his dad smiled and asked, "So Johnny, what did Santa bring you this year?" Johnny replied, "I think I got a god damn dog but I can't find the son of a bitch."

~Merry X-Mas WoWeess ....FYI: Hump Day Jokes will return after the 1st of the year, I'm taking vacation!!!!~

Mission Accomplished? Mission NOT Accomplished!

Bush appears to shift outlook on Iraq and those adorable, loveable bunny rabbits.

President Bush appeared to say for the first time that the United States is not winning the war in Iraq, adopting the view of Gen. Peter Pace, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

Bush told The WoW, "I think an interesting construct that Gen. Pace uses is, 'We're not winning, we're not losing.' Plus, did you know that I love bunny rabbits? Yes, it's true! I really do!"

Bush also told The WoW that he plans to expand the overall size of the U.S. military and is considering a short-term surge in troops and bunnies in Iraq.

Bush has said he will reveal a new strategy for Iraq next month after considering the report of the bipartisan Iraq Study Group and consulting with Pentagon officials and others.

New Defense Secretary Robert Gates met Wednesday with Gens. John Abizaid, top U.S. commander in the Middle East, George Casey, the top general in Iraq and Sgt. Bun-Buns, the President's Chief Advisor on Domestic Rabbit Affairs.

"We discussed the obvious things," Gates told WoW reporters after his meeting. "We discussed the possibility of a surge and the potential for what it might accomplish. Oh, yeah, and I guess we also talked about the benefits of eating more delicious carrots."

The defense chief was scheduled to meet Thursday with Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki.

As he headed for Iraq, accompanied by Pace, Gates said the trip's purpose was to "go out, listen to the commanders, talk to the Iraqis and see what I can learn. ... I expect to learn a lot."

What else has President Bush shifted his outlook on?

• He is no longer willing to accept the fact that Condoleezza Rice is black. She is now considered to be "severely tanned."
  
• Rumsfeld did not resign. He just went on permanent assignment in Boca Raton, Florida.
• His West Wing Staffers must now refer to Christmas as "Bushmas."
• The forward Press Section of Air Force One WILL be turned into an airborne disco.
  
• He has decided not to order the assassination of Simon Cowell, the snooty, metrosexual English judge on American Idol.
• The Las Vegas Hilton will no longer be referred to as "The Gambling White House."
• Staying sober? No fucking way. IT'S ON!

Instant Coffee

I know there's a post in here somewhere.

Here it is.

I bought some instant coffee in the quest to make home made Coca Cola Blak. You see, Coca Cola Blak has been removed from the shelves. Thanks Coke. Hook me on another product and yank it away. Oh no. You couldn't remove Rockstar.

So anyways, I remeber instant coffee from camping. A GODSEND. You need caffiene and coffee flavor now and it's miles away. BOOM Instant coffee. Perfect.

Well, my recipe failed (again. six recipes and only one candidate) and so I decided the instant coffee might make a great nine PM pick me up.

Backstory:

I started taking Paxil three months ago. Everything was going great until... the side effects wore off and the trade off is now no anxiety, but severe sleepiness. Answer. Caffiene.

Coffee is a project at 9:30 at night. I figure, go camping in my living room and microwave a glass of water and BAM! Well...

Instant coffee tastes like coffee syrup over water with cigarette butts in it.

I quit drinking for this?

Soda? Ran out.

Pep pills? No. Fresh out.

Crystal Meth? Doctor said no more.

Cocaine? Yeah, sure. You think I'm Ron Jeremy? F*ck that!

So, it's instant coffee tonight. Maybe forever.

I'd rather suck the urine of an overcaffinated goat. But, the goat died from the pep pills. F*cking goat. Foamy and putrid. Not the goat piss, the instant coffee.

So, I'm setting up the tent in the back yard for the next week and taking my cell phone. Maybe everything will taste better out doors. Like sex.

Anyways, Coca Cola Blak has ruined my life.

If you find it, feel free to send me all you can get for free. I have no cash. I spent it on the goat and the Meth. You can get my address out of my f*cking *ss and send it to f*ck me I'm screwed land.

Here's to you, WoWees. And thanks a f*cking lot!

The American Boss Strikes Again!

In reference to my previous article, check out this email I received from an old colleague of mine who, until recently, was still working at a technology company in Massachusetts that shall remain nameless:



Hi Everyone,

If you're getting this, it means that you don't work with me, and may not read my online journal. So I wanted to give you a sort of heads-up.

The past few years at my job have been really, really bad. (something a lot of you already know)

The company was recently sold and I have not had a raise in over four years. In fact, I get treated like crap for working hard. Instead of more money, I got more work and was eventually doing the work of four people. Recently, the stress has led to me having panic attacks where I can't breathe and my heart hurts.

I saw my doctor and am being treated for them. I saw my boss and am being ignored for them.

I could go on and on but I will spare you that. ;)

Thursday morning, I had two panic attacks before 11:00 AM. And the crap just kept coming. People were literally lining up to scream at me.

Heart hurt, could not beathe...good stuff.

So I got a little box and put all my stuff in it, and walked out. I called my boss (he was Christmas shopping, I was alone in my entire department) and explained (actually, I sort of told him where to stuff the job). He asked me to stay another week or two and I sort of laughed and that was that.

I got in my truck and drove to the doctors' office. And then home.

So...I am currently unemployed for the first time since I was 16. Jill is still working, of course. We'll be fine until I find a job that does not cause me physical harm. But I just wanted everyone to know.

And of course, if any of you know a company looking for an experienced IT Project Manager, please let me know. My resume is polished up and ready to be emailed! (in fact, I had an interview yesterday)

It's a little scary, to be honest. But I know I'm going to find the right job soon. And it's better to be uncertain of the future than dead of a heart attack at 31.

So. wish me luck. And interviews. Thanks for reading.

Tom

"In light of recent events, I'm instituting a new policy: I'm asking questions."

RIP Joseph Barbera

Joseph Barbera 1911 - 2006
You may or may not know that Joseph Barbera of the highly influential American cartooning team of Hanna-Barbera passed away yesterday at the age of 95. Barbera and his long time partner William Hanna were highly influential in American cartoon developing such iconic shows and characters as Scooby Doo, The Flintstones, Yogi Bear, Tom and Jerry, The Jetsons, Jonny Quest, and many, many more.

The Duo is highly influential on modern cartooning, and if not for Hanna-Barbera and The Flintstones, there would not be a Simpsons, Family Guy, South Park, or even [adult swim].

Perhaps as influential as Walt Disney, we mourn your passing.

I am Malach and I am gonna rustle up some picinic baskets.

Ten Things You Didn't Know About Dr. Murk!

1. He is a certified swimming pool and hot tub maintenance technician.
2. He just wants the five bucks.
   
3. Until going sober, his favorite drink was a glass of "dollar thirteen" scotch. (no ice)
   
4. He hangs out with people from the glittery side of the tracks.
5. He is a 2-time National Champion Hoverball Racer.
6. He has a red leather cat-o-nine tails and, by god, he knows how to use it.
   
7. If you build it, he will come.
8. He knows when you are sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows when you've been bad or good so be good for goodness sake!
9. He has his PhD in parapsychology and psychology.
   
10. His first wife still believes his name was "Carl."

Happy Hanukkah!

The Lonely Jew on X-Mas.
Just a little note to wish Malach's Heeb friends and Jewish WoWees a Happy Hanukkah. Sorry it's not as cool and X-Mas, but it is a Hell of a lot better than Kwanzaa!

And you too can practice your Judiasm, with this interactive Menorah.

Chag Hanukkah Sameach

I am Malach and I am a Festival of Lights.

How Many of You Are Out There ...

Some of you don't know me by my real name but here it is ....Aasta Don Dennis.

And look at this:

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 0 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Find out how many of you there are!!!

~wicked love~

Mmahh, mmahh, I'm John Kerry! Please listen to me!

Kerry calls Bush refusal of dialogue with Iran, Syria "a mistake," but no one really cares what Kerry says.

CAIRO, Egypt -- A disgruntled Sen. John Kerry, on a Mideast tour taking him to Damascus for talks with President Bashar Assad, told The WoW on Friday that the Bush administration's rejection of dialogue with Syria and Iran to try to calm Iraq is a mistake.

The WoW replied by asking "I'm sorry, who is this?"

Kerry's trip is the latest in a growing tussle between the White House and Congress over the recommendations of the Iraq Study Group, a pizza-eating bipartisan panel of undergraduate students from Bridgewater State College that called for talks with Iran and Syria to, like, OMG, win their help in stabilizing war-torn Iraq.

The grudge-carrying Massachusetts Democrat said his visit to Syria was "a fact-finding mission" to explore "what might or might not affect behavior with respect to Hezbollah, Lebanon, Israel and Iraq, where in each of those cases Syria is playing a role."

The Bush administration replied by stating that "no one really gives a crap about Mr. Pouty Pouty Long Face anymore. We won. He didn't. End of story."

Kerry said he was "willing" to go to Iran for talks but had no current plans to do so. Iran replied by saying that they had no idea who Sen. Kerry was and wondered if they were supposed to care about his opinions at all.

What else is Senator Kerry willing to do to get noticed on the political scene?

• Hold up a cardboard sign in front of The Capital Building that says: "Will Work For Sympathy!"
• Go back to his regular job playing "Lurch" on The Addams Family.
• Beg, and I mean BEG for your attention.
• Strongly consider self-immolation.
• Like totally go snowboarding in New Hampshire, dude.
• Video tape having sex with Paris Hilton, leak tape to press.
• Tell all American children that there is no Santa Claus.
  
• Go to North Korea and bitch slap Kim Jong Ill.
• Host the new reality show "Swift Boating with Mr. K"
• Kill wife, deny it later.

No point, all curve

Hi.

Get more at COMMENTYOU.com

Bye.

Malach seems to be a bit slow today, so I will post for him.

Blah blah blah RubberSuit Studios. Blah blah blah Stool Sample Webcomics. Blah blah blah Murk and Malach Show. Blah blah blah Sports. Blah blah blah Minimum Security Forums.

I am Malach and I had nothing to do with this post.

Senator down! We have a Senator down!

WASHINGTON -- With Democrat's grasp of the Senate currently looking thinner than Nicole Richie after a night of binge drinking and endless purging, ultimate control of the chamber hung on the health of a South Dakota senator who underwent brain surgery Thursday morning.

Sen. Tim Johnson, a lowly Democrat, was in critical condition, said David Boyd, a male nursing supervisor at a George Washington University Hospital.

Should Johnson not be able to complete his term, which ends in 2008, South Dakota Gov. Mike Rounds, who coincidently happens to be a Republican, would appoint his replacement, which could shift the balance of power in the Senate.

Democrats gained a 51-49 Senate majority after last month's election. A GOP appointee would result in a 50-50 split and allow the GOP to retain Senate control through Vice President Dick Cheney's tie-breaking vote.

Johnson, 59, was out of surgery at 12:30 a.m. Thursday, a source close to the senator told The WoW. He was hospitalized Wednesday morning after he appeared to suffer stroke-like symptoms.

Adm. John Eisold, attending physician of the U.S. Capitol, told The WoW that Johnson had "an intracerebral bleed caused by a congenital arteriovenous malformation. He underwent successful surgery to evacuate the blood and stabilize the malformation."

Reporters at The Wow are guessing that doctors will use trans balanced harmonic muffler overbearing ceramic implants that will be surgically inserted into Johnson's cerebral flux cavities to repair the damage.

Conspiracy theorists are already coming forward to say that the Republicans are behind the injury and somehow either poisoned or injured Sen. Johnson in a deliberate attempt to win back the Senate.

What else might the Republican Party be willing to do to win back or maintain control?

• Watch every single episode of The WB's Pinky & The Brain to see if they can glean any helpful knowledge.
  
• Reinstate the Confederacy and drop nuclear bombs on anything north of the Mason-Dixon line.
  
• Have all Democratic senators go on a hunting trip with Vice President Cheney.
• Ask the Russian government for tips on posioning people with radioactive materials.
  
• Reactiviate Chuck Barris as a CIA Assassin and deploy him to work throughout the blue states.
• Bring Ronald Reagans' brain out of cold storage and attach it to a IBM Supercomputer to see what diabolical schemes it can come up with now.
  
• Take Barack Obama down to the Texas School Book Depository in Dallas, TX and teach him a lesson he won't soon forget.
  
• Party like it's 1999. (or, 2001, actually.)

I THINK I AM TURNING JAPANESE

THE MOOD OF RED SOX NATION.
JAPANESE! Well it seem Mr. Daisuke Matsuzaka will be a member of the Nation, even though Scott Boras is still evil incarnate (I wonder if he represents artists?). I for one am very excited. Being a former pitcher, this kid has some nasty stuff, and reminds of one Pedro Martinez. There is also some rumors floating around that Clemens is head to Boston too . . . interesting.

Malach campaign to destroy Everybody Love Raymond.
As you can see, you don't mess with mind bullets.

Help a Brother out.
And review The Murk and Malach Show. I don't care if it is a positive or negative review, the more reviews the better.

I am Malach and am Whapanese!

Hump Day Jokes ...

Bubba liked to frequent the old swimming hole but was never able to attract the girls. He decided to ask his friend Billy-Bob for advice. It's those big baggy swimming trunks that make you look like an old fool.. They're years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos-about two sizes too little and drop a fist-sized tater down inside them. I'm telling ya man...you'll have all the babes you want!

The following weekend, Bubba hits the swimming hole with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato. Everybody at the swimming hole was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning way, laughing, looking sick! Bubba went back to his buddy Billy-Bob and asked him, "What's wrong now?"

"Dang it, Bubba!" said Billy-Bob, "the tater goes in the front!"

~*~*~*~

Little Josh comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day.

"Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," he asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"

His father thinks a bit, then says, "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"

"Osama bin Laden," David says.

"Why Osama bin Laden," his father asks in shock.

"Well," Josh says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."

His father's heart swells and he looks at his boy with newfound pride. "Josh, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."

"I know," Josh says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the shit out of him."

*~*~*~*

One day Little Johnny's mom was cleaning his room. In the closet, she found a bondage S&M magazine. This was *highly* upsetting to her. She hid the magazine until his father got home. When Little Johnny's father walked in the door, she irately handed the magazine to him, and said, "THIS is what I found in "your" son's closet."

He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.

Several minutes passed, then she finally asked him, "Well what should we do about this?"

Little Johnny's dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."

~wicked love~

The Rominator goes on the attack!

Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney announced today that he would sign an agreement with the federal government to give 30 specially trained state troopers the authority to enforce immigration laws.

Romney, who is leaving office in three weeks but is seen as a likely presidential candidate, reached the agreement with the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency.

"The scope of our nation's illegal immigration problem requires us to pursue and implement new solutions wherever possible," Romney said in a statement. "State Troopers are highly trained professionals who are prepared to assist the federal government in apprehending immigration violators without disrupting their normal law enforcement routines."

The agreement makes Massachusetts the ninth jurisdiction in the United States in which local officers have the power to enforce federal immigration laws.

What else does Romney want to empower the State Police to do?

• Insist that all women who go black, do, indeed, go back.
  
• Ticket any female performing a sex act on a motor vehicle operator driving along the Massachusetts Turnpike.
  
• Summarily kill all Canadians until the last one is dead, dead, dead.
  
• Arrest any Hispanics going through a McDonalds drive-thru more than once per day.
  
• If you are gay... by god, you're going to pay!
• Arrange for all Troopers to be given free coffee at Dunkin Donuts (served to them by white Christian English speaking attractive servers only.)
  
• Pepper spray or Taser any minorities trying to build another god damn tunnel under Boston.
  
• Refuse to recognize worker permits for all slanty eyed jew bastard tar baby wetbacks.

Step inside the mind..

...of Captain Flak Paperpants!
It is a scary place,
full of horrors,
demons,
battered women
and of course
the Captains deepest
dirtiest
fantasies:

The Quest for the Bridgewater Triangle

WoW movies reviews: Re-Animated, and A Year Without a Santa Claus.

Yes, buckos, 2 reviews.
Disclaimer: Both these are made for TV movies.


Re-Animated
Let us start on a positive note shall we. Re-Animated, debuted this past Friday, on Cartoon Network. It is CN's first attempt at an original live action movie. It is rated TV PG.

The movie is about 12 year old Jimmy Roberts, a 10th grade loser, a pushover who cannot say no to anyone or anything. He is constantly taken advantage of, even by his friends an family.

He