Why I Love Home Movies

Or, Spacefarmer in the board room . . .



I am Malach and please tell your people to stop shooting.

What do you think about this?

Crime rates in DC has gone out of hand and lots of the victims and perpetrators are teens, so look DC answer to this, they have created a Teen Curfew so, this is turning into controversy.

Time is not on my side . .

Another celebrity time has not been kind to.



Bridgitte Bardot. But at least she is like 30 years older than Metallica






I am Malach, and I assure you the Angry Piper would do her.

WoW CONTEST: Ask Richard Dreyfuss!

Ok, so tomorrow Richard Dreyfuss is coming to my office and I will get the chance to meet and spend some time with him. During that time, I plan on talking to him about Close Encounters, Jaws, What About Bob and more.

Here's what's in it for you:

If you could ask Richard Dreyfuss anything... and I do mean ANYTHING... what would you ask him?

If I like your question (and I have no ground rules or expectations) not only I will ask him and get you the answer, but I will tell him that YOU asked me to ask HIM. So, on some roundabout once-removed sort of way, you'll meet him too. Well, kind of. Not really. You get the idea though.

Are you in?

If so, post your question(s) in the comments section!

Eleven Lessons I learned from Robert S. McNamara

1. Empathize with your enemy.
2. Rationality will not save us.
3. There's something beyond one's self.
4. Maximize efficiency.
5. Proportionality should be a guideline in war.
6. Get the data.
7. Belief and seeing are both often wrong.
8. Be prepared to reexamine your reasoning.
9. In order to do good, you may have to engage in evil.
10. Never say never.
11. You can't change human nature.

The Haiku Challenge

I dare all of you;
In Haiku contest of wits.
Captain is unarmed.

Monday Morning

Looks like this guy got a little 'Tooserious' last night!


















Number of falls: 5
Number of unintelligible sentences: 34
Number of people freaked out: 4
Number of wife grabbings: 1
Number of creepy massages given to Murk: 1
Number of people quite like Mr. Tooserious: ZERO

What happens when good community theater goes REALLY bad?

Are you ready to find out?
Then just click here.
Or here.
Enjoy!

Some Random Shiite

Holy Crap.
Did Metallica get elderly overnight or what? Check out the pic. Jesus almighty. Man these guys don't look good at all. I mean the Stones look better than them. And WTF is up with Lars Ulrich's hair?

Speaking of Metal and Metallica.
[adult swim] is debuting a new show called Death Clock Metalocalypse, Brendon Smalls new show (Home Movies Fame). [as] has been ultra secretive (nothing on their website) about it, and the best info I have found is a Wikipedia article, and a MySpace. The little I have seen it looks freakin' hilarious, and if Home Movies was any indication it will be. Check out the YouTube trailer which is also nuts and made me pee my pants.

It premiers this Sunday at 11:45PM. I can't wait. They preview I saw yesturday is the concert footage from "Do You Like Coffee", and they pour scalding coffee over the crowd, melting their flesh.

I am Malach . . . DO YOU LIKE COFFEE!!!!

A Request to be Disintegrated

I have absolutely no interest in this blog and don't know why I'm a member.

I also appear to have no rights to remove myself, so I must ask if you can remove me.

Thanks so much!

Uhm Interesting

Have you ever red Ezekiel 1:00 the entire chapter? interesting about his description of what he saw, sounds to me like he is describing a spaceship or a plane cool, very cool!

How drunk was I on Friday night?

Well, when I woke up the next morning,

I found this on the whiteboard in my kitchen.
(click on the image to see details)

An Interview With a Vampire... no... Mel Gibson

Interview conducted by Dr. Robert J. Murk via Skype Chat feature:

Dr: Mel Gibson. How are you doing tonight? As opposed to last night?

Mel: Actually, it was morning. I was drunk, in jail and embarrassed. Tonight I'm sober, in deep shit and embarrassed. Looks like I was better off before. At least I was drunk.

Dr: You're Australian by birth.

Mel: Right.

Dr: Can we really be expected to hold being drunk against you seeing as how you're Australian by birth?

Mel: Nope. It's not my fault.

Dr; Were you so drunk you thought you were Austrian and not Australian?

Mel: Look, I only hate the Jews when I'm drunk or awake. Let's move on.

Dr: When was the last time you slept?

Mel: During the advanced screening of Lethal Weapon 3.

Dr: What about during The Man Without a Face?

Mel: I... got kicked out.

Dr: Why?

Mel: I kicked a baby on the way in.

Dr: Were you drunk?

Mel: I'm always drunk. And I was dressed as William Wallace.

Dr: But... Braveheart wasn't even written then.

Mel: Yeah, your a smart guy eh?

Dr: I am.

Mel: I wrote your life.

Dr: You're crazy.

Mel: And I play with doo doo for fun.

Dr: I am upset. I loved Braveheart. I loved you.

Mel: Three times in one night, if I remember right.

Dr: But this is too much. What has happened to you?

Mel: Jesus got a hold of me. He's still mad at the Jews and he makes me drink all day long.

Dr: This is pretty inflammatory.

Mel: My doctor said to take the antibiotics and the swelling would go away. He lied.

Dr: Do you have syphilis?

Mel: I'd like to think so. I screwed some pretty skanky trannies in Thailand.

Dr: You mean Detroit?

Mel: Yeah, Detroit. That's it.

Dr: Is it true you once tried to sex up a cabbage?

Mel: No. A Cabbage Patch doll.

Dr: That's hurting.

Mel: What? I signed those stupid adoption papers. It was mine. I can do that if it's mine.

Dr: I hope you don't have any pets.

Mel: Not live ones. Not anymore...

Dr: Mel, is it true that your entire career has been a series of phenomenal success followed by social faux pas and misery?

Mel: I... I like my mittens.

Dr: Let's cut right to the chase. No pun intended. Why, if you were drinking, did you even get behind the wheel of a car and go for a drive? Can't you just get drunk and hate ethnic groups without endangering lives by drinking and driving?

Mel: I could. But why? What would be the point? You know, I could bake a loaf of bread, take a dump on it and hire a male prostitute to eat it while I played the violin, but would that make me Charlie Chan?

Dr: You're drunk again, aren't you?

Mel: Yeah... but listen. It doesn't mean that I don't mean what I'm trying so hard not to say! You went kinda nuts in '76 and we all just smiled and figured it was the coke and the hookers, but we all forgave you.

Dr: I was two years old.

Mel: Yeah, and you're all grown up now. And ten times as sexy. Shame on you and your self righteous search for the truth. You think life is as simple as beating up on a guy when he's drunk and hating Jews, but life comes in three flavors, my friend. Chocolate, Strawberry and Vanilla. Just because no one wants to eat the vanilla doesn't mean I can't tell a bean from a brink, ya froogmanger!

Dr: You mixed the booze with pills, didn't you?

Mel: It was baby aspirin. St. Joseph's baby aspirin and Flintstone vitamins, you cockring!

Dr: I'm looking for a graceful way of getting out of this interview without you trying to kill me.

Mel: It's not possible. Just say bye and wait for the cold cold steel of my knife, asshole.

At this point, Dr. Robert J. Murk signed off, moved to another state and watched Braveheart for the last time. There are some who say he cried at the end.

So long, Mel. Thanks for ruining the one movie that made me feel like death might bring about redemption...

Murk.

Mel Gibson blames alcoholism for his Anti-Semitism

So, as the details of Mr. Gibson's behavior during his DUI arrest become public, his publicist has released this statement on his behalf:

"After drinking alcohol on Thursday night, I did a number of things that were very wrong and for which I am ashamed. I drove a car when I should not have, and was stopped by the L.A. County sheriff's. The arresting officer was just doing his job and I feel fortunate that I was apprehended before I caused injury to any other person.

"I acted like a person completely out of control when I was arrested, and said things that I do not believe to be true and which are despicable. I am deeply ashamed of everything I said.

"Also, I take this opportunity to apologize to the deputies involved for my belligerent behavior. They have always been there for me in my community and indeed probably saved me from myself. I disgraced myself and my family with my behavior and for that I am truly sorry.

"I have battled the disease of alcoholism for all of my adult life and profoundly regret my horrific relapse. I apologize for any behavior unbecoming of me in my inebriated state and have already taken necessary steps to ensure my return to health."

Comment:

What a load of shit. Please. Alcohol does not turn you into a raving anti-semite. Alcohol loosens your lips and you say things you shoudn't say. If you are a racist or a bigot, you'll say things you can normally keep to yourself. But the alcohol doesn't make you a racist or a bigot. Nice try. Another thing, nice attempt by your publicist to try to make you seem like the victim here. If you are an alcoholic, go to a meeting; don't get into a car and go monkey-shit crazy on the LASD deputy who has to pull you off the road.

Assbag.

Mel Gibson DUI Police Report

Yesterday I had a little bit of fun with the Mel Gibson DUI arrest. I imagined that someone as powerful and famous as Mel Gibson would have to be acting pretty extreme to actually be arrested. I am sure that on a daily basis throughout our great land that the rich, powerful, and famous are given a wink and a nod for illegal behavior - if they are able to treat the officer with a modicum of polite behavior. I know I've been given a "warning" instead of a ticket just because I was honest, respectful, and contrite when talking to the officer. And hell, I'm not even a D-List internet celebrity.

So it was with no surprise that I read about the actual Los Angeles County Sherrif Department's (LASD) police report. You can read the full story here and you can try to read the mangled scanned version of the actual original police report here.

I'll wait while you read the story.

OK, great to have you back. Good read? I think Mel Gibson owes Deputy Mee an apology. I'd also like to say that the Sergeant, Lieutenant, and Captain who forced Deputy Mee to censor his original report need to grow a pair and wear the badge like it means something more than kowtowing to a movie star.

I certainly hope that all of the information provided by Deputy Mee, the DUI, the attempt to flee from custody, and the out of control verbal and physical behavior is presented to the Los Angeles County District Attorneys Office.

Too much Communion Wine for Mel Gibson

Mel Gibson was arrested for Driving Under the Influence (DUI) at around 2:30 this morning on the Pacific Coast Highway in California. He was cited and released on a $5,000.00 bail. When the California Highway Patrol (CHP) officer approached his car, he noticed it was the famous actor and turned his radio on to capture the conversation. News outlets have acquired a tape and released a transcript. A portion is provided here to WoW readers as a public service.

CHP Officer Juan Hernandez-Cortez (JHC): Good morning Sir, would you please take off you sun glasses, roll down the window, and take your keys out of the ignition?

Mel Gibson (MG): *unintelligible through glass window*

JHC: Sir, please cut the engine and roll down your window.

MG: (screaming) If I turn the car off I can't roll down the window! (laughing) It's electric! (laughs)

JHC: Sir, please stop dancing in your seat, roll down the window, and shut your engine off.

MG: Are you Ponch or John!? (laughs) I love that show! I'm going to make a movie like that!

JHC: Sir, please step out of the car.

MG: Ohhhh boy boy boy boy ohhh, here we gooooo!!! (monkey noises)

JHC: Sir, sir...Mr. Gibson, sir...OK, ...OK,....please stand up; you cannot lay down in the street. Please stand up and walk with me off to the shoulder.

MG: *unintelligible Aramaic*

JHC: Sir, I'm going to need you to speak to me in English, not in Aramaic.

MG: Man, I need to take a piss. Can I take a piss? I have GOT to piss so bad right now.

JHC: Sir, you cannot urinate in public - Sir, SIR! No!

MG: (urinating) Oooooooooohhhhhhhhhh yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh. Whew! This feels so goood! I am so glad you had me pull over and take a piss. Oh my God. Man, it just keeps coming. Oh yeah. Whew.

JHC: Sir, please place your penis back in your pants and walk to the front of my patrol car.

MG: (screaming monkey noises)

JHC: Do you know why I pulled you over?

MG: To sign an autograph?

JHC: Becau..

MG: To watch me piss? You wanted to see me piss? (monkey noises)

JHC: OK sir, I'm going to have to ask you to come with me.

A plug

I cam across this really funny site: http://www.totse.com/
Ways to hack, steal, torture cats, whatever your into. It has ways to make bombs, dispose of bodies, ect. For educational purposes. Some of the stuff there is incredibly funny. Most of stuff is illegal though. Still worth a read.

Trump trumps all other Monsters. End of story.

I love this loud, green,
purple horned
star tattooed
mother fucker.

Bazoo, The Soul Eater

This is the sweetest card art ever made. How can something as lame as yugioh spawn such a beautiful creture? Let's see why this thing kicks so much ass.


He's Fat. And I mean really fat. You know why he's fat? He eats SOULS!!!!!!!! He's eating one right now. And he has such a shiny, purple coat. And he has horns and gold hair. He's like a King of Baboons. And how does he get this souls you might ask? He rips them out from your kneecap. The more he eats, the more powerful he comes. Soon Bazoo will rule the world.................

Place your bets! Place your bets!

Do you think THIS will be deleted? I think so.

Why? Because Wikipedia is not ON BALLS.

Welcome to WoW.

Join me please in welcoming . .

KERNSIE!

I am Malach and I kissed a girl.

Malach's Top Ten Fictional Villains

Malach is at work and bored.
And when he is bored he thinks of stupid stuff like: What are my top ten favorite fictional characters of all time? Wow, that would make a good blog! But how do I make it more concise? Let see we could seperate them in to catagories . .

So here you go, Malach top ten favorite fictional villains of all time (in no particular order)

Him
The Powerpuff Girls have interesting villians. I considered putting Mojo Jojo on this list. But Him, beat him out. Beyond crossdressing, androgyneous, lucifer on acid, how does one describe Him? He is a mysterious, supremely powerful, effeminate devil like creature. He is perhaps the most powerful of the PPG's foes. He can control dreams, your psyche. He causes catastrophes. He is alwasy trying to break human kind mentally. He can change his shape to many a apocalyptic monsterous form. He is wicked, nasty, mean tempered, and a bit insane.

The Monarch
He is (at least in his mind) the primary antogonist of Dr. Venture in the show, The Venture Bros. He models himself after a Monarch Butterfly, and has a hot girlfriend, with a manly voice (Dr. Girlfriend). He is vain and portrays and insane bravado as he overestimates his own powers and hides his incompetence. He has had the opportunity on numerous occasions to significantly harm Dr. Venture, but when faced with the prospect of actually suceeding at one of his goals, he loses interest, preferring to live out an unending hero/villain fantasy than actually be victorious. His unquenchable fury at Venture has never been fully explained. He just get more angry and fixated on Venture as Venture is oblivious to him and percieves him as a minor nuisance.

His entire campaign vs. Venture is based upon buttflies. He rides around with his henchman in a giant floating cocoon, and his weaponry is modeled after the physical traits of a butterfly (some erroneously: case in point his wrist stingers). He remains in the dark about actual bilogy and physicality of butterflies believing them to be dangerous and poisonous creatures.

Darth Vader
Vader in fuggin' cool, even with the crap Lucas put him through in episodes 1 - 3 (NOOOOOOOOOOO!) . I remember being 6 years old and seeing Star Wars, the first time at the Theater in 1978. Vader walks in, the most breathtaking, evil, dark, scary, power, thing I have even seen. And the breathing. Man, he rocked. You wanted to hate him. He had all these cool powers, and the lightsaber . . He was mean, a war criminal, a mass murderer, a torturer, you weren't sure what he was. Man, alien Robot . . . and the plot twist in Empire.

Vader is arguable the number one villain of all time.

Saruman
Tolkein had villains of all kinds. Smaug, Sauron, Gollum, The RingWraith, Wormtongue. But of them all, I liked Saruman the best. Saruman is Judas, the betrayer. Not only a betrayer of good, but a betrayer of evil. He works with Sauron, to betray Sauron. He thinks of nothing but the power (in which he was always powerful). He is the foil to the goodness and patience of Gandalf. Those who have only seen the movie, might not have a complete understanding of who Saruman (and for that matter Gandalf) is. He is not man, nor elf, he is Istari, immortal, powerful almost god-like.

Saruman was always insterested in deep knowledge, and magic of power, hence his interest in the rings of power and palantiri. Beyond his range of normal Istari power, he had the power of the voice . . he could use his speech to convince people to do things, and say them under his power. He was also very knowledgable in machinery, chemistry, and cross breeding of different beings.

Unfortunately the film did not depcit Saruman's scourging of the Shire, where one could see his ture evil and insanity.

The Joker
Can't sleep clowns will eat me. The Joker, could perhaps knock Vader off the top spot. What's scarier, that a homicidal, sadistic, psycopathic, deformed clown with aspirations of causing as much pain and death and kills with fatal hilarity? Unlike many comic books villains, the Joker is gritty, psychological, and not afraid to go after his enemies where it hurts most? I mean how many Robins has he killed? For someone with super powers (most of the time), he is the perfect nemesis for Batman, who with the amount of personal pain he has caused Batman, I am surprised hasn't killed him.

Cartman
Cartman is the asshole we all want to be. He is a obese, foul mouthed, racist, homophobic, anit-semetic 9 year old. He has a bigoted cunningness and manipulation, that no 9 year old should have. Generally speaking, he has exhibited at one time or another every negative trait that can be found in a human being, or expressed a desire to do so. Interestingly enough, Cartman does not seem to consider himself a bad person, but rather a superior human being.

Cartman is continually spoiled by his mom, and expects the same treatment with just about everyone he deals with. Cartman is also shown to have several mental illess, weird compulsion and sexuality indentity crisis. And he's funny.

Gaston
Ahh Gaston, my Favorite Disney Villian. What I like about Gaston is he is differnt from most Disney Villians. This can be best summed up in his them song.
LeFou:Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston
Looking so down in the dumps
Ev'ry guy here'd love to be you, Gaston
Even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're ev'ryone's favorite guy
Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why
No one's slick as Gaston
No one's quick as Gaston
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's
For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon!
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on
Lefou and Chorus:No one's been like Gaston
A king pin like Gaston
LeFou:No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston
Gaston:As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!
Lefou and Chorus:My what a guy, that Gaston!
Give five "hurrahs!"Give twelve "hip-hips!"
LeFou:Gaston is the bestAnd the rest is all drips
Chorus:No one fights like Gaston
Douses lights like Gaston
LeFou:In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston!
Bimbettes:For there's no one as burly and brawny
Gaston:As you see I've got biceps to spare
LeFou:Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny
Gaston:That's right!
And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair
Chorus:No one hits like Gaston
Matches wits like Gaston
LeFou:In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston
Gaston:I'm espcially good at expectorating!
Ptoooie!
Chorus:Ten points for Gaston!
Gaston:When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs
Ev'ry morning to help me get large
And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs
So I'm roughly the size of a barge!
Chorus:Oh, ahhh, wow!
My what a guy, that Gaston!
No one shoots like Gaston
Makes those beauts like Gaston
LeFou:Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston
Gaston:I use antlers in all of my decorating!
Chorus:My what a guy,
Gaston!

I love the delusion!

HAL - 9000

Ahh, what more fun that being trapped on a ship to Mars with a sentient, artificially intelligent super computer that experiences emotions, and is paranoid to the point it wants to kill you?

"David, what are you doing David?"

Kill your computers now! Hal is speaking to them.

Freddy Krueger
Horror movies have spawned some memorable villains. Leatherface, Micheal Myers, Jason Vorhees. All really cool. But Freddy . . . Freddy's got them all beat. You see, the rest, they were limted to who the could kill, by who came the them. Not Freddy. He only needed you to fall asleep, and kill you in your dreams (DON'T FALL ASLEEP!).

He is ugly, his faced burned up in undeath as he died. He also has perhaps one of the most menacing weapons . . . his clawed glove. One, two Freddy's coming for you . . .


Darkseid
Nothing like a all poweful god/alien to take on Superman. And how fuggin' scary is Omega Beam? Darkseid can basically be described as evil incarnate. Darkseid is not merely content to control but to dominate those individuals under him into totally obedient and morally corrupt caricatures of individuals. Darkseid always maintains cool control, and he has a strange sense of personal honor.

Basically Darkseid wants to wipe out free will and recreate the Universe in an image he sees fit. How cool is that.

All Heil Darkseid!

Is there any connection here? Leave it in the comments.

I am Malach am I a villain?

A couple of really fucked up emails.

OK, these emails just came into my Inbox from a classified source. Enjoy:

From: NAME AND ADDRESS REMOVED
Sent: Thursday, July 27, 2006 10:04 AM
To: Captain Flak Paperpants
Subject: BIG Date

Sometimes after my first BIG COFFEE and can of duster in the morning, I like to wrap myself up in a false blanket of personal grandeur and think of myself as a true ladies man. It’s just a way of keeping on my toes in case some woman is actually thinking about bedding down with me for the night. So, how does the Dr. J prepare for a big date? First things first; I am very superstitious, so I must have a hearty breakfast of BIG COFFEE and Ka-Boom brand cereal. Then I take a shit, for lack of being able to hold in all the caffeine and fiber. I will wipe my mud butt and then instinctively smell all my fingers just to make sure I didn’t drag one of my fingernails through my shit-stained ass while wiping. I will only wash my hands afterward if did indeed cake the underside of my nail with dookie, or if I get the feeling someone I encounter today will ask to smell my hands for some reason. I’m so nervous for this date tonight I will decide to skip work and hide in some stranger’s crawl space. I will remain there until 5:00 when I hear the Schotz Brewery whistle blow. I then get in my car and head home, while driving 80+ mph, listening to Paul Anka, and rubbing the exterior of my prostate gland. Just for good measure, I’ll smell my finger again, as you can never be too sure if the dude at the toll booth will ask to smell my hand. What’s with these fucking weirdos? Smell your own hand bitches, that’s why the animal gods gave you 2 of them. After getting home, I will apply Lectric Shave to my entire body and commence with the hair removal. Everything goes, except the tuft of hair above my man-meat, in the shape of a Scottish Claymore. By this point I’m so infatuated and aroused with the look of my smooth, glistening body I end up masturbating over and over again until I pass out and don’t wake up until the next morning. I must admit, I really haven’t had a date in 3 years, but I was embarrassed you would think I’m a putz and unable to get laid. Want to smell my finger?

From: NAME AND ADDRESS REMOVED
Sent: Thursday, July 27, 2006 9:48 AM
To: Captain Flak Paperpants
Subject: BIG time.
Importance: High

I do have an incredibly busy day ahead me; nevertheless I must recess from my work load to tell you about something that has been bothering me for a long time. I’ll cut right to the chase. You are guilty of it, as well as every other soul I seem to meet in this world. I’m talking about everyone’s unwarranted criticism of………………BIG COFFEE. Everyone should know by now I have an open, giving relationship with my BIG COFFEE. However, what most are ignorant to is I also have several meaningful friendships with BIG COFFEES belonging to other folks. Of course, I am somewhat partial to my BIG COFFEE, but I will oftentimes go out of my way when I see someone holding a BIG COFFEE I’ve never seen downtown before to say, “Hey BIG COFFEE, welcome to Naptown. Haven’t we met before; possibly at the Mitch Daniels roasting a few years ago?” I keep this upbeat relationship with other BIG COFFEES even if I’m not so fond of the person holding said, BIG COFFEE (usually because they are not the same color as I and personally don’t believe other races are responsible enough to care for a BIG COFFEE, given their track records at raising their own kids). Personal differences with BIG COFFEE handlers aside, I just have to set the record straight about not only my BIG COFFEE but the BIG COFFEES of others as well.

What BIG COFFEE is not: a way to gain acceptance from your parents for being a rump wrangler. the answer to David Hasselhoff’s prayers. a small coffee (and never will be, no matter how much you belittle it). the worthy scapegoat of all that crappy stuff going on over there in Iroc (I still can’t believe they named a country after my dream car) with them there crazy sand people (but it is capable of depressing the ‘launch’ button on a surface-to-air nuclear device).

What BIG COFFEE is: the perfect compliment to a bagel smeared with Nutella. something to keep my left hand warm in the winter with the snow coming down, while my right hand is jerking me off to the beat of Phil Collins’ Against All Odds. something you should ever look at the wrong way because it will instinctively launch itself out of my hand and explode all over your face. the holder of fabulous jewels and treasures long-thought forgotten.

The time has come to set the record straight before I die of Scoliosis.

Will the Big Dig Tunnel Curse be reversed? I DOUBT IT.

The Massachusetts Turnpike Authority chairman, under fire since 12 tons of falling ceiling panels killed a motorist in a Big Dig highway tunnel, agreed Thursday to resign after weeks of pressure from the governor.

Matthew Amorello's resignation will be effective August 15, but he will continue to receive his $223,000 annual salary through February 15.

Amorello was quoted as saying "fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, YOU'RE COOL, fuck you, I'M OUT!"

A Quick Do It Yourself Project

I recently redid my bathroom. I figured some of you aspiring home improvers would like a little tutorial on fixing up a bathroom, so here it is:

First, remove unnecessary crap like the ugly sink and scrape some crap off the wall and fix some of the wall with that stuff.




















Then, throw a garbage bag on the pipes and paint the wall.
















Next, put in a new sink. This will replace the old sh*tty sink you took out. Put up a towel rack and one of those things that go ever the plug. Put in some baseboards too.

















Last, hang a mirror and put some more crap in, like a rug and some table from Pier One that someone gave you. Put some crap on that too.

















VOILA!!!

See how easy it is to do the work yourself? And I saved like $50,000 by doing it all by myself and with no help from Mrs. Dr. Murk, who's only comment was "Well, there's a bunch of drips on that part of the baseboard."

Nice. Nice honey. Real f*cking nice...

New WoW Theme Song

Dancing In The Show Tonight - Ween
Let see who long before this one drives Dr. Murks nuts.

I am Malach and I am dancing in the show tonight.

Malach's Crap

Jesus H. Man, talk about a headache!

Cap'n Crap

Billy Connolly is laughing at you.

...and you can't do a
fucking thing about it.

HAHAHAHA! Stapled tie + wake up!!! That's a good one.
(IDK what happened to this post, but there was no image nor HTML in the post)

This just in from C.O.N.D.I.

"Oh, lordy, lordy, it is so hot in here!"

Pokia? I hardly knowiya.
HOORAY!

The day has finally come! My Pokia has arrived.

You... you... don't have a Pokia? Wow.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Ok, here is my Pokia attached to my LG F7200 GSM Cingular Mobile Communications Unit.















This is me using my new Pokia and acting very serious: (actually, I was pretending to call The President.)















This is my desktop image on the phone itself: (which, by the way, has a classic old phone bell ringer sound as the ringtone.)









You need to be ON BALLS.

Seriously.

Get with the program.

This made me smile.





Listen to this.

I LOVE IT!

"It was to a point, where I actually had an appendix rupture because of telemarketing calls."





HEY! MALICKMYBALLS!
I bet you'll like this.

HELL YEAH!

Fini?

OW!

My Klingon Forehead is achy. I hope the Captain will massage my lumps for me! The Captain makes me HOT

The Week At WoW

Your Reference for eveything WoW.

DATE
7/26/06
DAMN IT!
Nothing Personal

7/25/06
If you want to read some sociology
You People Thin You're So Smart?
Got Donk?
Product Pimping
Dear Dr. Murk,
Ryan Jones
Spacewalks for sale! Spacewalks for sale! Get yer spacewalks here!

7/24/06
Another poem about our Fearless Leaders,
Not Even a Memory?
OMFG, I h8te IM chats, and TXTing.
July 2006 Wake Up Call
Sabotage!!!

7/23/06
Comic-Con 2006

7/21/06
paris in summer
Hey, would you deliver these bombs for US?
Here's the Deal...
Happy Groping...

7/20/06
The theme song to Armageddon.
Today is a sad day for The Captain.
Children's entertainment frightens me as well...
And I think to myslef . . .
RESCUE MISSION!

7/19/06
tropical paradise
The line has been drawn and now the challenge is issued!
Immigration in this country is broken
Couple of Hump Day Jokes!!!

7/18/06
And so, my children...
CNN.com could be a lot more fun if I was in control.
How Hot Is It?
GOOD GOD, A KLINGON!
The State of the Nation today is…
The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
Junk Brothers on HGTV (the review)

7/17/06
All for the Money.
A WikiWTF?
A Favor to ask of my fellow WoWers
You are all green with envy part II
So...
The Evil Media Landscape that is Kids Daytime Television.

7/16/06
Another classic CNN.com moment
You are all green with Envy . .

7/15/06
I give you the soundtrack of WoW

7/14/06
CONTEST!
Like I always say...
I've got one too!
A poem for our fearless leaders
Plugs Galore.
Feedburner anyone?
SpaceFarmer's New Action Blog by Dr. Murk, Grade 3 (a review)
Camp Hyrule is coming
It's a Freaking Horse!
Comparing weird search hit phrases

7/13/06
Need a little ACTION? Well, look no further.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
For Shits & Giggles
I thought of you, my brothers and sisters

I am Malach, there will be a quiz at 4PM

DAMN IT!

THIS SUCKS!

Nothing Personal

Just before I get started with my jokes for the Hump Day. I want to take a moment and say this is nothing personal men and to the women ...enjoy please. ~smooches~

~*~*~*~*~

If men got pregnant.... abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows.

Why do men name their penises?

Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.

Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?

He had it bronzed.

Why do men like masturbation?

Its sex with someone they love.

What is gross stupidity?

144 men in one room.

Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.

Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?

What's the difference between a porcupine and a Corvette?

The porcupine has pricks on the outside.

How many men does it take to pop popcorn?

Three. One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.

What is a man's view of safe sex?

A padded headboard.

How do men sort their laundry?

"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".

Why did God create man?

Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Why were men given larger brains than dogs?

A. So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.

B. So they wouldn't stop to play with every other man they see when you take them around the block.

What is the thinnest book in the world?

"What men know about women."

How many men does it take to screw a light bulb?

A. One - men will screw anything.

B. One - men will screw up anything.

C. Five - one to actually do the screwing, four to listen to him brag about it.

How does a man take a bubble bath?

He eats beans for dinner.

What is a man's idea of foreplay?

A half hour of begging.

How can you tell if a man is aroused?

He's breathing.

What do men and beer have in common?

They're both empty from the neck up.

What is the difference between a man and E.T.?

E.T. phoned home.

If you want to read some sociology

Okay If you really want to find out how things work in other countries then find a time to read Freedom of Expression in El Salvador: The Strugle for Human Rights and Democracy, I like to read other type of literature but once in a while I like to go back to my dirt.

You People Thin You're So Smart?

Well, my former arch nemesis Dr. Mantodea has a cure for that. Your stupid and it's all your fault. Rather than repost it here, I figured this article deserved it due and it's on Hill TV. Read at your own risk, sissies!

Got Donk?

I doubt it.

Product Pimping

There are shows, bands, movies, and other hobbies within each generation that defines that generation as a whole. While I may disagree that Nirvana was one of them, there is a showout on DVD that transcends, nay, destroys all boundaries of