Why I Love Home Movies

Or, Spacefarmer in the board room . . .



I am Malach and please tell your people to stop shooting.

What do you think about this?

Crime rates in DC has gone out of hand and lots of the victims and perpetrators are teens, so look DC answer to this, they have created a Teen Curfew so, this is turning into controversy.

Time is not on my side . .

Another celebrity time has not been kind to.



Bridgitte Bardot. But at least she is like 30 years older than Metallica






I am Malach, and I assure you the Angry Piper would do her.

WoW CONTEST: Ask Richard Dreyfuss!

Ok, so tomorrow Richard Dreyfuss is coming to my office and I will get the chance to meet and spend some time with him. During that time, I plan on talking to him about Close Encounters, Jaws, What About Bob and more.

Here's what's in it for you:

If you could ask Richard Dreyfuss anything... and I do mean ANYTHING... what would you ask him?

If I like your question (and I have no ground rules or expectations) not only I will ask him and get you the answer, but I will tell him that YOU asked me to ask HIM. So, on some roundabout once-removed sort of way, you'll meet him too. Well, kind of. Not really. You get the idea though.

Are you in?

If so, post your question(s) in the comments section!

Eleven Lessons I learned from Robert S. McNamara

1. Empathize with your enemy.
2. Rationality will not save us.
3. There's something beyond one's self.
4. Maximize efficiency.
5. Proportionality should be a guideline in war.
6. Get the data.
7. Belief and seeing are both often wrong.
8. Be prepared to reexamine your reasoning.
9. In order to do good, you may have to engage in evil.
10. Never say never.
11. You can't change human nature.

The Haiku Challenge

I dare all of you;
In Haiku contest of wits.
Captain is unarmed.

Monday Morning

Looks like this guy got a little 'Tooserious' last night!


















Number of falls: 5
Number of unintelligible sentences: 34
Number of people freaked out: 4
Number of wife grabbings: 1
Number of creepy massages given to Murk: 1
Number of people quite like Mr. Tooserious: ZERO

What happens when good community theater goes REALLY bad?

Are you ready to find out?
Then just click here.
Or here.
Enjoy!

Some Random Shiite

Holy Crap.
Did Metallica get elderly overnight or what? Check out the pic. Jesus almighty. Man these guys don't look good at all. I mean the Stones look better than them. And WTF is up with Lars Ulrich's hair?

Speaking of Metal and Metallica.
[adult swim] is debuting a new show called Death Clock Metalocalypse, Brendon Smalls new show (Home Movies Fame). [as] has been ultra secretive (nothing on their website) about it, and the best info I have found is a Wikipedia article, and a MySpace. The little I have seen it looks freakin' hilarious, and if Home Movies was any indication it will be. Check out the YouTube trailer which is also nuts and made me pee my pants.

It premiers this Sunday at 11:45PM. I can't wait. They preview I saw yesturday is the concert footage from "Do You Like Coffee", and they pour scalding coffee over the crowd, melting their flesh.

I am Malach . . . DO YOU LIKE COFFEE!!!!

A Request to be Disintegrated

I have absolutely no interest in this blog and don't know why I'm a member.

I also appear to have no rights to remove myself, so I must ask if you can remove me.

Thanks so much!

Uhm Interesting

Have you ever red Ezekiel 1:00 the entire chapter? interesting about his description of what he saw, sounds to me like he is describing a spaceship or a plane cool, very cool!

How drunk was I on Friday night?

Well, when I woke up the next morning,

I found this on the whiteboard in my kitchen.
(click on the image to see details)

An Interview With a Vampire... no... Mel Gibson

Interview conducted by Dr. Robert J. Murk via Skype Chat feature:

Dr: Mel Gibson. How are you doing tonight? As opposed to last night?

Mel: Actually, it was morning. I was drunk, in jail and embarrassed. Tonight I'm sober, in deep shit and embarrassed. Looks like I was better off before. At least I was drunk.

Dr: You're Australian by birth.

Mel: Right.

Dr: Can we really be expected to hold being drunk against you seeing as how you're Australian by birth?

Mel: Nope. It's not my fault.

Dr; Were you so drunk you thought you were Austrian and not Australian?

Mel: Look, I only hate the Jews when I'm drunk or awake. Let's move on.

Dr: When was the last time you slept?

Mel: During the advanced screening of Lethal Weapon 3.

Dr: What about during The Man Without a Face?

Mel: I... got kicked out.

Dr: Why?

Mel: I kicked a baby on the way in.

Dr: Were you drunk?

Mel: I'm always drunk. And I was dressed as William Wallace.

Dr: But... Braveheart wasn't even written then.

Mel: Yeah, your a smart guy eh?

Dr: I am.

Mel: I wrote your life.

Dr: You're crazy.

Mel: And I play with doo doo for fun.

Dr: I am upset. I loved Braveheart. I loved you.

Mel: Three times in one night, if I remember right.

Dr: But this is too much. What has happened to you?

Mel: Jesus got a hold of me. He's still mad at the Jews and he makes me drink all day long.

Dr: This is pretty inflammatory.

Mel: My doctor said to take the antibiotics and the swelling would go away. He lied.

Dr: Do you have syphilis?

Mel: I'd like to think so. I screwed some pretty skanky trannies in Thailand.

Dr: You mean Detroit?

Mel: Yeah, Detroit. That's it.

Dr: Is it true you once tried to sex up a cabbage?

Mel: No. A Cabbage Patch doll.

Dr: That's hurting.

Mel: What? I signed those stupid adoption papers. It was mine. I can do that if it's mine.

Dr: I hope you don't have any pets.

Mel: Not live ones. Not anymore...

Dr: Mel, is it true that your entire career has been a series of phenomenal success followed by social faux pas and misery?

Mel: I... I like my mittens.

Dr: Let's cut right to the chase. No pun intended. Why, if you were drinking, did you even get behind the wheel of a car and go for a drive? Can't you just get drunk and hate ethnic groups without endangering lives by drinking and driving?

Mel: I could. But why? What would be the point? You know, I could bake a loaf of bread, take a dump on it and hire a male prostitute to eat it while I played the violin, but would that make me Charlie Chan?

Dr: You're drunk again, aren't you?

Mel: Yeah... but listen. It doesn't mean that I don't mean what I'm trying so hard not to say! You went kinda nuts in '76 and we all just smiled and figured it was the coke and the hookers, but we all forgave you.

Dr: I was two years old.

Mel: Yeah, and you're all grown up now. And ten times as sexy. Shame on you and your self righteous search for the truth. You think life is as simple as beating up on a guy when he's drunk and hating Jews, but life comes in three flavors, my friend. Chocolate, Strawberry and Vanilla. Just because no one wants to eat the vanilla doesn't mean I can't tell a bean from a brink, ya froogmanger!

Dr: You mixed the booze with pills, didn't you?

Mel: It was baby aspirin. St. Joseph's baby aspirin and Flintstone vitamins, you cockring!

Dr: I'm looking for a graceful way of getting out of this interview without you trying to kill me.

Mel: It's not possible. Just say bye and wait for the cold cold steel of my knife, asshole.

At this point, Dr. Robert J. Murk signed off, moved to another state and watched Braveheart for the last time. There are some who say he cried at the end.

So long, Mel. Thanks for ruining the one movie that made me feel like death might bring about redemption...

Murk.

Mel Gibson blames alcoholism for his Anti-Semitism

So, as the details of Mr. Gibson's behavior during his DUI arrest become public, his publicist has released this statement on his behalf:

"After drinking alcohol on Thursday night, I did a number of things that were very wrong and for which I am ashamed. I drove a car when I should not have, and was stopped by the L.A. County sheriff's. The arresting officer was just doing his job and I feel fortunate that I was apprehended before I caused injury to any other person.

"I acted like a person completely out of control when I was arrested, and said things that I do not believe to be true and which are despicable. I am deeply ashamed of everything I said.

"Also, I take this opportunity to apologize to the deputies involved for my belligerent behavior. They have always been there for me in my community and indeed probably saved me from myself. I disgraced myself and my family with my behavior and for that I am truly sorry.

"I have battled the disease of alcoholism for all of my adult life and profoundly regret my horrific relapse. I apologize for any behavior unbecoming of me in my inebriated state and have already taken necessary steps to ensure my return to health."

Comment:

What a load of shit. Please. Alcohol does not turn you into a raving anti-semite. Alcohol loosens your lips and you say things you shoudn't say. If you are a racist or a bigot, you'll say things you can normally keep to yourself. But the alcohol doesn't make you a racist or a bigot. Nice try. Another thing, nice attempt by your publicist to try to make you seem like the victim here. If you are an alcoholic, go to a meeting; don't get into a car and go monkey-shit crazy on the LASD deputy who has to pull you off the road.

Assbag.

Mel Gibson DUI Police Report

Yesterday I had a little bit of fun with the Mel Gibson DUI arrest. I imagined that someone as powerful and famous as Mel Gibson would have to be acting pretty extreme to actually be arrested. I am sure that on a daily basis throughout our great land that the rich, powerful, and famous are given a wink and a nod for illegal behavior - if they are able to treat the officer with a modicum of polite behavior. I know I've been given a "warning" instead of a ticket just because I was honest, respectful, and contrite when talking to the officer. And hell, I'm not even a D-List internet celebrity.

So it was with no surprise that I read about the actual Los Angeles County Sherrif Department's (LASD) police report. You can read the full story here and you can try to read the mangled scanned version of the actual original police report here.

I'll wait while you read the story.

OK, great to have you back. Good read? I think Mel Gibson owes Deputy Mee an apology. I'd also like to say that the Sergeant, Lieutenant, and Captain who forced Deputy Mee to censor his original report need to grow a pair and wear the badge like it means something more than kowtowing to a movie star.

I certainly hope that all of the information provided by Deputy Mee, the DUI, the attempt to flee from custody, and the out of control verbal and physical behavior is presented to the Los Angeles County District Attorneys Office.

Too much Communion Wine for Mel Gibson

Mel Gibson was arrested for Driving Under the Influence (DUI) at around 2:30 this morning on the Pacific Coast Highway in California. He was cited and released on a $5,000.00 bail. When the California Highway Patrol (CHP) officer approached his car, he noticed it was the famous actor and turned his radio on to capture the conversation. News outlets have acquired a tape and released a transcript. A portion is provided here to WoW readers as a public service.

CHP Officer Juan Hernandez-Cortez (JHC): Good morning Sir, would you please take off you sun glasses, roll down the window, and take your keys out of the ignition?

Mel Gibson (MG): *unintelligible through glass window*

JHC: Sir, please cut the engine and roll down your window.

MG: (screaming) If I turn the car off I can't roll down the window! (laughing) It's electric! (laughs)

JHC: Sir, please stop dancing in your seat, roll down the window, and shut your engine off.

MG: Are you Ponch or John!? (laughs) I love that show! I'm going to make a movie like that!

JHC: Sir, please step out of the car.

MG: Ohhhh boy boy boy boy ohhh, here we gooooo!!! (monkey noises)

JHC: Sir, sir...Mr. Gibson, sir...OK, ...OK,....please stand up; you cannot lay down in the street. Please stand up and walk with me off to the shoulder.

MG: *unintelligible Aramaic*

JHC: Sir, I'm going to need you to speak to me in English, not in Aramaic.

MG: Man, I need to take a piss. Can I take a piss? I have GOT to piss so bad right now.

JHC: Sir, you cannot urinate in public - Sir, SIR! No!

MG: (urinating) Oooooooooohhhhhhhhhh yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh. Whew! This feels so goood! I am so glad you had me pull over and take a piss. Oh my God. Man, it just keeps coming. Oh yeah. Whew.

JHC: Sir, please place your penis back in your pants and walk to the front of my patrol car.

MG: (screaming monkey noises)

JHC: Do you know why I pulled you over?

MG: To sign an autograph?

JHC: Becau..

MG: To watch me piss? You wanted to see me piss? (monkey noises)

JHC: OK sir, I'm going to have to ask you to come with me.

A plug

I cam across this really funny site: http://www.totse.com/
Ways to hack, steal, torture cats, whatever your into. It has ways to make bombs, dispose of bodies, ect. For educational purposes. Some of the stuff there is incredibly funny. Most of stuff is illegal though. Still worth a read.

Trump trumps all other Monsters. End of story.

I love this loud, green,
purple horned
star tattooed
mother fucker.

Bazoo, The Soul Eater

This is the sweetest card art ever made. How can something as lame as yugioh spawn such a beautiful creture? Let's see why this thing kicks so much ass.


He's Fat. And I mean really fat. You know why he's fat? He eats SOULS!!!!!!!! He's eating one right now. And he has such a shiny, purple coat. And he has horns and gold hair. He's like a King of Baboons. And how does he get this souls you might ask? He rips them out from your kneecap. The more he eats, the more powerful he comes. Soon Bazoo will rule the world.................

Place your bets! Place your bets!

Do you think THIS will be deleted? I think so.

Why? Because Wikipedia is not ON BALLS.

Welcome to WoW.

Join me please in welcoming . .

KERNSIE!

I am Malach and I kissed a girl.

Malach's Top Ten Fictional Villains

Malach is at work and bored.
And when he is bored he thinks of stupid stuff like: What are my top ten favorite fictional characters of all time? Wow, that would make a good blog! But how do I make it more concise? Let see we could seperate them in to catagories . .

So here you go, Malach top ten favorite fictional villains of all time (in no particular order)

Him
The Powerpuff Girls have interesting villians. I considered putting Mojo Jojo on this list. But Him, beat him out. Beyond crossdressing, androgyneous, lucifer on acid, how does one describe Him? He is a mysterious, supremely powerful, effeminate devil like creature. He is perhaps the most powerful of the PPG's foes. He can control dreams, your psyche. He causes catastrophes. He is alwasy trying to break human kind mentally. He can change his shape to many a apocalyptic monsterous form. He is wicked, nasty, mean tempered, and a bit insane.

The Monarch
He is (at least in his mind) the primary antogonist of Dr. Venture in the show, The Venture Bros. He models himself after a Monarch Butterfly, and has a hot girlfriend, with a manly voice (Dr. Girlfriend). He is vain and portrays and insane bravado as he overestimates his own powers and hides his incompetence. He has had the opportunity on numerous occasions to significantly harm Dr. Venture, but when faced with the prospect of actually suceeding at one of his goals, he loses interest, preferring to live out an unending hero/villain fantasy than actually be victorious. His unquenchable fury at Venture has never been fully explained. He just get more angry and fixated on Venture as Venture is oblivious to him and percieves him as a minor nuisance.

His entire campaign vs. Venture is based upon buttflies. He rides around with his henchman in a giant floating cocoon, and his weaponry is modeled after the physical traits of a butterfly (some erroneously: case in point his wrist stingers). He remains in the dark about actual bilogy and physicality of butterflies believing them to be dangerous and poisonous creatures.

Darth Vader
Vader in fuggin' cool, even with the crap Lucas put him through in episodes 1 - 3 (NOOOOOOOOOOO!) . I remember being 6 years old and seeing Star Wars, the first time at the Theater in 1978. Vader walks in, the most breathtaking, evil, dark, scary, power, thing I have even seen. And the breathing. Man, he rocked. You wanted to hate him. He had all these cool powers, and the lightsaber . . He was mean, a war criminal, a mass murderer, a torturer, you weren't sure what he was. Man, alien Robot . . . and the plot twist in Empire.

Vader is arguable the number one villain of all time.

Saruman
Tolkein had villains of all kinds. Smaug, Sauron, Gollum, The RingWraith, Wormtongue. But of them all, I liked Saruman the best. Saruman is Judas, the betrayer. Not only a betrayer of good, but a betrayer of evil. He works with Sauron, to betray Sauron. He thinks of nothing but the power (in which he was always powerful). He is the foil to the goodness and patience of Gandalf. Those who have only seen the movie, might not have a complete understanding of who Saruman (and for that matter Gandalf) is. He is not man, nor elf, he is Istari, immortal, powerful almost god-like.

Saruman was always insterested in deep knowledge, and magic of power, hence his interest in the rings of power and palantiri. Beyond his range of normal Istari power, he had the power of the voice . . he could use his speech to convince people to do things, and say them under his power. He was also very knowledgable in machinery, chemistry, and cross breeding of different beings.

Unfortunately the film did not depcit Saruman's scourging of the Shire, where one could see his ture evil and insanity.

The Joker
Can't sleep clowns will eat me. The Joker, could perhaps knock Vader off the top spot. What's scarier, that a homicidal, sadistic, psycopathic, deformed clown with aspirations of causing as much pain and death and kills with fatal hilarity? Unlike many comic books villains, the Joker is gritty, psychological, and not afraid to go after his enemies where it hurts most? I mean how many Robins has he killed? For someone with super powers (most of the time), he is the perfect nemesis for Batman, who with the amount of personal pain he has caused Batman, I am surprised hasn't killed him.

Cartman
Cartman is the asshole we all want to be. He is a obese, foul mouthed, racist, homophobic, anit-semetic 9 year old. He has a bigoted cunningness and manipulation, that no 9 year old should have. Generally speaking, he has exhibited at one time or another every negative trait that can be found in a human being, or expressed a desire to do so. Interestingly enough, Cartman does not seem to consider himself a bad person, but rather a superior human being.

Cartman is continually spoiled by his mom, and expects the same treatment with just about everyone he deals with. Cartman is also shown to have several mental illess, weird compulsion and sexuality indentity crisis. And he's funny.

Gaston
Ahh Gaston, my Favorite Disney Villian. What I like about Gaston is he is differnt from most Disney Villians. This can be best summed up in his them song.
LeFou:Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston
Looking so down in the dumps
Ev'ry guy here'd love to be you, Gaston
Even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're ev'ryone's favorite guy
Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why
No one's slick as Gaston
No one's quick as Gaston
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's
For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon!
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on
Lefou and Chorus:No one's been like Gaston
A king pin like Gaston
LeFou:No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston
Gaston:As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!
Lefou and Chorus:My what a guy, that Gaston!
Give five "hurrahs!"Give twelve "hip-hips!"
LeFou:Gaston is the bestAnd the rest is all drips
Chorus:No one fights like Gaston
Douses lights like Gaston
LeFou:In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston!
Bimbettes:For there's no one as burly and brawny
Gaston:As you see I've got biceps to spare
LeFou:Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny
Gaston:That's right!
And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair
Chorus:No one hits like Gaston
Matches wits like Gaston
LeFou:In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston
Gaston:I'm espcially good at expectorating!
Ptoooie!
Chorus:Ten points for Gaston!
Gaston:When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs
Ev'ry morning to help me get large
And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs
So I'm roughly the size of a barge!
Chorus:Oh, ahhh, wow!
My what a guy, that Gaston!
No one shoots like Gaston
Makes those beauts like Gaston
LeFou:Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston
Gaston:I use antlers in all of my decorating!
Chorus:My what a guy,
Gaston!

I love the delusion!

HAL - 9000

Ahh, what more fun that being trapped on a ship to Mars with a sentient, artificially intelligent super computer that experiences emotions, and is paranoid to the point it wants to kill you?

"David, what are you doing David?"

Kill your computers now! Hal is speaking to them.

Freddy Krueger
Horror movies have spawned some memorable villains. Leatherface, Micheal Myers, Jason Vorhees. All really cool. But Freddy . . . Freddy's got them all beat. You see, the rest, they were limted to who the could kill, by who came the them. Not Freddy. He only needed you to fall asleep, and kill you in your dreams (DON'T FALL ASLEEP!).

He is ugly, his faced burned up in undeath as he died. He also has perhaps one of the most menacing weapons . . . his clawed glove. One, two Freddy's coming for you . . .


Darkseid
Nothing like a all poweful god/alien to take on Superman. And how fuggin' scary is Omega Beam? Darkseid can basically be described as evil incarnate. Darkseid is not merely content to control but to dominate those individuals under him into totally obedient and morally corrupt caricatures of individuals. Darkseid always maintains cool control, and he has a strange sense of personal honor.

Basically Darkseid wants to wipe out free will and recreate the Universe in an image he sees fit. How cool is that.

All Heil Darkseid!

Is there any connection here? Leave it in the comments.

I am Malach am I a villain?

A couple of really fucked up emails.

OK, these emails just came into my Inbox from a classified source. Enjoy:

From: NAME AND ADDRESS REMOVED
Sent: Thursday, July 27, 2006 10:04 AM
To: Captain Flak Paperpants
Subject: BIG Date

Sometimes after my first BIG COFFEE and can of duster in the morning, I like to wrap myself up in a false blanket of personal grandeur and think of myself as a true ladies man. It’s just a way of keeping on my toes in case some woman is actually thinking about bedding down with me for the night. So, how does the Dr. J prepare for a big date? First things first; I am very superstitious, so I must have a hearty breakfast of BIG COFFEE and Ka-Boom brand cereal. Then I take a shit, for lack of being able to hold in all the caffeine and fiber. I will wipe my mud butt and then instinctively smell all my fingers just to make sure I didn’t drag one of my fingernails through my shit-stained ass while wiping. I will only wash my hands afterward if did indeed cake the underside of my nail with dookie, or if I get the feeling someone I encounter today will ask to smell my hands for some reason. I’m so nervous for this date tonight I will decide to skip work and hide in some stranger’s crawl space. I will remain there until 5:00 when I hear the Schotz Brewery whistle blow. I then get in my car and head home, while driving 80+ mph, listening to Paul Anka, and rubbing the exterior of my prostate gland. Just for good measure, I’ll smell my finger again, as you can never be too sure if the dude at the toll booth will ask to smell my hand. What’s with these fucking weirdos? Smell your own hand bitches, that’s why the animal gods gave you 2 of them. After getting home, I will apply Lectric Shave to my entire body and commence with the hair removal. Everything goes, except the tuft of hair above my man-meat, in the shape of a Scottish Claymore. By this point I’m so infatuated and aroused with the look of my smooth, glistening body I end up masturbating over and over again until I pass out and don’t wake up until the next morning. I must admit, I really haven’t had a date in 3 years, but I was embarrassed you would think I’m a putz and unable to get laid. Want to smell my finger?

From: NAME AND ADDRESS REMOVED
Sent: Thursday, July 27, 2006 9:48 AM
To: Captain Flak Paperpants
Subject: BIG time.
Importance: High

I do have an incredibly busy day ahead me; nevertheless I must recess from my work load to tell you about something that has been bothering me for a long time. I’ll cut right to the chase. You are guilty of it, as well as every other soul I seem to meet in this world. I’m talking about everyone’s unwarranted criticism of………………BIG COFFEE. Everyone should know by now I have an open, giving relationship with my BIG COFFEE. However, what most are ignorant to is I also have several meaningful friendships with BIG COFFEES belonging to other folks. Of course, I am somewhat partial to my BIG COFFEE, but I will oftentimes go out of my way when I see someone holding a BIG COFFEE I’ve never seen downtown before to say, “Hey BIG COFFEE, welcome to Naptown. Haven’t we met before; possibly at the Mitch Daniels roasting a few years ago?” I keep this upbeat relationship with other BIG COFFEES even if I’m not so fond of the person holding said, BIG COFFEE (usually because they are not the same color as I and personally don’t believe other races are responsible enough to care for a BIG COFFEE, given their track records at raising their own kids). Personal differences with BIG COFFEE handlers aside, I just have to set the record straight about not only my BIG COFFEE but the BIG COFFEES of others as well.

What BIG COFFEE is not: a way to gain acceptance from your parents for being a rump wrangler. the answer to David Hasselhoff’s prayers. a small coffee (and never will be, no matter how much you belittle it). the worthy scapegoat of all that crappy stuff going on over there in Iroc (I still can’t believe they named a country after my dream car) with them there crazy sand people (but it is capable of depressing the ‘launch’ button on a surface-to-air nuclear device).

What BIG COFFEE is: the perfect compliment to a bagel smeared with Nutella. something to keep my left hand warm in the winter with the snow coming down, while my right hand is jerking me off to the beat of Phil Collins’ Against All Odds. something you should ever look at the wrong way because it will instinctively launch itself out of my hand and explode all over your face. the holder of fabulous jewels and treasures long-thought forgotten.

The time has come to set the record straight before I die of Scoliosis.

Will the Big Dig Tunnel Curse be reversed? I DOUBT IT.

The Massachusetts Turnpike Authority chairman, under fire since 12 tons of falling ceiling panels killed a motorist in a Big Dig highway tunnel, agreed Thursday to resign after weeks of pressure from the governor.

Matthew Amorello's resignation will be effective August 15, but he will continue to receive his $223,000 annual salary through February 15.

Amorello was quoted as saying "fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, YOU'RE COOL, fuck you, I'M OUT!"

A Quick Do It Yourself Project

I recently redid my bathroom. I figured some of you aspiring home improvers would like a little tutorial on fixing up a bathroom, so here it is:

First, remove unnecessary crap like the ugly sink and scrape some crap off the wall and fix some of the wall with that stuff.




















Then, throw a garbage bag on the pipes and paint the wall.
















Next, put in a new sink. This will replace the old sh*tty sink you took out. Put up a towel rack and one of those things that go ever the plug. Put in some baseboards too.

















Last, hang a mirror and put some more crap in, like a rug and some table from Pier One that someone gave you. Put some crap on that too.

















VOILA!!!

See how easy it is to do the work yourself? And I saved like $50,000 by doing it all by myself and with no help from Mrs. Dr. Murk, who's only comment was "Well, there's a bunch of drips on that part of the baseboard."

Nice. Nice honey. Real f*cking nice...

New WoW Theme Song

Dancing In The Show Tonight - Ween
Let see who long before this one drives Dr. Murks nuts.

I am Malach and I am dancing in the show tonight.

Malach's Crap

Jesus H. Man, talk about a headache!

Cap'n Crap

Billy Connolly is laughing at you.

...and you can't do a
fucking thing about it.

HAHAHAHA! Stapled tie + wake up!!! That's a good one.
(IDK what happened to this post, but there was no image nor HTML in the post)

This just in from C.O.N.D.I.

"Oh, lordy, lordy, it is so hot in here!"

Pokia? I hardly knowiya.
HOORAY!

The day has finally come! My Pokia has arrived.

You... you... don't have a Pokia? Wow.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Ok, here is my Pokia attached to my LG F7200 GSM Cingular Mobile Communications Unit.















This is me using my new Pokia and acting very serious: (actually, I was pretending to call The President.)















This is my desktop image on the phone itself: (which, by the way, has a classic old phone bell ringer sound as the ringtone.)









You need to be ON BALLS.

Seriously.

Get with the program.

This made me smile.





Listen to this.

I LOVE IT!

"It was to a point, where I actually had an appendix rupture because of telemarketing calls."





HEY! MALICKMYBALLS!
I bet you'll like this.

HELL YEAH!

Fini?

OW!

My Klingon Forehead is achy. I hope the Captain will massage my lumps for me! The Captain makes me HOT

The Week At WoW

Your Reference for eveything WoW.

DATE
7/26/06
DAMN IT!
Nothing Personal

7/25/06
If you want to read some sociology
You People Thin You're So Smart?
Got Donk?
Product Pimping
Dear Dr. Murk,
Ryan Jones
Spacewalks for sale! Spacewalks for sale! Get yer spacewalks here!

7/24/06
Another poem about our Fearless Leaders,
Not Even a Memory?
OMFG, I h8te IM chats, and TXTing.
July 2006 Wake Up Call
Sabotage!!!

7/23/06
Comic-Con 2006

7/21/06
paris in summer
Hey, would you deliver these bombs for US?
Here's the Deal...
Happy Groping...

7/20/06
The theme song to Armageddon.
Today is a sad day for The Captain.
Children's entertainment frightens me as well...
And I think to myslef . . .
RESCUE MISSION!

7/19/06
tropical paradise
The line has been drawn and now the challenge is issued!
Immigration in this country is broken
Couple of Hump Day Jokes!!!

7/18/06
And so, my children...
CNN.com could be a lot more fun if I was in control.
How Hot Is It?
GOOD GOD, A KLINGON!
The State of the Nation today is…
The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
Junk Brothers on HGTV (the review)

7/17/06
All for the Money.
A WikiWTF?
A Favor to ask of my fellow WoWers
You are all green with envy part II
So...
The Evil Media Landscape that is Kids Daytime Television.

7/16/06
Another classic CNN.com moment
You are all green with Envy . .

7/15/06
I give you the soundtrack of WoW

7/14/06
CONTEST!
Like I always say...
I've got one too!
A poem for our fearless leaders
Plugs Galore.
Feedburner anyone?
SpaceFarmer's New Action Blog by Dr. Murk, Grade 3 (a review)
Camp Hyrule is coming
It's a Freaking Horse!
Comparing weird search hit phrases

7/13/06
Need a little ACTION? Well, look no further.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
For Shits & Giggles
I thought of you, my brothers and sisters

I am Malach, there will be a quiz at 4PM

DAMN IT!

THIS SUCKS!

Nothing Personal

Just before I get started with my jokes for the Hump Day. I want to take a moment and say this is nothing personal men and to the women ...enjoy please. ~smooches~

~*~*~*~*~

If men got pregnant.... abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows.

Why do men name their penises?

Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.

Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?

He had it bronzed.

Why do men like masturbation?

Its sex with someone they love.

What is gross stupidity?

144 men in one room.

Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.

Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?

What's the difference between a porcupine and a Corvette?

The porcupine has pricks on the outside.

How many men does it take to pop popcorn?

Three. One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.

What is a man's view of safe sex?

A padded headboard.

How do men sort their laundry?

"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".

Why did God create man?

Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Why were men given larger brains than dogs?

A. So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.

B. So they wouldn't stop to play with every other man they see when you take them around the block.

What is the thinnest book in the world?

"What men know about women."

How many men does it take to screw a light bulb?

A. One - men will screw anything.

B. One - men will screw up anything.

C. Five - one to actually do the screwing, four to listen to him brag about it.

How does a man take a bubble bath?

He eats beans for dinner.

What is a man's idea of foreplay?

A half hour of begging.

How can you tell if a man is aroused?

He's breathing.

What do men and beer have in common?

They're both empty from the neck up.

What is the difference between a man and E.T.?

E.T. phoned home.

If you want to read some sociology

Okay If you really want to find out how things work in other countries then find a time to read Freedom of Expression in El Salvador: The Strugle for Human Rights and Democracy, I like to read other type of literature but once in a while I like to go back to my dirt.

You People Thin You're So Smart?

Well, my former arch nemesis Dr. Mantodea has a cure for that. Your stupid and it's all your fault. Rather than repost it here, I figured this article deserved it due and it's on Hill TV. Read at your own risk, sissies!

Got Donk?

I doubt it.

Product Pimping

There are shows, bands, movies, and other hobbies within each generation that defines that generation as a whole. While I may disagree that Nirvana was one of them, there is a showout on DVD that transcends, nay, destroys all boundaries of race, sex, and creed. The Boondocks is on sale now at most retailers, and there is really no excuse for any of you not to own it. It's a deliciously ingenious satire on America's modern-day racial tension, and it pulls no punches when talking about either whites or blacks. It's the most non-racist racial comedy around. Go buy it, and do my generation a favor.

Dear Dr. Murk,

I LOVE YOU!

TEE HEE HEE!

Hugz and Kissez,
Cap'n Flak

Ryan Jones

What led to this?
Now that a bit more has come out about this case, I feel I can now comment on it. Read the latest from today's Standard Times. Before I begin, I need to stress a few things. I know Ryan Jones personally. I have had him as a client; his family are friends with my family; he plays on a Special Olympics Unfied Softball Team with me; I have known him for 12 years; I consider him a friend. I am by no means defending the reprehensible actions he is accused of, actions he understands that are wrong. I also don't want to downplay the death of Valerie Oransky, a woman I also knew through business contacts, charity events, and in my previous profession and a job developer for persons with disabilities. Her family has my condolences.

I will be reposting this at two other blogs. The Bristol MA Free Press (a psuedo news blog centered around Bristol County, MA), and The Wand of Wonder (a multi-contributer, free from blog, with 25 or so members of different backgrounds).

Ryan as stated in the article "was a special needs student". While not getting too much into here personal medical diagnosis (or lack there of), Ryan is a person with disabilities; slight cognitive development issues; and some mental illnesses (probably some undiagnosed). Ryan as a person is very quiet, almost painfully quiet, reserved, and lacking good social and communication skills. He is the type of person, that if you asked him how he was doing, he would respond in a quiet monotone "fine", and not expand on it. It takes him a while to warm up to you, and you need to be very direct and to the point talking with him if you want to find out information from him. He was known to have some anger, and possible explosiveness, but in the decade plus I have known him, I only saw it once, and it was easily redirected by myself. He does not do well with criticism, nor does he like to fail. He is a big guy, around 6', maybe 230lbs. Fairly strong (I have play wrestled with him and played football with him) but not overso. In the field, he would be labelled as "Very High Functioning" and is one of the most capable of the person with disabilities I have worked with. Ryan is one of those clients who falls through the cracks of this state's system, as told in a previous article I wrote.

Ryan graduated school as a 18 year old. In this state that can be the kiss of death for person's with disabilities. Becuase of his intelligence level (high boderline) he did not qualify for DMR services. He also was not "mentally ill enough" to qualify from DMH services. Because he gradutated early (or on time), he lost the chance for some services. He spent next few years floating around until he qualified for CBES services. The plus to CBES is that they are long term services as to opposed to regualar MRC job placement services which last about 6 months (but can be reopened). They pay a hourly rates based upon service hours to the program that is award the contract. Quickly, MRC contracts out assesement, job development, placement, and support services to a local program who is exepected to carry out the needed services. As I stated, most of the time those services are temporary, unless it is a CBES client. Luckily Ryan was one, and even more luckily, Ryan came to my former employer, The Opportunity Center/Work Inc, and worked with me, someone he already knew and trusted. He came into those services sometime around 1999 - 2000.

So Ryan came to be my client. His first year with me was spent assessing his skills, and he was eventually placed in a seasonal job at a golf course, which he more than successfully completed. It was during this time period, Work Inc. absorbed The Opportunity Center (OC). What occured that last year of my employment at the OC was a travesty, and Ryan was part of that. Beyond the acutual destroying of the reputation that we had built up by the OC, other things occured. At that time I was servicing 10 - 15 CBES accounts. Doing all the job counseling, development, and billing. I would bill the local MRC office, and the check would come to the OC. The VP at Work Inc who was responsible for "changing the OC to the Work Inc way", came to visit, and met with me and my boss. She wanted to know, refering to the CBES clients, why I was servicing clients for free. It was pointed out the her, that we were getting an hourly rate, and we were billing locally. Of course they were upset they were not getting the billing, but the contract was specifically for the OC and not Work Inc. The next visit was to complain about the hourly rate. You see MRC CBES contracts are front loaded, you get the higher portion of the contract for the beiginning services. Big money comes first, and then it go down to a $25 hourly rate for long term supports services. Work Inc was not happy with that rate, and compared the DMR clients hourly rate of $60 an hour.

These were two different programs, DMR paid you whether or not the client was even in the program $60 an hour, 6 hours a day, 5 days a week, for the entire years. DMR clients also were lower functioning so tended to need longer term and more extensive supports. CBES paid $25 for each hour you spent with the client, minimum of a hour. I was told, that this option was not finacially viable. So imagine this, $25 per hour, from an average of 6 hours per week, for each of 10+ CBES clients. That comes to $1,500 per week. That almost $80,000 a year. Work Inc was at most paying me half (including benefits, mileage, etc.) of that. This does not count the initial payment of $1000's of of dollars per client from vocational training and job develoment. That $40,000 was not worth it? Free money? For at the time a organization that was fincially strapped? Well needless to say, a six months after Malach left Work Inc. for greener pastures, they gradually dropped all the CBES client, including Ryan. Since no one else locally was contracted to do CBES, those clients who could not get other funding, no longer had supports.

So that leaves Ryan, who was now working at Old Country Buffet, with no support. No job coach, no counselor, no ride, no nothing. And here we are 3 years later one person is dead, several lives affected. Ryan is the type of guy to hold his emotions in, he will not actively tell you his problems. He will hold them in until he explodes. Again, if you talk to him and counsel him, this you can get the issues out, this type of behavior can be redirected and you can help solve his problems. He did not have this support any longer. According to his co-workers ha had been talking about killing Ms. Oransky for three weeks. No one informed anyone, or took him seriously? There was no one to inform, he had no support. He might no longer have even been labeled as a person with a disability, there was no longer an association with services. Might the prep cook have told someone who was coming by the work place to support Ryan once a week?

If there were supports, would this have occurred. I cannot say no, but I can tell you this. If Ryan had been saying this for about a month, he might have told me, or another counselor a year ago how unhappy he was. In this field two of the most serious things are suicide ideation and homicide ideation. They will immediatley get the things causing this ideation to stop. I am confident that any decent job counselor would have caught this early, nipped it in the bud, and perhaps Ryan would not have even been working there.

Again, I hate to place the blame on other things . . . Ryan is still responsible for his own actions, but I am very angry, this probably could have been prevented. I am angry that a human service organization (Work Inc.) put money ahead of helping a client. It takes some dying or getting maimed in this state, and the ruining of several lives for the issues to be addressed, and that has become much too common. Ryan will probably end up spending the next few decades at Bridgewater State Hospital. Time will tell. Watch this case, there should be some very interesting things that come out of it.

I am Malach, things need to change.

Spacewalks for sale! Spacewalks for sale! Get yer spacewalks here!

Space tourists offered 'holy grail of spaceflight'

You don't have to be an astronaut anymore to experience walking in space. All you need is $35 million and the willingness to risk your life.

A private Virginia firm that already has sent three super-rich men to the international space station for $20 million each announced Friday it would offer an even rarer adventure: A stroll outside the space station for an extra $15 million.

"It is the holy grail of spaceflight; it's something very few of the astronauts and cosmonauts have done," said Eric Anderson, chief executive of Space Adventures Ltd.

Added former NASA spacewalker Kathy Thornton, who is on the firm's advisory board: "It's just sort of the feeling of freedom, that you are your own satellite."

With the blessing of the Russian space agency, Space Adventures is arranging for the first spacewalking tourist to go into orbit in about a year or so, Anderson said.

The trip would involve a launch in a Soyuz capsule, an eight-day stay aboard the international space station and a 90-minute spacewalk in a Russian spacesuit. An extra month would be added to the six-month cosmonaut training.

Captain Flak Paperpants, a Wand of Wonder contributing blogger, well known space-enthusiast and complete friggin' geekball, was quoted by WoW as saying "JESUS H. FUCKME, someone get me 35 million smackeroons... STAT!"

Another poem about our Fearless Leaders,

Malach is a Mime
Murk is only Nine
Malach is really really Fine
Murk got spanked on his Behind

Malach wields a Baseball Bat
Murk wears a really funny Hat
Malach is the one with the funky Cat
Murk is the one who sleeps on the Mat

Malach uses a big Knife
Murk wishes I was his Wife
Malach is a flying Bird
Murk needs to go make a Turd

~fin~

Not Even a Memory?

This thought is related to the previous posts I have read regarding text messaging cell phones, internet chat and other forms of communicative ephemera, though in the opposite direction. Whereas those topic were about the inanity and lack of value in those forms of communication, I’m writing about that which has value yet is no more likely to last through time.

This is something I noticed a while ago, and thought about while watching some History Channel programs. One of the most valuable tools for later generations to gain insight into what things were truly like back in the time period that they are trying to learn of is nothing less than personal letters.

You see, proclamations, books, great speeches and carved stone tablets are valuable and informative, but they are all, shall I say… less than candid. They are written by people who are at least trying to influence their contemporaries, and at worst they are also spinning their work to provide a certain viewpoint the author wants those in later generations to have of him or her. Granted, even the most heavily spun political speech written by Abe Lincoln was a veritable literary wonder compared to the empty-of-content populist tripe that 99% of modern politicians promulgate.

But it’s the letters written by people alive at the time to each other that really tell you what it was like back in whatever era. From feudal Japan's poets, to Victorian midwives and US Civil War soldiers. And the letters written by famous (or not so famous) literary authors to their friends are worth more to some of us that the actual stories for which they are renowned.

But we are now at a dangerous time in our history. We have stopped writing things down. I don’t mean writing to each other, but actually creating a hardcopy document that captures in a physical medium the thoughts or exchanges between people. E-mails or web posts are not real. They have no physical presence and they can be deleted or worse, altered, by the author or even by completely different people at a later time to manipulate the perception those in the future would have of them. Not to mention they are stored as nothing more than binary bits on magnetic disks, subject to any well timed virus or electromagnetic pulse wiping them out. Even optical storage, though more durable, requires complicated equipment to decode and display, something that can be in issue if there are decades between the time it was stored and the time it will be read. A piece of paper just requires that the person be literate. Even a damaged or partial document is legible, but just a scratch or slight warp on a disk can obliterate everything stored on it.

Because of all that, I propose that we all do something to try and mitigate this potential black hole in history for future generations; print things out.

Now I’m not saying print out your e-mails and weblogs in a massive leather bound volume and sealed in a time capsule that is voided of air and temperature controlled. Hardly any of the historical letters we look at today were stored with any more care than being shoved in a cigar box in someone’s desk drawer.

Even just the act of printing things out, preferably with a date, and storing them in an envelope in a box in the attic is doing something for future historians to get a glance into what we may consider mundane, but to them is a priceless reliquary of our lives.

The only things to keep in mind however is the quality of the hardcopy, both in paper and in the ink used. Much of the cheaper pulp paper and some of the inks used by the dot matrix printers of the 80’s simply don’t last very long even when protected. So it may be best to use decent quality (not exorbitantly priced, mind you) paper for this. I have no idea of the long term potential for perpetuity of your typical HP printer ink/toner.

But it’s worth a small amount of trouble.

And most important, don’t think your not interesting enough for people to care what your thoughts are. The very fact that you aren’t “tainted” by the spectacle of public presence means the opinions you have in many ways carry more weight than those of the loudest voices of our time.

So take a moment and kill some trees. Your great great grandkids will be grateful.

OMFG, I h8te IM chats, and TXTing.

The downfall of Western Civilization.
I hate instant messaging (IM), I hate text messaging. I even hate cellphones, though you need to own one nowadays. Now, I do use instant messaging on occasion via Skype. I don't text message, and I only use the cell phone for emergencies and work (I unless I get called).

Why you ask? Why does the all powerful technically savy Malach the Merciless hate instant communication? Because it is not Instant Communication. It is HOURS of garbage.

I never spend any more that 15 minutes communicating with someone via IM, what's the purpose? I don't spend hours on the phone with people? Why the Hell would I want to spend hours on end IM or text messaging someone.

The typical IM conversation that I have experienced degenrates into crap after about 15 minutes. People looking for excuses to continue their conversation with a faceless person. IM's take away time from the real world, and don't be fooled by the "instant" tag. Want to compare? See how much quicker a phone conversation lasts. You wouldn't discuss half the tripe you discuss over an IM or Text you would on the phone. It ruins your real social life, relationships with real people, and your social skills. How many people do you know are addicted to IM/Texting and now can't hold a real conversation with the people they love? I really don't understand how someone can spend HOURS on end IMing or Texting someone, ignoring the world around them.

Texting is even more rediculous. I have tried responding to texts on my cell phone. FUGGIN" ANNOYING. Typing with my thunbs? Texting can be summed up on a beautiful quote from the show The Boondocks.

Gin Rummy: Man, I don't get that.
Ed Wuncler III: Get what?
Gin Rummy: That textin' shit!
Ed Wuncler: And what's wrong wrong with textin'?
Gin Rummy: You mean aside from the fact that it's the stupidest fucking thing in the world? I mean, why would anyone in their right mind spend fifteen minutes tryin' to type some shit they could've called and said in five seconds? Plus, it involves typing with your thumbs! Which I just don't approve of. Fuck, I don't know about you, but I don't have time to read nothin' that a motherfucker typed with they thumbs. Fun Fact: Nothing typed by someone's thumbs has ever been important. It's all just N*gga Technology anyway.
Ed: What'd you call it?
Gin Rummy: N*gga Technology. Technology for N*ggas. And you don't start trippin' and shit, call me a racist. 'Cause I don't mean N*gga in a disrespectful way, I-I mean it as a general term for ignorant motherfuckers. Anybody of any race can be an ignorant motherfucker.
Ed: Shit, I be textin' my ass off, shit. Bitches like textin'. I be textin' 'em all the time. Matter of fact, I also be textin' my weed man, too, cause, you know, he don't like to be on the phone, so I text 'im!
Gin Rummy: Case in point. So basically, N*gga Technology is anyting that doesn't plug into a printer. Does that plug into a printer?
Ed: No.
Gin Rummy: Know why? 'Cause N*ggas never have anything to print.

Now cell phones. Please display proper use of the cell phone. Cell Phone use is rediculously out of hand. They interupt everything for the most rediculous conversations or text messages. Why in the world does anyone instantly need to know there's a party going on later at night? Or you boyfriend is mad at you? And why does it constantly have to interupt life with a text or a phone call? Annoying is not the word. Don't you just sometime wanna grab the phone and toss it out the window?

A little aside on MySpace.
Evidently there was a problem this weekend at MySpace. Quoth the Tom:

hello everyone - so there was a power outage in LA yesterday. unfortunately it directly hit the data center where myspace's servers are located. lots of people were affected. the backup power failed and that's why myspace has been screwy since yesterday afternoon. we are still working to get everything back in order. i know what most of the problems are, it's just giong to take awhile to fix them. thx for your patience!

So of course Malach's Space in all messed up.

I am Malach, and this shiite is ruining my life!

July 2006 Wake Up Call

Hear that? Listen closely... Hear it?

That's the alarm clock of life buzzing, and you've overslept. Hell, we all have. We've refused to wake up and face what's happening around us.

War
Famine
Global Warming
Rampant Inflation
Ballooning Consumer Debt
Political Unrest
Angst
Suicide
Cloning
Space Exploration
Pollution
Extinction
Religious Intolerance
Agnosticism
Atheism
Athleticism
Nuclear Proliferation
Terrorism
Depression
Panic
700 Calorie Salads
Craig's List
Sufiism
Apartheid
Star Spandangledism
Liberalism
Trophy Wifeism
Paris Hiltonism
Secular Humanism
The Prom
Garbage Day
Bills
Stress
Corporate Barbarism
Commercialism
Main Stream Socialization
Advertising and Marketing
propaganda
and Bullshit.

I watch you people... YOU PEOPLE... blame our government, the president, each other, ME, the war in Iraq, religions and anyone or anything else that will keep you numb and hide where the real blame belongs. YOU!

You are a passive participant in this nonsense and it is not enough to type 'I h8te Bush' into your 4 year old computer, or to take sneaky cheap shots at God from your workstation. You are part of the mess. You need to clean up. Not TALK about cleaning up. Not YELL at other people to clean up. Not WHINE about how somebody else made a mess.

This reminds me of when I was a kid and the dog would sh*t on the rug. There were some people that would just pretend they didn't smell sh*t for hours until someone else cleaned it up. Yes, I was the one cleaning the sh*t.

"Bu... bu..., Doctah Murk! Doctah Murk!" you whine (and just by the tone of your voice I can already tell where you're going), "Wha... uh, well, wha are YOOOOUUU doing then? You don do nuttin but type crap into YOUR stupid computer too! Ha! Ha! I got you! I got you!"

Hmmm. You're so busy trying to analyze what I'm doing that you're forgetting the point. What do you give a sh*t what I'm doing??? You're like that loser on the white water rafting trip that stops paddling because he thinks everyone else is dogging it. Don't you get it that we are going to die in poverty and filth if you don't start actually DOING something about it? If we don't start bailing water now, the ship will sink. "Bu... bu... We're sinking!" you yell. No sh*t, Mycroft.

What really disappoints me is that I know a lot of you, and most of you used to be people of action. You used to DO things. Now... well, let's forget the recent past and make an effort for the future.

So, show me what you can do.

Murk

Sabotage!!!

.....Not that any of you would notice, but The Greater Good mysteriously went down this weekend. WHY, I don't know. I tried to add one thing to the template, but as my home internet connection isn't the hottest, I gave up and moved on, not saving any changes that I did. Log on yesterday, and I get a blank screen! The Illuminati must be pissed at me or something. Anyways, I'm back up, but I've lost all my template edits. Just wanted to let those of you who probably didn't visit the blog, but if you did and noticed it was gone, I didn't pull it, and now its back.

Comic-Con 2006

Where to begin, where to begin? We'll it was a great convention this year. Great people, great panels. Now I only went to about 4-5 panels with different sections within each. Let us start with the first!

The Activision panel, featuring Phil LaMarr, Stan Lee, and that chick from 90210 just to name a few. It started off with a great cinematic from Marvel's Ultimate Alliance. In the cinematic it contains the following characters: Spider-Man, Thor, Wolverine, Captain America, Nick Fury, Doctor Doom, and what looks like some Ultron robots. Long story short it was a funny as hell panel with one guy getting grilled for not liking Iron Man appear in X-Men Legends II (I believe). I went out early to go look around at the booths which were amazing. Of course DC Comics had one of the biggest booths, but Sci-fi channel took the cake. A big ass replica of a space ship I believe from their new Battlestar Galactica comprised the whole booth. Hasbro on the other hand had a giant Optimus Prime ready to go into battle at a moments notice. What I did find interesting was that there was a booth for Snakes on a Plane. What that was doing there I wouldn't know, but it's Snakes on a motherfucking Plane! Now after looking around buying a few things, like a mathematical delicious shirt, I then headed over to the dreaded Hall H.

Hall H is where they hold the most popular panels, ranging from big budget movies to the most popular cult figure in history. So we arrive, and it's a Disney panel. They talk about a four disc extended edition of the Chronicles of Narnia: the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. They showed some extended scenes and some behind the scenes stuff. But then we get to the Pirates of the Caribbean. As soon as it goes on, screams and yells started to erupt. Now, imagine a room full of 6 thousand people, though it mainly sounded like teenage girls doing most of the screaming...We were shown some clips from the new movie that's going to be out and I can only say one thing about it: Singapore.

So I stick around see what else is going to be next and then, it's the Sony panel. Oh how I waited for this panel the whole time I was there. The first part had a discussion on Ghost Rider the movie. They showed us the trailer and then had the main cast and the main crew members come out. It was an interesting panel. I believe Nicholas Cage was stoned as hell during it. His whole thing about he flies in his dreams and when he wakes up he thinks that he can still hover......fucked up no? Very interesting panel indeed. After that however, we were treated to a most delightful treat, a panel on Spider-Man 3. Sam Raimi came out along with another producer. Sam starts poking fun at the other producer, Laura Ziskin I believe, by giving her the hardest question about the villains. She got all flustered and started to walk off and Raimi took the helm once again. Things started off by showing a trailer of the clip.

It shows more than the teaser of course, but one thing we weren't expecting: the movie's appearance of Venom. Sharp teeth and all. Everyone screamed, clap gave a standing ovation to it. It was great. We then are introduced to the main cast of the movie. Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst, Thomas Haden Church, Topher Grace, Bryce Dallas Howard. However, James Franco did not show up, I believe he was under the weather or something of the sort. We being the Q & A. For about 15 Minutes it's all "I have a question for Mr. Raimi" "I have a question from Tobey" "I think your hot Kirsten Dunst" "I loved Lady in the Water" "How does it feel to play Venom Mr. Grace?". Everyone neglecting old Tommy boy. Though when we finally get to him, he gives out the most outrageous answers. Ranging from "being feed from Sam Raimi's breast" to "I would wreak havoc with corn, I shall be called the Corn Cobgoblin!". What I didn't expect, should've, that Sam Raimi mentioned that after Spider-Man 3 is wrapped up he will start on a new or remake of Evil Dead. He then begins to take jabs at Bruce Campbell about him being in almost all of his movies cameo or not.

When that was over, we were surprised by a recent addition to the day's festivities. A panel by Kevin Smith. This was by far the funniest, and the one with the most use of the F word that I have been in. He talks of course about Clerks II and by his surprise that it was given an R rating without any cuts required. How his movies are extremely crappy, in his opinion, and that he was surprised by the success they had. When asked about Jason Mewes being in attendcing. He said yes, then a prompt not saying that he was just fucking with us, and then another yes where he finally comes out and answers some questions also. The most interesting part was one when guy had a question, but he needed an interpretur because he can only communicate in sign language. He had fun with the interpretur making him say...well lets leave the lew sex acts out of this...He then goes onto debunk the rumor of him working on the Green Hornet movie. Describing that he would just have both of them leaning on their car the Black Beauty and go off screen to fight crime and we would only hear it, then go back to leaning on the car and make sex jokes. All in all it was a great convention....though the prescence of G4 kind of suck, most of the time they were barely filming and when they weren't their booth only had a few a people. Don't know why they even went. Oh well got to see Zach Selwyn and Wil O'Neal I believe from Attack of the Show. Still a great Con though. If you are able to go to San Diego for next year's Con I encourage you to go. It's like the Con of all Cons.

Side note: If you didn't know, the god like man known as Peter Cullen will be voicing Optimus Prime in the new Transformers movie. The original voice of Optimus! I'm still geeking out over it!!!

paris in summer

i could not ignore the post on paris hilton

devoting an entire page to hate her demeans me

i did it anyway

i had to

if she were my sister i'd kill her with a painful poison

i would not swap anything with her except bank account and only if she'd die

this is not merely a plug but mandatory WoW reading

Hey, would you deliver these bombs for US?

According to the NYT, the Bush Administration just gave the go ahead to expedite the shipment of precision guided bombs to Israel. Just a little background info, the US provides about $1.8 billion dollars to Israel in "Foreign Military Financing" every year. This is a major part of the reason why so many Arabs see the US and Israel as one and the same. Those aren't just US made F-16's flying over your desert home, those are also US made precision munitions being dropped on what used to be your house.

This news about the "rush order" being filled by the US for our Israeli friends is just going to add more fuel to the fire while the IDF rolls into Lebanon to hunt down Hezbollah. Those are our tax dollars killing innocent Lebanese civilians.

Here's the Deal...

...if you ever make fun of Scientology again, Leah Remini WILL KICK THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF YOU. She's fuckin' serious.

You got that? HUH? HUH? DO YA?!!?

Happy Groping...

....our Idiot in Chief is at it again. This time, he's groping foreign nationals. For those of you who don't know, during the G8 summit, and without apparent provocation, or even the gleeful look of a merry prankster, GW sauntered up behind German Chancellor Angela Merkel, and began rubbing her shoulders. She quickly, and with a look of revulsion, shrugged him off. Look at his face. More the face of a sex offender than a jokester. Now, of course Hobbs here thinks Bush was slipping some government secrets down the back of her shirt (and her reaction was to hide that little love note), but I'll let you be the judge. You can watch the video (narrated by Jon Stewart on the Daily Show) here.

One question I ask is, what is with all the groping going on by world leaders? First Putin, and now This? Things are just getting stranger and stranger.

The theme song to Armageddon.

Can't you hear this tripe as the bombs fall on Beruit?
Stars are Blind - Paris Hilton.

I am Malach, and when Murk and Malach become President we will make it legal to hunt down, and kill Paris Hilton.

Today is a sad day for The Captain.

For a Captain is always sad when his mighty ship sails away from him under someone else's command.

Or whatever.

I just downloaded the bill of sale for my beloved Jeep Liberty.

Hugs, please. Hugs!

Children's entertainment frightens me as well...

....with all these articles on childrens television, it seemed appropo to share this with you all. For some reason or another, at work I have been receiving emails promoting this live show for kids. In my real work, I've bought tickets for a number of people, which is likely why I am receiving these emails. However, it is the content of the emails that scare me. I've heard of Wiggles and all that, but what the HELL IS THIS???

WHAT THE HELL IS A DOODLEBOP?

And I think to myslef . . .

What a Wonderful World.
It nice to see that the US Marine Corp smells. You think this government would provide deodorant to our troops, or at least some Axe Body Spray. This poor little girl, having to deal with the manly musk of sweaty desert evacuation. After this photo was shot, a reporter asked here why she was holding her nose. She just kind of looked blankly at him and vomited on his shoes.

The soldier upon seeing this tossed here to the ground, defecated on her, placed a life sized cut out of Lynndie England pointing at her, took her pic and sent it to Hill TV.

I SEE DEAD PEOPLE!
Especially since soon my drug fueled NPH automobile antics might soon cause a death.

The Wonders of Wikipedia.
I hate Wikipedia, I love Wikipedia. I have the same relationship with Wal Mart. I mean, where else can you learn to build a dry ice bomb? Learn effective ways of suicide? Learn some new profanity? Learn some new sex moves? Yeah Wikipedia is useful. Even though none of you can get right crap in there.

The worst Webcomic on the Web.
I found it . . . Spamtoons. Read it, I could not find one that was funny, nor enjoyable. The art is atrocious, the writing even worse. BAD! I mean this is so bad it makes me angry.

Beryl, and Portugee Man-O-Wars.
So now that Malach is working a 4 day work week, the family is going to the beach tomorrow. Between TS Beryl and the Portuguese Man-O-War invasions, this should be fun.

Speaking of the Portuguese.
Be afraid, very afraid. Hobbs turn up the speakers and dance to scare co-workers. The Feast actually has the destinction of being in the Guinness Book of World Records for two things. The "largest Portuguese celebration in the world", and the "most alcohol consumed in a weekend".

A Question of my WoWees.
1. How long would the pole have to be to touch Pamela Anderson?

I am Malach, and I love my Portugees!

RESCUE MISSION!

U.S. Marines help evacuees board a landing craft on a beach in Beirut, Lebanon. That's nice, but is that Marine rescuing a beach chair?

tropical paradise

have you ever been to one of those crazy as big tropical islands ?

i want to school you on what goes on outside the resort hotels

unfortunately i need to use punctuation to do this and you know how i hate punctuation

in fact my shit on hill tv is edited by his royal jambastic majesty dr murkpeckerhead

so, i will use it to direct you when to pause. see? okay, i can tolerate it for a bit

so, my friend johnny and i went to st. thomas to get some happy action. the chicks at the hotel were either marrried, old, fat, dumb, ugly or stuck up. some were all of the above. so we decided to go off resort to get some native. there's a few problems right up front. first, we had to rent mopeds. yeah. here comes devo ladies!

so, after driving a few miles, we ghost rode the mopeds into the ocean and decide to walk the beach they don't tell you about in the brochure. it was a super nekkid beach. it had its share of nasty, but we did find a few dumb native non uglies and thought we'd go say hello.

there are a lot of men with guns outside the resort.

as soon as they had our clothes off and secured us to the bed with handcuffs, a few 'locals' came in, had at us, and left with our money and clothes. the greatest humiliation was the fact that they just let us go and didn't kill us.

so, we went to the local authorities to report the crime. the offered us some fresh lemonade which was drugged. the local police had at us and then made us go pull our mopeds out of the ocean. they were rented moped and we had to pay for them. this is where the part about the people stealing our money come back to truly haunt us. we had to work as lady boys in a brothel to pay our way to freedom.

after finally getting free, we went back to the resort. we had no identification or money. we had run way past our chekout date and were being charged for the room at peak season rates and, as you know, we had no money.

i'm going to tell you that we had to make our way home by offering our lady boy services in five different countries, including canada, just to earn fake passport which got us arrested and deported back to st. thomas.

why even bother to tell you?

well, i haven't been around in a while and i figured i owed you an honest explanation.

moral: stay in the resort

The line has been drawn and now the challenge is issued!

Well, as many of you have unfortunately witnessed lately, Dr. Murk and I have had a serious public falling out.

For more reasons than I care to list, our friendship has withered away to dust and now it is time we settle this thing.


No, we're not going to do this "Fight Club style" (lucky for him) we're going to do this the "old fashioned meets the modern internet" way.

Just like the good doctor ordered...

A PODCAST DUEL!

So, Dr. Von Fuckstick, (aka: Murk, aka: Muchs, aka: Fatty, aka: Meatfeet, aka: Spacefarmer's BITCH, aka: Drunky) I accept your challenge!

We will set a date in the near-future to be decided on and formally approved by our wives (don't even pretend like you don't need her express permission because we all know that you do) with the location being at your home office recording studio.

I'll bring the wine the wit. You bring the eats and intelligence.

We'll see who comes out alive and...

...who never comes out at all.

Immigration in this country is broken

But first a quick plug
Silent Auction, for PATRIOTS TICKETS. Check it out. All for a good cause!

Immigration.
The Immigration policies of the this Country are broken, everyone realizes it, but no one is sure how to fix it. Dubya had his own plan but left the details up to the House (HR 4437) who came up with a punishment and enforce policy only (which was passed), the Democratic proposals just wanted to make everyone legal. A mix of the two (S 2611) was passed in the house. Everyone is up arms. No plan is adaquate to the conservatives, who basically want to close the borders, or liberals who want to let the world in. I don't propose to have the answers to this, but I have some knowledge to share on the subjetc.

The US is founded on the principals at the base of the Statue of Liberty. The US is the greatest country in the world, founded by displaced persons. Most of US can trace back our first ancestor who immigrated to the US and why.

I work for an organization who has extensive dealings with both legal and illegal immigrants. I also live in a part of the country that has a huge population of both legal and illegal immirants. I am very familiar with the issues. Why do most immigrants come here? It is not to commit crimes or blow up buildings. It is to make money. Think about this. Think about the job you work now. Becuase of the issues with your country, you could make no more than 20 cents an hour? What about your family? What about a place to live? Would you risk coming to a foreign country to make $6.00 an hour to clean toilets? I would. I have a fellow co-worker. He is from Columbia. In Columbia he is a degreed Dentist. He was one of the highest paid workers in his circle. Do you know what he made a year? $9,000. And prices in Columbia are not much cheaper than they are here. He came to this country, working as a social worker for $12.00 per hour. It is like a fortune to him. It took him 7 years to get approved to come here legally.

That is part of the problem. Because he is Latin American, there are a number of limits and extra obstacles to him entering the country. If he was European, he could of come with just a passport, and probably already be a citizen. There is also a quota on particular ethnicities entering this country (mainly the poor ones). The US hasn't even come close to meeting that quota in 15 years.

Terrorism. I can assure you of this, terrorist don't enter this country from Mexico. Crossing the Mexican border has become as dangerous as being a soldeir in Iraq (perhaps more), and no one who isn't desperate to come here would try it. You see, the Southern Border has a fence, and is rather secure in most places. The place it is not secure? The extensive expanse of arid, rattlesnake infested desert. A 5 day or so walk to get to civilization. 120 degree heat, no water, little food. Estimate of deaths are impossible to count, but ask anyone who has made the journey, how many bodies in the desert they have seen. How many news article do you read about the border patrol become rescue and body recovery organizations?

It is estimate 11 to 12 million illegal immigrants are in this country, 7 million of them working. Do you know what happens to the taxes these immigrants pay (which most of them do) if they leave. They go into a general fund (and probably get spent on Iraq). What would happen if you suddenly deported them all? How much would our economy be effected if illegals are no longer paying taxes and buying stuff?

This is just the beginning, and the debate should rage for the remainder of the next Congressional Session.

Before I sign off some questions. What are people really afraid of with immigration? Are you willing to work these jobs if the illegals are deported? What responsibility does big business who hire illegals have? What responsibility do the US business who move to the cheaper employemnt market of Mexico have? Does the US have the responsibility to deal with these businesses?

I am Malach, and my first immigrant ancestors came from Canada in the 1600's.

Couple of Hump Day Jokes!!!

Golfer Joke
A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. He finally gets himself to the doctor. He says, "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancé is still a virgin in every way." The doc said , "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage and wired it all together. It was an impressive work of art.

The guy mentions none of this to his girlfriend. They marry and on their honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he ever saw them. She says, "You are the first, no one has ever touched these breasts." He pulls down his pants, whips it out and says, "Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"

~*~*~*~*~*~

Hockey vs. Sex
It's legal to play hockey professionally.

The puck is always hard.

The protective equipment is reusable.

It lasts a full hour.

You know you're finished when the buzzer sounds.

Periods last only 20 minutes.A 2-on-1 and a 3-on-1 is not uncommon.

You can count on it at least twice a week.

Your parents cheer when you score.

You can tell your friends about it afterwards.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Man & Woman

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. One day he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears. "You know what? You have been with me all throught the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side ...You know what?"

"What dear?" she asked gently.

"I think you're bad luck. Get the fuck away from me."

And so, my children...

....another day has come to an end in the Land of the Wand of Wonder. We hope you enjoyed your time here today, and feel all the better for visiting. I'm sure you enjoyed our lovely discussions on adult and childrens television, our informed opinions on CNN and the government, our caption contest, and our thought provoking article on obesity in America. I know you all had a wonderful time watching the beautiful relationship developing between Dr. Murk and Captain Flak Paperpants. I know I did! Be sure to tune in tomorrow for yet another fun filled day, here at WOW. I'm Grandma Peterson, beloved matriarch here at WOW, and I just want to remind you that I Love You.

I'd like to leave you with a piece of heartwarming entertainment that I like to call: "Miss Monster goes to Catholic School." Some of you may have enjoyed this little program before, but for those who haven't, I'm sure you'll learn a valuable moral lesson, and be all the better for it. Remember, Grandma Loves You!

CNN.com could be a lot more fun if I was in control.

How Hot Is It?

Hot enough to play WHO'S GOT THE CAPTION!!!!

Okay, please leave your notion of what the caption to this photo should be:

Example: "Let's eat first, and then take the towels off."

or

No Drinking Before 10 A.M.

GOOD GOD, A KLINGON!

Sorry, but WOW is pretty quiet today! I had to do something!

The State of the Nation today is…

….Fat. Real Fat. Friggin Obese. Yeah, I’m not talking about a good 12 pack like Murk’s or the Cap’n. I’m not even talking about a case like some others. No, I’m talking about the freaking KEG. People in America are huge. Really, really fat.

We, the nation of consumers, need to start paying attention to what we consume. Yeah, there are some people out there with glandular problems and what not. Those fatties are ok, its not really their fault. But that is a low percentage of the true fatties that take up valuable space in this country. We’ve all seen or know about SuperSize Me, the movie about the guy who eats McDonalds crappy poo 3 meals a day for a month. Brother almost died, and gained massive amounts of weight. There are people in this country who eat like that all the time. Hell, half the food sold in this country doesn’t remotely occur naturally, or barely have any ingredients that aren’t created in a lab. Soda? Freaking Soda? Highly sweetened poison, and fatty fat fat! High Fructose Corn Syrup, a modified beyond belief ingredient that caused more health issues and more fatty fatty fat fat than probably any other. This stuff should have been banned by the FDA, hell, even the EPA, years ago. But, of course, big bizniss loves it, pays less for it, and since this is a country truly run by corporations, they feed it to us all they want. Ever had Chocolate? No, I mean Real Chocolate. I’m not talking about a snickers bar, not even a solid ‘chocolate’ Hershey bar. That is not chocolate, that is a HFCS laden candle with a sprinkle of chocolate flavor. No, I’m not making that up. Stuff is made of WAX. People need to spend a little more time thinking about what they put in their bodies. Hell, you can fertilize a field with the feces of pretty much any animal, and it will grow all happy. Put some Human poo down there, and nothing will grow, and the land will become toxic. Why is that? All the chemical crap we’ve forced down our throats for years.

What got me thinking about this? Joint Replacement. That’s right, this article here on medical joint replacements, hips, knees, you name it. Back in the day, people needed joint replacements due to sports injuries, or brittle bones from old age. That was the overall majority of these surgeries. Not today. Today, at least half, if not two-thirds of all joint replacement surgeries are due to OBESITY. People are so fat, their own bones can’t support them anymore. And, their ‘condition’ leads to more difficult surgeries. I quote: “They appear to suffer more complications during and after surgery, require more costly rehabilitation, and, because of the strength it takes to manipulate their bones, can even create physical risks for surgeons. Heavy patients face increased risks of blood clots, wound infections, and pneumonia, according to studies, causing some surgeons to turn away patients unless they lose weight.”

30% of American’s are considered Obese. 10 years ago, it was 23%.

This is a problem.

The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy

Why this is the Greatest kids show on TV.
Malach loves The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy. You all should watch it. If you have never seen it, it is fairly easy to catch. It is a Cartoon Network Staple, and gets broadcast 10 times a day.

A basic plot. Billy and Mandy are two children from Endsville, a typical US suburb. One day, they were playing with Billy's hamster, who dies, the Grim Reaper (Grim) appears to take the animal away. Mandy refuses to let the Grim Reaper take the hamster and challenges him to a contest. If Grim wins he keeps the hamster, if Billy and Mandy win, Grim must become their "best friend forever and ever". Grim challenges them to limbo, which he has never lost. Of course he loses. He then begins his servitude with Billy and Mandy.

And servitude it is, they make Grim do their chores and boss him around. Grim slowly begins to act like a typical human, spending much of his time watching TV, eating junk food, and playing video games. He develops this love-hate relationship with the children, and hopes to break free from his enslavement. Hilarity ensues.

Usually, the plot centers around some mundane thing, which turns supernatural in nature. Dimesion Traveling is common. The show deals with many a supernatural an obscure reference from everything to Cthulhu, Dune, Harry Potter, 1920's film, Ancient Egypt, Pagan Gods, Edgar Allen Poe, Asgard, and such. There is plenty of gross humor (ie Billy washes his hair with feces thinking it is shampoo), and absurd violence (ie Billy is riding a bike, flips over the handle bars, and shreds his face down to his skull). It is FUNNY for adults as well as kids, but more for adults.

Characters
Billy: Billy is the typical happy-go-lucky idiot. According to the show, he has a functioning IQ of -5. He has a number of unpleasant habits, including nose-picking, flatulence, male chauvinism and unapologetic idiocy. Prone to surprising (if nonsensical) fits of rage, he is extremely hyperactive, with a knack for causing all kinds of disasters and ending in various parallel dimensions, usually by experimenting with Grim's supernatural items.

Mandy: Billy's closest "friend", although completely contrasting character: with an acerbic attitude, evil personality ("I believe in abusing and exploiting the stupid"), and often surprising intellect and knowledge of the supernatural. She is rude to practically everybody, even her parents. She is completely sadistic and dark; ruling over everyone, constantly bossing people around. She is a fearless fighter who will stand up to schoolyard bullies and monsters from the underworld without flinching.

Grim: is the the personification of Death, portrayed as a scythe-wielding skeleton in a black hooded robe. He is thousands of years old, as he was a child at the time of the Neanderthals. His accent and language use suggests that he is Jamaican. He enjoys all kinds of chaos, despair, and torture , and many other dark things.

There are other minor characters, most notable Irwin, and nerdy African American (similar to Urkel), who is in love with Mandy. He ends most every sentence with the phrase "YO!".

To set up our clip.
Mandy has entered a Beauty Contest to get her enemy Mindy (typical Cheerleader) by winning it. Grim brings in a Underworld Beauty Consultant, who dolls up Mandy. They realize if she smiles (which she has never done), she will win. They go through a some typical rounds of a beauty contest (swim suits, western wear) and not so typical (Gom Jabbar - "IT BURNS!"). It comes down to the last talent display, and Mandy is tied with Mindy. Mindy does the human canonball from one cannon to the other, and the judges are impressed. It comes all down to Mandy . . .



This is perhaps best describes Billy and Mandy in a 3 minute video. If you have a half hour, you can watch a great episode, Keeper of the Reaper over at YouTube.

I am Malach, So Beautiful!

Junk Brothers on HGTV (the review)

What do you get when you take two Gay Canadian Guys who love junk, send them on a semi-legal scavenger hunt, and make them fix the stuff they steal and bring it back? You get HGTV's new TV show, Junk Brothers. The show debuted last Wednesday. Screw me for being a bit late.

As I've said, they roam around on trash day and pick up junk like old stoves and dressers. They take the stuff back to their Secret Gay Mounted Police Shop in Canada (eh?), they 'fix it up' and then they bring it back to the people who previously discarded it. They even ring the doorbell and hide so they can watch the reaction. This sounds awesome, right???

Okay, let me just say that as a basic premise for a show, this is probably one of the greatest ideas to come along in a while. It's kind of like a benevolent prank show. Plus, who wouldn't want to see their old sh*t picked up by two Really Burly Gay Canadian Grease Monkeys, redone, and then dropped back off in new and awesome condition free of charge? The commercials looked so promising, I had to tune in.

Now the bad news. These must be the two Most Boring Canadian Born Gay Repairmen ever. With echanges like this:

"You cut the hole there, eh? I'm going to the store."

"Okay."

*scene of cutting hole there*

"I'm back."

"Okay."

"Let's put this together, eh?"

"Okay."

"This is going to look good."

"They're going to be suprised."

"Did you cut the hole, eh?"

"Yup."

"Good."

You can see why I was a bit disapointed. Alright. So these guys don't quite have that Sparkling Gay Canadian Personality I was craving. At least I'll learn something, right?

Wrong. The show seems to have been edited by Jethro Tull. Often times I'd get through one of those montage 'getting things done' scenes and forget if I was still watching the same show. There was very little in the way of explanation of what they did. Some of the things were never even mentioned, but clearly were done to the object.

Well, maybe the show's saving grace would be the reaction of the owners when they see the newly fixed object? Nope. The first reaction shows a woman looking out her front door and then going back inside. You can tell that they cut at that point and informed the people that they were going to be on TV, and so they came out and acted shocked. The second set of owners' reaction is so over the top that you know for a fact that the director was not taking any chances.

So, on a scale of 1 to 10, I give Junk Brothers a giant ONE, as in one fingered salute. The moral is, never trust a Canadian, let alone Two Gay Canadian Lite Ice Fix It Twins.

Murk.

All for the Money.

Its that time of year again, for all WWE fans out there to get MAX horneyness. For it is time for the $250,000 Diva Search. Where supposly 8 Women pretend to be Diva's just for the change to get 250k. The first women to be elimated, was tonight. Her name was Amy. She said in an Interview, that "I wanted this real bad." Was she telling us about the WWE Job, Prolly not. She was more then likley talking about the $250,000 prize. Below is a picture of the Diva's. I edited something that is wrong with each of them.

:( Unlike last year, All of them where Class A Whores, so they where all hot. Where here there is only 1. So... :(. The people who work in WWE have bad taste in the "Future Diva's" They picked this year. *Holds head down in shame.*

A WikiWTF?

WTF?

A Favor to ask of my fellow WoWers

If anyone has the ability to download music, can you please see if you can find a the following song for me:


'Yen On a Carousel'

Artist: Dave Grusin
Composer: Dave Grusin
CD Title: Ocean's Twelve
Label: Warner Bros.

Thank you!

You are all green with envy part II

Guess what else Malach is in possession of . . .
Beyond Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue, Malach is also in possession of another rare and cool thing. Known collectively as the "Who Wants to Die" Elmo. Evidently the manufacturer of this book (Potty Time With Elmo) put in some type of cheap ass soundboard subpar audio compression, and instead of the phrase sounding like "Uh Oh, Who wants to go" . . . it says 'Uh Oh, Who wants to die!". Check out the YouTube Video on it from Malach's Favorite News Station Boston's Channel 7 News (somewhere between news, tabloid, and MTV).



I suppose Murk and I will have to now interview Elmo about this on the next podcast. It also just proves the Cap'ns point in his latest WoW post about Children's Television.

WoW, helping you males teens makes sense of puberty.
Today's seach hit phrase of the day is:
is it okay to get an erection from hugging
You see, WoW does perform an essential public service.

I am Malach and who's ready to die?

So...

would you like to see my belly too?

The Evil Media Landscape that is Kids Daytime Television.

Each workday morning, I sit with my sons in bed and we watch some typical kids television shows such as The Wiggles, Higglytown Heros, Sesame Street, Teletubbies, etc. Well, this morning, as I drank my coffee and cuddled with my boys, I realized something.

Something... terrible. Something... disturbing: Kids television is inherently racist!

Yes! It's true! Most of these shows are about bossy white men and their token minorities! Don't believe me? Look at this!!!

Let's start with The Teletubbies:
Tinky Winky is the purple, clearly white male leader of this creepy, nonsensical imaginary chain gang. Why is he purple? Because that's the color of royalty and the white males are always the monarchs. Next we have Dipsy, the little green monster. Dipsy is clearly supposed to be a slightly-stupid black male. Notice the darker "skin" color on the face? Why is he green? Because he is green with envy that he is not white. Ok, now we move on to Laa-Laa. She is yellow. Yellow = Asian. Duh! She even has yellowish "skin" tone in her face. Finally, we have Po. Po is the subservient white female with the black rap artist wannabe name. Why red? I have a theory on that, but it is too offensive to post up here. This article alone is going far enough.

Now, we move on to Disney's The Little Einsteins:
Oh boy. Another white male driven group of smart ass misfits. Leo, the Alpha Male, is an annoying, smarty-pants mother fucker who rules over the rest of them. Annie, the dumb blonde white female simply does whatever she is told to do. Quincy (Jones?!?!) is our token African American who is usually playing some sort of jazz-related instrument (WHY NOT JUST GIVE HIM A BUCKET OF FRIED CHICKEN WINGS?) And then we have June. June is a bit of an anomaly because... well, look at her eyes. They're a bit oval and squinty. Is she supposed to be Asian? If so, WTF? And then we come to rocket. Rocket is red. Why red? I have a theory on that, but it is too offensive to post up here. This article alone is going far enough.

OK, here comes Higglytown Heroes:

I'll keep this one short. Eubie... large white dominant male. Kip... clumsy Asian in glasses. Twinkle (!??!)... black female who is always coming out with stupid conspiracy theories when something goes wrong on the show. Kip... another typical white male. And then we have Fran, the maternal red squirrel. Why red? I have a theory on that, but it is too offensive to post up here. This article alone is going far enough.

Finally, we have The Wiggles:

These guys aren't so bad... or are they? Let's see. You've got Anthony (who looks a lot like my friend Boxy) wears blue and is always hungry (hungry for WHITE POWER, no doubt.) Greg, in the yellow jersey performs magic tricks (MAGIC TRICKS MEANT TO TEASE AND DEMEAN THE MINORITIES!) Jeff, the token Asian in the purple shirt always falls asleep at any given moment (BECAUSE HE IS A LAZY MINORITY!) Then, there is Murry. He is obsessed with playing the guitar and he wears a red jersey. Why red? I have a theory on that, but it is too offensive to post up here. This article alone is going far enough.

There are several other shows that follow this disturbing racist trend meant to teach our children the true meaning of American society (huh?), but let's talk about some good shows.


Ola! It's Dora The Explorer:

This is a well balanced, diverse, pretty good show that teaches kids the importance of being bilingual in a steadily growing Spanish America. She gets lost a lot on the show, but there's a always a white map ready to show her the way. Wait a minute... a WHITE map? Uh oh! I won't even talk about Swiper the masked Red Fox who steals everything! Why red? I have a theory on that, but it is too offensive to post up here. This article alone is going far enough.

And now... the classic... Sesame Street:

This is a decent example of a well balanced breakfast show. But, lately, the writers and producers of Sesame Street are getting carried away with that little red fucker Elmo. Why red? I have a theory on that, but it is too offensive to post up here. This article alone is going far enough.

Another classic CNN.com moment...

You are all green with Envy . .

Why?
About a year ago, Malach's son stumbled on a strange VHS at a yard sale. Since it was only Fity Cents, Malach picked it up. Well lo and behold, Malach has a rare copy of Cartoon All-Stars To The Rescue. Bad does not describe this 1990 "Just Say No To Drugs" cartoon featuring a plethora of 80s and 90s cartoon heroes, including: Alf, Bugs Bunny, The Chipmunks, The Smurfs, The Muppet Babies (a fave of mine), Winnie the Pooh, TMNT, Garfeild, and more. Muscial numbers, ultra cheesy bad guys, and the token smoking marijuana leads you down the road to crime, and crack addiction. Funny, funny, funny. Even a quick message from Dubya Senior and Babs. Should of shown this video to Dubya Jr.

You can check it out on YouTube. Your life will be better for doing so junkie. Or go buy one on Ebay.

GIANT FUGGIN' UNDERPANTS

Ohh Man, this is funny.

I am Malach and don't do drugs, unless you want to be cool.

I give you the soundtrack of WoW

1) The Poem about Murk and Malach By: Captain Flak Paperpants
Malach is king
Murk can sing
I am not worthy
of their anything

Malach goes bam
Murk can slam
I am not enjoying
this particular jam

Malach is Matt
Murk isn't Pat
I am not tit
to their superior tat

2)Sorry Malach by Dr. R. Murk.
Hey kids!!!! The theme song is dead!!!!

Mana mana The theme song's over.
Mana mana The theme song's dead.
Mana mana The theme song's over
I killed it
It's overI'm so glad it's fucking gone!

3) Chuckaconda by Malach?
CHUCKACONDE!

CHUCKACONDE!

Chuckaconde, let me rock you
Let me rock you, Chuckaconde
Let me rock you, that's all I wanna do
Chuckaconde, let me rock you
Let me rock you, Chuckaconde
Let me rock you, let me feel for you
Chuckaconde let me tell you what I wanna do
Do you feel for me, the way I feel for you
Chuckaconde let me tell you what I wanna do
I wanna love you, wanna hug you, wanna squeeze you too
Let me take you in my arms
Let me fill you with my charms, Chucka
'Cause you know that I'm the one to keep you warm
Chucka, I'll make you more than just a physical dream
I wanna rock you, CondeBaby, cause you make me wanna scream
Let me rock you, rock you


This can be bought on the WoW super store.

All the money will go to..

CONTEST!

The 2nd Annual Cartoon Orbit: The Complete Guide/RubberSuit Studios Create-A-Comic Contest.
Read everything you need to know here. I am looking for judges, and other prizes if anyone wants to donate something.

Perhaps Murk, a signed CD of the Murk and Malach show?

I am Malach, the contest master!

Like I always say...

...it's not a Minivan.

It's a Runabout!

I've got one too!

Now, come on, read my blog too! I've got Mr. T on there an everything!!!

(yes, i know i shouldn't have posted this, but i just couldn't resist! plus, no one likes my blog anyways!)

A poem for our fearless leaders

Malach is king
Murk can sing
I am not worthy
of their anything

Malach goes bam
Murk can slam
I am not enjoying
this particular jam

Malach is Matt
Murk isn't Pat
I am not tit
to their superior tat

Plugs Galore.

Good sites, that are useful too.
I relation to the Cap'ns last post about Feedburner, I thought I might explain what Feedburner is along with a couple of other useful traffic generators for your blog and sites. First, you need to know what and RSS feed is. Instead of me explaining what it is, you can check out a article I wrote on it. Or maybe I won't, seems Dr. Murk took the article down from Hill TV. Let me see if I can find it elsewhere. Nope. Bastard . . . Ok, you guys are stuck with the Wikinazi info.

Now, that you know what it is there are several things you can do. If you have a Blogger blog, they will give you a RSS feed . . . it is can bee found at www.yoursitename.com/atom.xml. For example, Fart Party's can be found here: http://thefartparty.blogspot.com/atom.xml. That is great, Blogger automatically create and updates it for you. I am sure most other blogs work the same way.

Now if you need to create your own (for example, you website), that is where Ice Rocket comes in; by far the easiest RSS Creator I have found. First got to Ice Rocket, at the bottom of the page is a link that says "RSS Builder". It will take you to this page. From there everything is pretty self explanatory. Update from that page as your site updates. It will create an XML feed for you, it will look like this: http://rss.icerocket.com/xmlfeed.php?id=2082. Nice no? BTW that is the RubberSuit Studios feed. Now take that feed web address and bring it to FeedBurner. Basically you will take that feed, and FeedBurner will give you neat stuff to promote it. Stuff like this, and nice little graphics like this:



and this:



So out this stuff whereever the hell you have access to HTML, including blogs, websites, Myspace, and Forums. When someone clicks these buttons they are taken here. There they can sign up for you feed, and sydicate it with their readers.

You are now all set up. All you need to do now is post to your blog or update your Icerocket feed. FeedBurner does the rest.

I saw a tripling of my traffic the first week I set one up, and haven't looked back since.

URLTrends
Another interesting site, it will track your url's, track their popularity and compare to similar url's. Their free account will track 10 url's for you. Here's my trend report.

Frapper
Fun site, tracks where you fans come from with a map. Link keywords with other maps. Buckos map here. They also give you some snazzy graphics.

It seems this you create a nice community. I need play around with this a bit more. I ha it for a awhile, need to re explore the puppy.

I am Malach and I am Plug-3

Feedburner anyone?

Got one of these for your blog?



If so, please post the code in the comments section so I can post yours up in The CAB!

SpaceFarmer's New Action Blog by Dr. Murk, Grade 3 (a review)

One of the funniest things I ever saw was the yellow men on SpaceFarmer's Totally Useless Blog (also know as the S.T.U.B). Well, now that blog is selling car insurance of all things, but SpaceFarmer is still around. That's right! SPACEFARMER! as Captain Black Eye or something or other. And he has a new blog! The CANNON ACTION BLOG featuring SpaceFarmer as Cap'n Ass Blackpants. This blog aslo has an acronym, or an anachronism as SpaceFarmer incorrectly called it. It's, get this... the C.A.B.!!! Isn't that clever? Get in the C.A.B.!

Now, this blog is all about ACTION! "Aw Yeah!" as SpaceFarmer says. I like this blog because it's not nearly as funny as the S.T.U.B., so I don't have to spend a lot of time reading it. As usual, it has pictures of SpaceFarmer all over it!!! Yes! "Aw Yeah!"

One picture had a guy with a gun in his pocket!

So, hop on over to the C.A.B. and get ready to make needless comparisons between it and all the other blogs just like it. It's a winner!

"Aw Yeah!"

Camp Hyrule is coming

What is Camp Hyrule?

It's Nintendo's biggest online event of the year! Camp Hyrule is a free virtual online summer camp where video game fanatics can become immersed in the world of Nintendo. This year, registration for Camp Hyrule is scheduled to take place July 25 - July 27 right here at CampHyrule.com. Each and every registered camper is assigned to a virtual cabin, where he or she can meet other gamers and interact with Nintendo's gameplay experts in exclusive Camp Hyrule chat rooms and message boards. Daily events include live chat shows, games, art activities and surprises galore from Nintendo Power Magazine.

If you like to talk about video games, play practical jokes and rub elbows with Nintendo's expert gamers, then pull out the tanning lotion and get ready to meet new friends at Nintendo's Camp Hyrule 2006. Coming the week of August 14, 2006.

Registration begins July 25th.
http://www.camphyrule.com

It's a Freaking Horse!

Can anyone tell me why this is front page news? All over the news sites every damn day? Ok, fine, its a big race winning horse. And I love animals, really I do. But with everything going on in the world, is this really news? REALLY? WTF. Sorry, but I just don't see it.

Comparing weird search hit phrases

The Other Day . . .
Fart Party posted something about a strange search hit phrase that brought someone to her site (BTW, good luck to Oliver and his transition to Vermont, VT is beautiful). Malach always gets weird search phrase hits, and thought he'd share some with you. These are all from the past 2 days:

go back to your home on whore island : Whore Island . . . Hmm, perhaps a good place for Fat Bug to hang out. Ron Burgundy fans invading Stool Sample Webcomics.

old fart porn xxx: OK . . . This must be the same person who visited Fart Party.

lazytown porn: I get this one at least once a week. If you are not familiar with Lazytown, click me. Yes, look around and imagine the weird Fellini-esque porn you could make with that.

where is a stool sample located: Well, I guess we are Health educators also.

cartoon orbit malach enigma zero: this will only be interesting to a few select people.

i believe it has true cinematic and artistic merit.: Most of these, I can figure out why it lead to me . . . this one, no clue.

i don't think people should do anything to be popular. but maybe within reason they can step out of their comfort zones and do things to be more 'accessible'. like taking drugs or drinking heavily to be cool: So people really put that much wording into search engines?

jesus-is-savior parody site: http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/ is one of my favorite place to hang out. You want several hours of weird reading, go there.

1 fat: It nice to see that incoherrant google babbling leads to me

std stool sample: Don't you just want to meet some of these people.

worlds biggest stool sample: It makes me wonder. I will have to check with guiness.

unbang your neighbors wife: How do you unbang someone?

julia wertz webcomic author: I will have to check if I appear higher on the search than Julia does. HAHAHAHAHA, Yep. Number one on Google.

erotic deformed: Um yeah . . . probably those nudes of Rocky Dennis I posted.

The power of the Internet! BTW, the Yankees picked up bloated psycho drunk Sydney Ponson today . . . talk about desperation.

I am Malach, wanna buy a naked pic of the Elephantman?

Need a little ACTION? Well, look no further.

Get picked up by The CAB
and go for an exicting ride!
HELL YEAH!

Yeah, that sounds about right.

(click for a larger image)

For Shits & Giggles

www.dr-joe.net/quiz.html

Good way to kill some time. Enjoy!

I thought of you, my brothers and sisters

Hosted by Sparkle Tags

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day
while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim
suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the
pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and
pulled Jim out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of
Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news, she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged.
Since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping
in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry." "How soon can I go home?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Sorry for not being able to contribute more here. I'm missing out on all the action. *pouts* But know that I am thinking of everyone here at the mighty Wand of Wonder and that as soon as I can, I will be back!!!

Navigation and Some Updates.

A WoW Proposal.
I have started asking some upper level internet celebrities, to join WoW. It will be interesting to see if we can get some "more famous" people to join here. Right now, our most famous members are probably myself, Fart Party, and Murk and we are as I like to say "D" level internet celebrities. I have recently asked the following to join us.:

Amanda Congdon
Cat Garza
Eric Millikin
Tim Leong

I am looking for more blogger celebs to join. All I need is a e-mail to send them an invite. If you find someone, e-mail the info to me. They don't have to be members of Blogger. And if you are reading this, and want to join, send me you e-mail to invite you.

I also I am not sure what is going on with the messed up fonts. I am trying to fix it. (UPDATE: I just Fixed it)

Oh, and I can't forget this: BOO!

Malach's Easy Navigation of Recent Posts.

7/12/06:
Sorry Malach
Pickled Foreskin
Some Things Make Me Want To Throw Up . . .
The All Star Blog Competition: Name Spacefarmer's New Blog
C'mon in and pull yourself up a chair!
Clyde Knows Best

7/11/06
Does This Sound Like You?
Spacefarmer Dead Yet Again?
For your depression...
And for something a little less boring...
Homelessness
pervert perusal
Brace Yourself / A Big Loss (a mult post)
Well, statistically, it is still safer than swimming in the Bermuda Triangle.
Geek Mecca/Heaven/Shangri-La/Etc.

7/10/06
Oh my god, I can die happy!!! (again)
NEWSFLASH

7/09/06
Nerd Wars Part II . . . Superman, vs. The Hulk, vs. ???
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

7/07/06
The Angry Veteran Invitational Poker Classic
Thank you Wikipedia
The Top Ten Reasons France Will Win the World Cup
May contain advertising
Enjoy a steaming load of...
WoW, various stuff.

7/06/06
Just a reminder
Happy Birthday, Mr. President.
WTF is up with Putin?
Please...

Categories

WoW administration
Sorry Malach
WoW, various stuff.
Just a reminder

Health
Pickled Foreskin
Does This Sound Like You?

Babbling/Advertising/ Spam
Some Things Make Me Want To Throw Up . . .
And for something a little less boring...
Thank you Wikipedia
Enjoy a steaming load of...

Saga that is Spacefarmer
The All Star Blog Competition: Name Spacefarmer's New Blog
Spacefarmer Dead Yet Again?

Television
C'mon in and pull yourself up a chair!

Jokes
Clyde Knows Best

Politics
For your depression...
Homelessness
Happy Birthday, Mr. President.

Internet
pervert perusal

News
Brace Yourself / A Big Loss (a mult post)
Well, statistically, it is still safer than swimming in the Bermuda Triangle.
WTF is up with Putin?
Please...

Geek Shiite
Geek Mecca/Heaven/Shangri-La/Etc.
Nerd Wars Part II . . . Superman, vs. The Hulk, vs. ???

Movies
Oh my god, I can die happy!!! (again)
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

Sports/Games
The Angry Veteran Invitational Poker Classic
The Top Ten Reasons France Will Win the World Cup

I am Malach, and yes, there were zeros posts on 7/8.

Sorry Malach

I know you love the theme song and it was a good theme song like the first 300 times I heard it but "Ba daba da doo da doot doot dee doo doo SHUTTHEFUCKUP!!!!!!!!"

Hey kids!!!! The theme song is dead!!!!

Mana mana The theme song's over.
Mana mana The theme song's dead.
Mana mana The theme song's over
I killed it
It's over
I'm so glad it's fucking gone!

I'm really sorry but every time I refreshed the screen... no. I don't want to think about it anymore...

Pickled Foreskin

This topic crossed my mind with the announcement a couple of days ago that my uncle (well, aunt) had his first child. This got me thinking about the day I was born. I figured this could count as my attempt at getting weird search hits...

This requires a bit of background information.

Now, I know about circumcision, and I know it is done for sanitation reasons, but it also has biblical roots. While the Bible portrays Abraham as this brave and stoic cock slicer, I believe the conversation went something like:

A:Wait wait wait, you want...you want me to what?
G:Yeah, man, just cut off that excess part.
A:You know, I never hear Buddha's followers talking about weird crap like this...

I, Hojo, am the oldest child in my family, and being the oldest child means that my parents save everything. Locks of hair, toenails, blood clots, anything that is my first is documented. I knew this, so I decided to ask my mom about it. The actual conversation with my mom went a little something like:

Mom, what happened to my foreskin?
...It's gone.
But, like, you didn't save it?
God, no, that's gross.
What?! You don't have it in a jar of embalming fluid or something?
(laughs) No, genius. They probably sent it into the incinerator.
You mean he didn't pin it onto a "wall of fame" or something?
And So On...

From this conversation we can deduce:
•I am on WoW because I was raised in a frighteningly candid household
•My mom doesn't love me, her oldest child, as much as I thought

I never liked doctors before, but when I learned of their slash and burn tactics (insert obligatory "wood" joke here) I was horrified. What kind of sick person hacks away at a newborn's penis and then burns the "shavings?" I always thought cremation was my option, but they've already started without my consent.

I started to get seperation anxiety from my poor lost foreskin. And, as it is with aputees, I started to feel a tingle. My phantom foreskin was trying to reach me from the great beyond.

What is my point, dearest WoWees? I propose a constitutional amendment stating every excised foreskin be saved and given to the parents in a jar of preservational fluid.

There are positive aspects to this amendment:
+ Fewer scalpel-happy pyromaniacs going to medical school
+ Civics students will definitely be attending class the day they discuss the Pickled Foreskin amendment

The Negative:
- Our poor Jewish friends will forever have a memoir of their "rite of passage"

So, my friends, support the passing of the 28th amendment, one that could save lives.

Now it's time to sit back and watch those weird hits just roll in.

Some things make me want to throw up....

other things, however, are badass

the end.

The All Star Blog Competition: Name Spacefarmer's New Blog

As we all know, our dearly beloved Spacefarmer has been robbed of his "Totally Useless Blog" or "TUB." While this has brought out a deep emotional response from many in the WoW community, we must do more than simply sympathize with (or mock) the Spacefarmer. He needs to put up a new site, and by God, he needs our help.

Thus, I throw down the glove and challenge you to a competition: Name that Blog! Will you be the one who creates the name the Spacefarmer will pick? Or will you be publicly humiliated for your pathetic entry? Only time will tell.

Start your submissions!

C'mon in and pull yourself up a chair!

Let the fun begin it's time to let down your hair!
As some of you may or may not know, [adult swim] is now broadcasting reruns of Pee Wee's Playhouse, Mon - Thurs at 11PM (some clips here). The show was orignally aired from 1986 - 1990. Malach loved the show and still thinks it is the Greatest "Childrens Show" ever created. I have not seen a episode since 1990 and as well all know memory fades with time.

After two nights of the Playhouse, all I can say is wow! I never realized how good the show was, how drug induced and stoner out there is was, how diverse, how much innuendo to drugs, sex, homosexual behavior, and original it was. The production values are a bit dated, but it fits the campiness of the show. Absolutley original in concept. Amazing it got the critical praise and awards it did. It opened up doors, along with Ren and Stimpy, for modern kids shows such as The Tick, Invader Zim, Spongebob, Bill and Mandy, etc. At the time when the show aired I thought it was incredible, I never realized how incredible the show actually was until now. How many people got their big breaks at the Playhouse? Laurence Fishburne, Phil Hartman, Jimmy Smits, S. Epatha Merkerson, and Sandra Bernhard to name a few.

Absolutely amazing and I would highly suggest you begin watching it.

I am Malach, Meka Leka Hi, Meka Hiney-oh.

Clyde Knows Best

A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer.

Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the..."

"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"

Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie".

Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, "How are you feeling?" "Now what the hell would you say?

~*~*~

Happy Hump Day all my WoWeeesss!

Does This Sound Like You?

Passive Aggressive is a term that is misused by many people. Usually those people only know the term because their therapist threw it at them when they were being passive aggressive. So, in order to avoid confusion, I've ripped off the following stub.

Common signs of Passive-aggressive personality disorder:

There are certain behaviors that help identify a passive-aggressive.

Ambiguity
Avoiding responsibility by claiming forgetfulness
Blaming others
Chronic lateness and forgetfulness
Complaining
Does not express hostility or anger openly
Fear of competition
Fear of dependency
Fear of intimacy
Fears authority
Fosters chaos
Intentional inefficiency
Making excuses and lying
Obstructionism
Procrastination
Resentment
Resists suggestions from others
Sullenness

A passive-aggressive may not have all of these behaviors, and may have other non-passive-aggressive traits.

So, in essence, everyone is passive aggressive. Have a nice day!

Spacefarmer Dead Yet Again?

No my friends, he has been kidnapped by internet spammers.
Some of you may have noticed that the TUB went "off the air" in a "Midol Moment" courtesy of Spacefarmer. Well look at the TUB now. What the Hell, Spacefarmer selling car insurance? No my friends let me tell you what happened. It is called a internet spammer. They look for semi- popular blogs and websites, and when the person who owns them deletes the name or does not reregister the domain, these spammers scoop them up. With Blogger, this spammer just reactivated the name, and forwarded it to his crap. Why would they do this? Well any link to the TUB now goes there (traffic from those links, and adds to relevancy in search engines). In addition, the TUB becuase of it free for all nature, probably got a lot of weird search hits, which now will go to Mr. Spammer which by the way got all this publicity for free. In edition it will take most search engines a year to realize the TUB is dead, so now future search hits will go to Mr. Spammer. Interestingly, Spacefarmer still has his blogger account but is set to private; he is your private dancer, your dancer for money.

Sad part is, there in nothing Spacefarmer can do to get the TUB back, unless this spammers drops his claim on the name. In addion, let me get you in on a little secret. This site has been innuedated with referral links from Spam sites in the past 2 - 3 weeks. What is going on? Spies. This blog has become so popular, and has so many contributers, they are waiting for someone to do like Spacefarmer did, and then scoop up their blog or site.

The perils of Internet war.

I am Malach, your war correspondent.

For your depression...

....or, to get you more excited for the fall of the American Empire! Take some time and read this article on the abhorrent state of America's finances and deficit. Its worth reading, then stocking up on canned goods, finding some land in Maine to buy, and preparing for Red Dawn!
Here's a heartwarming quote to get you started:

"The U.S. government is effectively bankrupt," he wrote.
The available options to close the fiscal gap?
Hike income taxes by 78 per cent; slash Social Security and Medicare benefits by more than half; or eliminate all other discretionary spending.
"That," he concludes, "is America's menu of pain."

And for something a little less boring...

Check this site out.

Homelessness

The Problem with HUD.
Many of you know Malach works for a very large non-profit, directing their disability services. This non-profit also does a ton of work with homeless families and individuals, providing not only shelters, but transitional and permanent low income housing opportunities. Most of these programs are funded throught the Deprartment of Housing and Urban Development or HUD.

Homelessness is not what the majority of people think. Mental ill persons, pushing shopping carts and sleeping in cardboard boxes. Statistically single women with children are the most likely to become homeless. The leading contributers to homelessness are Addiction followed close behind by domestic violence. Most people are not "chronically homeless" they are someone who has hit a finicial hardship and through bad luck and timing are homeless.

The definition of homeless. A person who does not have a permanent place to live. This includes people living with other people on a temporary basis, people living in hotels and shelters, and those who who live on the street. Technically someone who is evicted or foreclosed on at that moment is homeless and remains so until they find a permanent living condition. Everyone can become homeless, and it is becoming more common with the middle class.

Now here is the problem, HUD's definition of homelessness:

A person is considered homeless only when he/she resides in one of the places described below:
· In places not meant for human habitation, such as cars, parks, sidewalks, abandoned buildings (on the street).
· In an emergency shelter.
· In transitional or supportive housing for homeless persons who originally came from the streets or emergency shelters.
· In any of the above places but is spending a short time (up to 30 consecutive days) in a hospital or other institution.
· Is being evicted within a week from a private dwelling unit and no subsequent residence has been identified and lacks resources and support networks needed to obtain housing.
· Is being discharged within a week from an institution, such as a mental health or substance abuse treatment facility or a jail/prison, in which the person has been a resident for more than 30 consecutive days and no subsequent residence has been identified and the person lacks the resources and support networks needed to obtain housing.

This means that HUD does not consider to be homeless: Persons living in housing, even though they are paying an excessive amount for their housing, the housing is substandard and in need of repair, or the housing is crowded; Persons living with relatives or friends; Persons staying in a motel, including a pay-by-the-week motels; to name a few.

One of the problems we constantly run into is that we cannot provide any support for someone who is homeless if they meet the above criteria. That make no sense. It needs to change.

75% of the clients we deal with are of the latter persuasion. I have had contact with clients who were living at the above situations, and all we could provide them for an options is to move into a shelter, so then they could be considered homeless, or somehow convince them they "are living in their car". This costs the government more to move a entire family to a shelter for a week, then send them to a long term program, that just put them in the program.

I am Malach and I am the am a political activist.

pervert perusal

While checking my website counter site referals, I noticed that someone had stumbled across the Fart Party after typing into the search engine: "fart on my penis." So, Mr. Pervy Pete, I hope you enjoyed your accidental stay at the Fart Party, although I'm afraid it may have been a far cry from your licentious cyber dalliances.

Brace Yourself / A Big Loss (a mult post)

1. Brace yourself, Massachusetts. Big storms a comin! Apparently, Hail the size of Golf Balls! NH has a tornado warning? Good lord this should be fun. Oh, and someone said there were earthquakes in Worcester. Can anyone confirm that?
2. Syd Barrett Dead at 60 - According to various reports, Pink Floyd legend Syd Barrett died in his Cambridgeshire home last Friday (July 7). Some sources say the cause was cancer, others report complications from diabetes.
   His brother Alan confirmed his death today, telling The Guardian "He died peacefully at home. There will be a private family funeral in the next few days."
   Born Roger Keith Barrett January 6, 1946, the singer/guitarist was present on Pink Floyd's influential The Piper at the Gates of Dawn (1967) and A Saucerful of Secrets (1968).
   He left the band at the pinnacle of his career in 1968 after suffering a drug-induced breakdown. After his departure from the group, he lived in the basement of his mother Winfred's home, boarding up the windows to avoid the press and fans. He recorded two solo records, The Madcap Laughs and Barrett, as well as Opel, a compilation album made up of rare and alternate material.

Well, statistically, it is still safer than swimming in the Bermuda Triangle.

As some of you may have heard this morning, a 3 ton slab of concrete fell from the ceiling of one of the tunnels going to the airport in Boston, landing on a car, killing one person and injuring another.

The actual cause of the failure is still under investigation, since this happened at 11pm last night. They do know that one of the ties holding the slab up gave way and this caused a chain reaction that resulted in the rest coming down.

This isn’t the first problem with the Big Dig construction, there have been a host of issues with faulty construction and outright fraud by some of the contractors which has led to the tunnels having flooding problems and who know what else will crop up in the future. This may not be related, it could be just one of those tragic accidents, But the fact that the failure of a single support can cause such a catastrophic failure does not speak highly of the design of the system.

If it turns out to be the result of a shortcut or otherwise callously negligent action by the contractor, like the flooding was, I hope there would be a criminal accounting to bring those to justice just as if they had dropped a bowling ball from the top of the Prudential building and killed someone that way.

Unfortunately, there is little in the way of personal accountability in that kind of situation, due to the nebulous passing of the buck that is commonplace with the Big Dig. Who would go to jail? The likely answer is no one. The company will be fined and the life of a 38 year old woman from Jamaica Plain will be further cheapened with a dollar amount, even as it was cheapened by someone who did not take their responsibility to their fellow human being seriously, because they either wanted to skim money off the top by buying inferior materials, or they just didn’t feel like doing their job competently one day.

My sympathy to the family of the victims, and I hope there is some form of justice in their future that will at least prevent this tragedy from becoming even worse for them.

Geek Mecca/Heaven/Shangri-La/Etc.

Well it's that time again, San Diego's International Comic-Con will start in a weeks time. Comic book nerds everywhere will get ready to get stuff signed and receive some free crap. And I am one of them. Last year I went it was amazing....Besides the part of being late and missing interviews with Kevin Smith and Bryan Singer.I believe this year would blow everything out of the water. Now I know, currently comicbook quality is at an all time low, they're other stuff that all nerds can enjoy.

Last year their was a big 18 wheeler truck with the words Transformers the Movie on it and I almost pooped myself! So this year would not be different. Interviews with Maxwell Atoms (Billy and Mandy), Kevin Smith (again). Aaron McGrudger, and many others. And this WOW poster will be right there getting ready to review the whole event....Unless others are going that contribute here which maybe a no. And heck....I may show some fun filled pictures when given the chance!

So tune in July 24th where I get to review the evil entity known as Comic-Con. That are you can watch the coverage on G4 you lazy bastards!

Oh my god, I can die happy!!! (again)

Dear God,

I meant it with all my heart when I say, THANK YOU.

Sincerely,
My Generation

P.S.: Thanks again!

NEWSFLASH

Dr. Murk's Brother Killed by Russians:

Russia's most wanted man, Chechen warlord “Shamil Basayev”, who’s real name was discovered to be Ronald Murk, has been killed in an operation by special forces, the state security chief told President Vladimir Putin on Monday.

Basayev Murk, one of the most hated men in Russia, claimed responsibility for the 2004 Beslan school attack. While it was reported that many children were killed, it is suspected that these children were exported to Dr. Robert Murk’s slave labor camps and forced to develop what is now known as Hill TV.

In a televised meeting with Patrushev, Putin described Basayev's death as "deserved retribution" for Beslan and other attacks. “We have yet to locate the whereabouts of Dr. Robert Murk in America, but know that we are working closely with the FBI and the CIA to locate him. I will get these children back, and I will kiss them like kittens. Cute little fuzzy kittens.”










CNN had no further comment after that last line.

Nerd Wars Part II . . . Superman, vs. The Hulk, vs. ???

A long running Internet Debate.
Since the Infancy of the internet Malach has run into superhero debates, Batman vs. Spiderman, the JLA vs. The X-men, Wolverine vs. the World. Perhaps the most intriguing, and the one always hardest to answer is Superman vs. The Hulk. Two being exceptionally strong, exceptionally invulnerable, the Hulk getting more powerful the angry he gets, and the Man with the cape with the bells as whistles (kind of hard to destroy something that flies at the speed of whatever, depending on the version of Superman). Of course since all these beings have different versions, you always assume the most powerful versions.

Malach used to love to enter these debates and bring in his wildcard. As geeks from across the world were yelling about Superman heat vision (the Super Lobotomy), and Hulk unlimted plateau of strength and invulnerabilty (Dude, he shrugged off Logan's claws), Malach would swoop is with a statement that always began something like this:

Pshaw, there someone who would wipe the floor with these two . . .

Of course that would get the nerds all riled up. Their nerdly glasses would steam, their pens would fly from their pocket protectors. And the answer from the nerds was always something to this effect.

Yeah right, who then?

Then Malach would pull out his wild card . . . that southern sweetie, Rogue. After the Nerd laughter (LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL) would die down, Malach would explain it quickly. How would the like of Superman and the Hulk defeat Rogue, who with a touch, would set them in a semi-trance state and drain their powers away? And if she held the touch long enough, out right kill them, permanent asorbing their powers?

Nerd would try, but they could never get around the touch and avoiding the touch. I think many of them had a problem that Rogue was female . . . Nerds are scared of Females. LOL nerds you lose.

I am Malach and I am NOT scared of females.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

Stars Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow, Orlando Bloom as Will Turner, and Keira Knightley as Elizabeth Swann.

Now when walking into the theather one would expect that this movie would have massive ammounts of swashbuckling adventure...Right? Wrong. While this movie may have a fair share of sword fights I feel that they don't really advace the plot of the story but instead showing how flashy people dressed up like the main characters can use a sword. The plot was mediocre at best in my opinion. I mean....Davy Jones' locker and the Flying Dutchman? How cliched can that be? The fact that the entire crew of the Flying Dutchman all CGI created makes me sick to my stomach. That much use of CGI should only stay in movies like the Lord of the Rings when needed. At least they have the time to use makeup instead of CGI.

However I did find what part of the movie that I like. That was the scenes with the Kraken. Though, unlike the humanoid type being from Clash of the Titans, this Kraken was more like a giant octopus or squid. Crappy plot and forced humor with one liners aside, this would be a pretty decent movie: to rent. While a bunch of fangirls (and boys) may want me to be torn to shreds I just felt that the movie could've done better and focus more on the plot. Let us hope that the sequel would do this series justice. Cause admit, Disney movies (non animated) haven't been doing to hot lately.

The Angry Veteran Invitational Poker Classic

My original post on a friendly poker game has been buried, so I've had to make a second post.

For those of you who are interested, I'll try this for the first time tomorrow. Go to FullTiltPoker.com on Saturday, July 8th at 10 a.m. Pacific Time (1 p.m. for our Eastern Time friends) and use the "Find a Player" tool to find me; AngryVeteran. "Find a Player" is under the "Requests" toolbar or you can just hotkey Ctrl-F. I'll try to be in the least full 5/10 No limit hold'em room available. Once you find me, join me, and say hello in the chat box.

Hopefully at least four or five of us can get into one room and be the majority at the table. If the room I am in is full, just join the waiting list and you should get in within five minutes.

This will be the first, but certainly not the last Invitational. In fact, whenever you are on FullTilt, use the find player to see if I'm around. If so, consider yourself invited to my table.

Shuffle up and deal!

Thank you Wikipedia

Gotta love the WikiNazi's.
Evidently this blog does not merit a entry into Wikipedia, but a huge list of racial and ethnic slurs does. So many new phrases to use!

I am Malach and you are all a bunch of Banana Blenders, except for the Angry Piper, that one, he's a BIFFO!

The Top Ten Reasons France Will Win the World Cup

The Top Ten Reasons France Will Win the World Cup

10. President Jacques Chirac has offered the winning team American passports.
9. Germany is not in the final match.
8. They have finally given up on using their "Maginot Line" defense.
7. The Democrats are backing Italy.
6. I have money on France.
5. Italian midfielders are too busy trying to have sex with all the women in the arena.
4. France has not lost strong, brave athletes to wartime victories in 190 years.
3. Sissies cry and draw fouls and penalty kicks and there are no bigger sissies than the French.
2. Lance Armstrong is not playing on the Italian team.

And the number one reason France will win the World Cup:

1. Zidane!

May contain advertising

New Murk and Malach Show

*NEW* Show 8 1/2: The Interview Show *NEW* :Murk and Malach delve into the archives and pull together all of your favorite interviews in one podcast. The even go one step further and interview God. Listen for the special Angry Piper Remix at minute 35:20. It's so hot! This is one of the larger files, so if you're pressed for time, use Real Media.

-MP3 -Real Media

Enjoy a steaming load of...

oh, and Murk, if you didn't believe me about Putin, here you go:

WoW, various stuff.

First some housekeeping.
WoW is pretty popular, now averaging about 400 unique veiws per day. Since March when we began, we have had just a shade under 9,000 unique veiw, and there has been an exponential increase. March and April only saw 1000 uniques combined; May and June, that increased to almost 5000 combined. July already has 2400, and it is only the 7th. This is obviously due to your hard work, and interesting/funny/controversial articles. We have even had a couple of reviews. For some reason I can only find one right now, it is located here, if I find the others, I will post links. The site is Qaisamazing.com. I am really not sure what the site is all about, it seems to be some type of directory, with a ranking list for particular subjecst (but this is not explained anywhere on the site, nor is clear how the rankings are done). WoW has a short review in its "Amazing Raciest" section. Problem. Becuase a lot of the site is misspelled and has a lot of bad grammar, I am not sure if "Raciest" refers to racisim or being racy. But what the hell, here's the review:

Wand Of Wonder:
Which is itself pretty amazing to have the top spot considering the site is only a week old. ... I am not a raciest person, (I hate everyone equally), but this story burned me.

Of course, it does not link to the story that "burns him" so I have no idea what he is talking about.

As for ort somewhat prolific traffic, where is it coming from? Well, here is a list of the top ten countries that visit WoW:

1. UNITED STATES - a full 68% of our visitors, no real surprise there
2. UNKNOWN - Unknown refers generall to three things, government agencies, some weird spiders, and spammers. This is real interesting for a site so recent created to have this many unknowns. - 17%
3. CANADA - Our Northern Neighbors make up 5% of our visitors, eh?
4. SPAIN - Surprisingly the UK is not the first European country on this list, but our bearded lady friends from Spain. 3%
5. CHINA - Nice, we haven't been blocked by the Chinese yet! 2%
6. INDIA - YPG and Auto C our resident Indians are doing a hell of a job driving Indian traffic here - 1%
7. BRAZIL - Those crazy Brazilian with thier waxed pubic areas make up 1%
8. UNITED KINGDOM - UK not really in the house with .5%
9. AUSTRALIA - Even worse with the Aussies at only .3%
10. MALAYSIA - and of all places Malayasia fills out the top ten at .3%

Surprisingly we got no Arabs here until Saudi Arabia at 19, with .1%. .1% also comes from Burkina Faso, a country I have never heard of, but looks like a cool place to visit. You can see by this top ten, the reason for the extreme amount of translation site hits.

Our most popular pages? This blog as a whole (with a full 52% of the visitors, the Main Site Page, The Podcasts, the RSS Feed, and the TOM info page. Our 5 most popular blog posts: Soccer and the United States, A Couple of Quickies (yeah weird, but this one has a couple of permanent links from Trumba and Technocrati), If I Were Leader of the Free World (heavily promoted on MySpace), Flight 77, and Ohh Daniel San! MY ARM! (again heavy MySpace Promotion). I think this shows how much traffic can be driven to a particular post from a few well placed links.

As for links? Where is traffic coming from? Again top 5: MySpace profiles, Links from Blogger (that includes individual blogs, advertising by blogger itself, and random links from blogger, Invision Free (several forums), Bitacle, and Google. The Keyword most used to find this site: third-option.com/wow. The Keyphrase: Yellowstone Death.

Rules vs. Guidelines
I would like to expand upon Murk's post from yesterday. I really don't want to create a set of hard and fast rules for this site but on the other hand, this is not a forum, nor do I want a extreme free-for-all post as your whim dictatestype of blog either. I would like a balance here. As for rules, there is one or two: no posted porn (now this is not a hard and fast rule, there are exceptions, stuff that might be funny, or interesting from a news standpoint, or for example weird site links like Suicide Girls, or someone you went to high school with). In addition I don't think we would support any type of extreme violent racist propoganda or something like How to Make a Homemade Bomb (here come those Unknown Visitors).

As for some guidelines. Guidelines are just that. They are not rigid but more of suggestions. I would prefer not to see people posting multiple posts in a row, I really don't see the purpose to posting 3 different entries in a row. I would also prefer not to see more than two posts in one day by a particular contributer. Again, this could change based upon case by case situations. I would also prefer to limit the amount of profanity within main posts (comments don't matter). There is a reason for this. I don't want this site labeled as a mature +21 site. This will allow much more visitors to the site, and the site not to be blocked by blocking software. Spiders, pick up on the language and categorize it. While I am not saying never swear, limit it, make it more effective when you use it. As general if I were going to rate this site for minimum age it would like it to be 14+ with occasion forays into 17+. As for posts, blogger has a spell check. Use it. (I also understand that some of our contributers, English is a second language, don't worry about it so much if that is the case). As for posts themselves, again just a guidelines. Short posts. I don't mind short posts, but would prefer people not post multiple short seperate posts over the course of a 24 hour period. Blogger has a nice feature of "save posts as drafts". So I propose instead of post three short posts over the course of of the day, post them all in one saved draft and at the end of the day publish them. Again not a strict rule, sometimes events beget multiple short posts. Also (this is not meant to pick on anyone), short post like this while interesting could probably be made more interesting with a bit more thought put into it and the post expanded. On the other hand, this is a very short post, but well done.

As a whole, I would prefer to leave this blog for longer posts, and not someone's personal dumping ground for everthing interesting you find. I fear losing readers if the fun stuff going on gets buried too fast (and I have the main page set to show 14 days worth of posts). I also don't want to discourage anyone from posting. That what has makes this blog awesome. Moderation I guess is the key. And I have no problem with people advertising their own stuff. Link to your site when you post. Link to posts on your blog if you want people to see your stuff. Example: Murk has 5 things he wants to talk about, Murk could post half here (the half here in one post) and half at his blog and link back and forth, or he could post one thing here he wants to expand on and the rest on his blog, with a link saying "for more of Murk's thoughts go here (with a link)".

Again one extreme, too much posting, is as bad as the other, no one posting. Use your onw personal common sense.

Funny Stuff.
Check out 419eater.com. Basically, these guys mess around with scammers/spammers, going along with their schemes (IE the Nigerian Scammers), and convicing the scammers to send them things like pictures. There are some funny, funny things on this site, for example the case of Samuel Eze. It is funny some of the stuff they got this guy to do.

I am Malach and I rule with a pillow fist.

Just a reminder

This is not a forum. It's a blog. It's the wand of wonder, so the content isn't what's important. What is important is that you don't spam the blog. If you have five decent posts, fine put them up. If you have five pictures you think are funny, fine as well. But remember that there are more than 20 other contributers here and most of them don't appreciate it when you bury their stuff under 8 posts which most of us have seen at other blogs or on CNN.

The point is, overposting to WoW will get you banned. Please use your own blogs if you want to post more than a few articles a day, then just come back and give us a summary.

This has nothing to do with content. We don't want someone who posts once a day to have their article buried in 10 minutes by a few of us who have a hyperactive publish button.

WoW articles are special. Let's not cheapen them by posting every little thing that we find.

Think of WoW as the "All Star Blog". We're all here because we write good, funny and interesting stuff. It's not a posting contest. When two contributors post 18 times in one day, people get mad. It isn't fair and it sure as hell makes reading this blog a drag. Variety is what we want to offer.

The comments section are fair game. Comment all you want.

Yes I am serious and no I am not just being a dick. People are not too thrilled. When they ain't thrilled, I ain't thrilled.

And Hobbs, tone it down son. Don't quote the rules to the guys who wrote the rules. We can always change them. Hell, we can even break them. This blog is on our site. I'd ahte to ban you just because you wanted to see if I'd get pissed. Truth be told, this conversation belongs in an email, but you wanted to f*ck on stage, so this is what you get.

Murk

Happy Birthday, Mr. President.

Today is G.W. Bush's birthday. From my Daily Show calendar:

"Although the President isn't actually required to salute anyone, George W. Bush does it often, because it's something he doesn't know."

Also, today is the one year anniversary of the London bombings. For my thoughts on them last year, look here. I pretty much still feel the same way. Post any comments here, at the WOW.

WTF is up with Putin?

..and CNN today. This is taken word for word, the headline:

Putin kissed boy 'like a kitten'

Vladimir Putin's decision to stop a small boy as he walked through the Kremlin and kiss his stomach was prompted by a desire to "touch him like a kitten," the Russian president said on Thursday.
The five-year-old boy, identified as Nikita Konkin by the press, was clearly stunned by the kiss and speculation over Putin's motivation has run wild in the week since it happened.

"People came up and I began talking to them, among them this little boy. He seemed to me very independent, sure of himself and at the same time defenseless so to speak, an innocent boy and a very nice little boy," Putin told the Web cast.
"I tell you honestly, I just wanted to touch him like a kitten and that desire of mine ended in that act."

Putin was shown by state television chatting to graduates of military academies before he took a walk through one of the Kremlin's courtyards, often full of tourists.
He stopped and spoke to Nikita who turned away shyly. "What is your name?" Putin asked, kneeling down in front of the fair-haired boy and holding him by the waist.
"Nikita," the clearly shocked boy answered, looking from side to side.
Putin then lifted the boy's shirt and kissed him on his stomach. The Russian president then patted the boy on the head and walked off through a crowd of astonished tourists.

Please...

..can someone give me a concrete reason why people are opposed to gay marriage? I am so confused as to how this could make a negative difference in anyones lives. And now, I'd like to give a hearty F.You to both Georgia (one of those southern idiot high divorce rate states), and surprisingly, one of the supposed mecca's of modern thought, New York City. To the judges, courts, and politicians of those states who reinstated a ban on gay marriage (Georgia) and who's courts stated that a 97 friggin year old law can still be valid by banning gay marriage and yet is not discrimination (New York), thanks for setting back the 'evolved mentality' of our country yet again. You are poor excuses for human beings, and I will personally come to your house and bitch slap you. And I'm not even gay. Human rights are not up for grabs, and not up to voters. I don't need some drunken couch surfing dirtball determining my rights, and neither do gay people. So, get bent, and get out. You don't deserve this country.

Organization and Navigation

Since this blog has gone nuts . .
With traffic, new visitors, and new posts, weekly or perhaps every few days. I think I will organize all the recent posts for easy navigation. This is an experiment tell me if you like it.

Posts from 7/6/06
A City Mourns
THANK YOU, CNN!
Dance the World War III
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
The name of this thing sounds like a stupid TV series on the Sci Fi channel!

7/5/06
Now, that's some WOW action right there.
BE AFRAID!
Wow. Does this mean Santa is on Prozac?
Who is serious?
A Bear in Billings
The funny part is, that fucker didn't even live long enough to spend all the stolen money.

7/4/06
VIOLATION!
The Symbol-Minded are Simple-Minded.
Independence Day!

7/3/06

FORD: "Fixed Or Repaired Daily" or "Found On Road Dead"?
North Korea ate some bad Kimchi
Now this is funny.

7/2/06
Blondes
God's Gonna Cut You Down

7/1/06
Superman returns me to a simpler time
The Heirarchy of American Sports
NASA scrubs today's planned Shuttle launch
A Continuation of Why Soccer Isn't Important to the U.S.
Superman Returns
Freaking Emo Kid

Categories:

Sports/Soccer/World Cup
A City Mourns
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
The Heirarchy of American Sports
A Continuation of Why Soccer Isn't Important to the U.S.

Comedy
THANK YOU, CNN!
Now, that's some WOW action right there.
BE AFRAID!
Who is serious?
A Bear in Billings
Now this is funny.
NASA scrubs today's planned Shuttle launch

News
Dance the World War III
The name of this thing sounds like a stupid TV series on the Sci Fi channel!
Wow. Does this mean Santa is on Prozac?
North Korea ate some bad Kimchi
The funny part is, that fucker didn't even live long enough to spend all the stolen money.

Independence Day/Flag Burning
VIOLATION!
The Symbol-Minded are Simple-Minded.
Independence Day!

Business
FORD: "Fixed Or Repaired Daily" or "Found On Road Dead"?

Social Scene
Blondes
Freaking Emo Kid

Entertainment
God's Gonna Cut You Down
Superman returns me to a simpler time
Superman Returns

I am Malach, and I am copyrighting the Malach Decimal System.

A City Mourns

As the hangovers slowly make themselves know, an entire city cries out with one voice, "Wha? Portugal lose? Wha happine? Weddermy pance, heh? Wassa goin on? I'm ascared!"

Fall River, MA is largely inhabited by Portuguese people. In fact, so is pretty much every city and town from Providence to Cape Cod. Yesterday, they were too drunk to realize it, but today as the world prepares for the soccer equivalent of World War II (France v Italy), the Portuguese in the sleepy hamlets of the fertile coastal crescent of Massachusetts are admitting defeat.

Thank God.

Don't get me wrong, this isn't a hate on the Portuguese post, but it was getting a bit tired hearing all the crap about how great their team was. They were never that good. Their star was a girl named Christine Reynaldo, who apparently tried to steal the image of another player with the same last name or something. This guy is a dumb baby. He would cry and fall down and cry and whine. I digress. In short, their team was representative of everything that is wrong with soccer today. And I should know. I'm an expert on soccer.

So, when France scored the winning goal on a penalty kick, I had to do what any proud French Canadian descendant would do. I cranked the TV and shouted "GOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAL!" at my asshole Portagee neighbor who always has his garage door open with his radio cranking on the Portagee station. I shouted and whooped and hollered GOOOOAAAALLLL! like fifty times. I did a victory lap around my house with the French flag, ate some French Fries with French bread while wearing a beret on my front porch and sang the Canadian National Anthem (at least the part I know, over and over again) until he slammed his garage door and changed the station back to music instead of the game.

That p*ssy didn't even listen to the rest of the game!!! He's a baby just like his team and his country.

The French may be a bunch of cheese eating surrender monkeys, but at least we're not Portugal.

THANK YOU, CNN!

For finally admitting the truth. The US Government relies on Untelligence, not Intelligence!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Lookit the Portugees Cry!
Cafe Mimo, New Bedford MA (RSS News) - Intense wailing and lementations could be heard up and down Acushnet Ave yesturday as Portugal lost to of all teams, the dreaded French. The Flag's were dropped to half staff at Medeira Feild, and several old Portuguese men were found dead, hung outside the Portuguese Consul.

"I am so sad," screamed local Portugee Manny Medieros . . . "I think I will go put another statue of the Virgin Maria on my front lawn . . . in half a bathtub. It will look so good with the ceramic donkeys" It was devestating across the city as grape vines over driveways wilted, and Fragoza's Linguica Factory imploded.

"This was the greatest thing to happen to Portugal since deodorant was introduced," said Tony Arruda in a thick portuguese accent. "No, this was the greatest World Cup Team ever, they got robbed!"

Mayor Scott Lang, visibly shaken, said at a press conference" . . . yeah, can you believe they lost . . . three in a row to the Tampa Bay (censored) Devil Rays, damn it . . . what . . . huh . . . what . . . soccer? Who gives a (censored) about soccer."

All over the city, Portuguese flags were taken down, national team shirts were shredded and mixed into the bucalhau, and moonshine stills were destroyed. A woman only known as Clotilde stated "Ahh who cares, they lost, they suck anyway, now that Zidane, that is a man! Mommy's bringing you home a new Daddy!"

It was a sad day in the city, one the we shall not recover from anytime soon.

I am Malach and I am a serious reporter.

BE AFRAID!

You think the Spacefarmer post was scary?
You ain't seen Jack. Malach would like to reintroduce, the new and improved . . . .



CHUCKACONDE!









CHUCKACONDE!







Chuckaconde, let me rock you
Let me rock you, Chuckaconde
Let me rock you, that's all I wanna do
Chuckaconde, let me rock you
Let me rock you, Chuckaconde
Let me rock you, let me feel for you
Chuckaconde let me tell you what I wanna do
Do you feel for me, the way I feel for you
Chuckaconde let me tell you what I wanna do
I wanna love you, wanna hug you, wanna squeeze you too
Let me take you in my arms
Let me fill you with my charms, Chucka
'Cause you know that I'm the one to keep you warm
Chucka, I'll make you more than just a physical dream
I wanna rock you, CondeBaby, cause you make me wanna scream
Let me rock you, rock you

I feel for you . . .
















I am Malach and I feel for all of you.

A Bear in Billings

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.

The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.

The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings"

The bear goes to the end of the bar, and as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.

The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."

The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs."

The bartender says, "You are now. That was a bar-bitch you ate!"

VIOLATION!

Flag Violations!






Dubya writing on a flag . . . FOR SHAME!














Kid Suck, whoops Rock. Wearing the flag, and displaying it in the wrong direction. COMMIE!















Malach the Merciless, not only displaying the flag correctly, but also having the correct proportions, the correct number of stripes and stars . . . A TRUE PATRIOT!















I am Malach and I am a true patriot.

The Symbol-Minded are Simple-Minded.

Every election year around this time we get the Uber Patriots pushing for the passage of a Constitutional amendment preventing the desecration of the American flag. Because as everyone knows, if there is one thing the founding fathers expected, was for the Constitution to have an amendment added for such a trivial thing. Don't think it's trivial? Keep reading this and you'll see why if you support a flag burning amendment you're a total baby. Not to mention a rube, because the only reason why this thing gets brought up is for the politicians to play on your emotions during an election year.

The amusing thing is; the uber patriots I see every 4th are disrespectful of the flag in far worse ways that some hippy setting fire to it.

You want to show how damn patriotic you are, how about you start by educateing yourself and read the fuckin RULES OF THE FLAG!

Here is a page that covers the rules of the flag. You may not be able to handle all of them, (since it requires that you actually retain what you READ), but there are some pretty basic ideas even a drooling idiot like yourself can integrate into your swiss-cheese like brain.

Guess what, square head, the American flag on the paper plates, the napkins and the shirt you wear, as well as the sun bleached pink and blue sticker you have on your back windshield are all desecrations to the flag! The flag isn't a logo! It's The Flag! Eating your 4th of July wieners off of it, then wiping your filthy drooling mouth with the napkin and sweating your fat ass off on the shirt are NOT RESPECTFUL, they are soiling it!

Oh and the cheap plastic or cloth flag, are made in China! You clueless whelp! Yeah, they may say MADE IN AMERICA but that just means the cheap scrap of cloth was stapled to the stick here, all the components were made in the Middle Kingdom.

So, how is that dirty hippy burning the flag in protest showing it more respect than you are with your display of that Flag-themed tablecloth? Here are three reasons;

A: At least they are actually participating in their democratic society by staging a protest, something you probably can't be bothered to do.

B: By burning the flag, they are demonstrating what makes this country better than China, they get to express whatever the fucking opinion they want and not get shot for it. That means someone can demonstrate political ideals in ways that YOU don't like.

C: The proper way to dispose of a flag is to BURN IT! Did you properly dispose of all those "flags" you used on the last Fourth of July? Or are they buried under a ton of filth in the local landfill?

Finally, to my main point; What is your justification for wanting a flag burning amendment to the Constitution?

You say "Oh, I find it offensive!"

In other words; "It hurts my FEEEELIIINGS!"

You want some cheese with that whine?

Think about that! You want the government to be able to arrest people because they HURT YOUR FEELINGS! What are you, five years old?! What is with you people and wanting the government to shield you from anything that might make you cry, whether it's other people getting married, or Janet Jackson's tit on TV?

Stop being such an embarrassingly weak person! Stop shaming your countrymen with such juvenile emotional insecurity! You're living in a free country, show us that you deserve that privilege by acting like an adult who can pay the price for freedom with even a tiny bit of mental courage!

Grow up!

But if you're just incapable of having your political testicles drop, then this evening, when walking around, dribbling your Schlitz beer on your worn out red white and blue T-shirt, with the yellow stains under the arm, do us all a favor and please try to get as close to the fireworks as possible. Make like a moth, and go towards the pretty lights.

Don't let the safety fence stop you.

Independence Day!

Happy Birthday America and Denmark!

On this Day according to the WikiNazis!

993 - Saint Ulrich of Augsburg canonized.
1054 - A supernova is observed by the Chinese and Amerindians near the star ζ Tauri. For several months it remains bright enough to be seen during the day. Its remnants form the Crab Nebula.
1187 - Saladin defeats Guy of Lusignan, King of Jerusalem, at the Battle of Hattin.
1636 - City of Providence, Rhode Island forms.
1712 - 12 slaves are executed in New York for starting an uprising that killed 9 whites
1803 - The Louisiana Purchase is announced to the American people.
1826 - Fiftieth anniversary of the Declaration of Independence, on which John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, two of the Founding Fathers of the United States of America, died.
1827 - Slavery is abolished in New York State.
1840 - The Cunard Line's 700 ton wooden paddle steamer RMS Britannia departs from Liverpool bound for Halifax, Nova Scotia on the first transatlantic passenger cruise.
1845 - Near Concord, Massachusetts, Henry David Thoreau embarks on a two-year experiment in simple living at Walden Pond (see Walden).
1862 - Lewis Carroll tells Alice Liddell a story that would grow into Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and its sequels.
1865 - Alice's Adventures in Wonderland is published.
1892 - Western Samoa changes the International Date Line, so that year there were 367 days in this country, with two occurrences of Monday, July 4.
1894 - The short-lived Republic of Hawaii is proclaimed by Sanford B. Dole.
1910 - African-American boxer Jack Johnson knocks out white boxer Jim Jeffries in a heavyweight boxing match sparking race riots across the United States.
1918 - Bolsheviks kill Tsar Nicholas II of Russia and his family (Julian calendar date).
1934 - Leo Szilard patents the chain-reaction design for the atomic bomb.
1939 - Lou Gehrig, recently diagnosed with Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, tells a crowd at Yankee Stadium that he considered himself "The luckiest man on the face of the earth" as he announces his retirement from major league baseball.
1946 - After 381 years of colonial rule, the Philippines is granted full independence by the United States.
1947 - "Indian Independence Bill" is presented before British House of Commons, suggesting bifurcation of British India into two sovereign coutries - India and Pakistan.
1950 - First broadcast by Radio Free Europe.
1959 - With the admission of Alaska as the 49th U.S. state earlier in the year, the 49-star flag of the United States debuts in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
1960 - Due to the post-Independence Day admission of Hawaii as the 50th U.S. state on August 21, 1959, the 50-star flag of the United States debuts in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania almost ten and a half months later (see Flag Act).
1966 - President Lyndon B. Johnson signs the Freedom of Information Act into United States law. The act goes into effect the next year.
1997 - NASA's Pathfinder space probe lands on the surface of Mars.
2004 - The cornerstone of the Freedom Tower is laid on the site of the World Trade Center in New York City. (This was largely a symbolic event; actual construction would not start for several weeks)
2005 - The Deep Impact collider hits the comet Tempel 1.

Good Times.

Happy Independence Day to the lot of you! And to my Fillipino brothers, Happy Filipino-American Friendship Day !

I am Malach, and don't you LOVE our new theme song?

FORD: "Fixed Or Repaired Daily" or "Found On Road Dead"?

"DETROIT (Reuters) -- Ford and Daimler Chrysler Monday reported much slower U.S. sales in June. Ford said that U.S. vehicle sales fell 7 percent last month, hurt by a decline in truck sales. Daimler Chrysler said U.S. vehicle sales fell 13 percent, led by a decline in its truck-heavy Dodge brand and its Jeep sport utility vehicles."

My first two cars were Chrysler products, my third and final car was a Ford. I grew up in a household that was very clear on the obligation to "buy American." My grandfather fought in World War II and to buy a German or Japanese car was tantamount to treason; luckily he passed before Daimler bought Chrysler. I can only imagine how horrified he would have been. The rest of my family was also very patriotic when it came to automobile purchases. (MOPAR!)

So, I was never really comfortable with the idea of buying a foreign car. Truth be told, it was a little uncomfortable to be a man in my town/family who was looking to buy a car rather than a truck. Thus, bringing home a foreign car would have been about as comfortable as bringing home a boyfriend. Result, an American car it was.

As I read the Reuters article today, I remembered what lousy cars all three were. Things were constantly breaking or needing repair. My first car was used, so I can give some leeway there, but the next two were brand new.

At this point, looking at automobile reviews, I can't imagine there is any reason to buy an American nameplate unless you "must" buy American or are in love with a specific model. If I move out of the city and need to buy a car again, it sure won't be a Ford or Chrysler.

North Korea ate some bad Kimchi

From the AP: "North Korea would respond to a pre-emptive U.S. military attack with an "annihilating strike and a nuclear war," the state-run media said Monday, heightening anti-U.S. rhetoric amid close scrutiny of its missile program. The Korean Central News Agency, citing an unidentified Rodong Sinmun newspaper "analyst," accused the United States of increasing military pressure on the isolated communist state and basing new spy planes on the Korean Peninsula."

Big talk from a country that has this article from the AP in 2004: "North Korea's isolated Stalinist regime has relied on foreign aid to feed its people since revealing in the mid-1990s that its state-run farming industry had collapsed following decades of mismanagement and the loss of Soviet subsidies. WFP plans this year to feed a total of 6.2 million of the North's 20 million people — "core beneficiaries" plus people who are paid with food for doing farming and other work. That amounts to 40,000 tons of food aid a month — mostly rice, wheat, corn, sugar and high-protein wheat biscuits."

The U.S. and other food donor nations to the World Food Program (WFP) are feeding North Korea. The WFP donations to North Korea (NK) are actions that I have always had grave misgivings about. The WFP policy seems to have to assumptions:

1. Sending food to NK helps the innocent and hungry.
2. If the WFP doesn't feed NK, the NK government will have no choice but to invade South Korea to avoid mass starvation.

My response:

1. The NK takes that food and diverts it to their army and lets the innocent and hungry starve. Further, because it is a totalitarian state, no one on the outside can confirm the distribution of the food donations or death counts.
2. NK has been bunkered into the mountains for 50 years. You can't invade NK, but its military is not trained and equipped for an invasion and occupation of South Korea. True, many North and South Koreans will die - as well as U.S. troops along the DMZ - but you are not going to lose South Korea to Pyongyang. Hell, one Hyundai plant in the South has more manufacturing capacity than all of NK.

So, we are now at the point where we have fed NK long enough so that they could develop and deploy nuclear weapons. Time to shut off the food.

Now this is funny.

Search Phrase of the Day.
This is an actual search phrase someone used to find this site:

online web site for teens that have fun games that are popular and funny and violent

I wonder if they found what they were looking for?

I am Malach and make it so number one.

Blondes

What are up with blondes? They act all cute and not guilty but deep inside.. THERE FUCKING RETARDS. They try so hard not to show there stupidness, but they fail worse then hitler did. I mean, Hitler actually got something done. All blondes do it take up out oxygen. What is up with that? I mean.. why waste our air on them? I got bit by a blonde today. I had to get 2 rabies shots. :(

God's Gonna Cut You Down

Johnny Cash.
Most of you know Malach is a huge Johnny Cash fan, especially the way he reinvented himself in the last year of his life; the American Recordings and the powerful stuff he did with Rick Rubin.

He has the last of the album coming out on Tuesday, American IV: A Hundred Highways. I have heard nothing but amazing reviews for this album. MySpace has the entire album loaded up as a preview, I am listening to it now. I can only describe it as bone chilling and absolutley amazing. Check it out here. You need to especially listen to the remake of the Gordon Lightfoot song If You Could Read My Mind.

I am Malach and I bring you the good shiite.

Superman returns me to a simpler time

Let me put this commentary in perspective. I'm entering my mid thirties and one of my earliest memories includes the original Superman movie. Perhaps I'm about to be too sentimental, but here it goes.

One of my very first memories is being at the Westport Drive-In Movie with my mom, dad, and little brother. The Westport Drive-In was a big outdoor screen right off of Route 6 and it was falling apart even back then. The four of us were in a late model, yellow Ford LTD sedan and the little speakerbox hung on the inside of the driver's window. Some people were on their hoods on blankets, others were in pick up trucks, parked backwards and watching from folding lawn chairs in the bed of the truck. As always, everyone had snuck in their own beer and food to avoid the concession stand. Bags of popcorn from the Cumberland Farms really didn't compete with the smell of hot buttered popcorn, but those were the breaks, kiddo.

I remember when the Superman movie began. Even the crackles of the tin speaker hanging on the window couldn't take away from that soundtrack. From the opening credits I was mesmerized: the music, the big blue credits that stretched out, the characters, the flying man of steel - it was the perfect movie. I was heartbroken to find out that "doublefeature" didn't mean that they show the movie again. I fell asleep in the back seat as the next movie was dragging on. Who wants to watch a movie about a boxer when you can see a movieabout Superman? (Yes, at the time, I did not appreciate "Rocky" as the second film.)

So, that brings me to today's matinee. I sat in the plush, auditorium style seat and soaked it all in. The score was there, Marlin Brando's voiceover was there, the good deeds, evil plans, and heroic acts were there - it was a movie and nostalgia all at the same time. It has been a long while since I thought of the old Westport Drive-In; it is closed, parceled off, and used for some kind of equipment storage now. The old screen and driveway are still there, overgrown by nature and just waiting for the land to be valuable enough to make it worth the cost of demolition of the screen to purchase and use the land.

Superman returns left me with good feelings, yet, also with a tinge of sadness about having lost those wonderful, innocent younger days. The days when my biggest problem was Cumberland Farms popcorn versus fresh popped - a simpler time that I miss. In any case, I'm happy to have Superman return, even if those simpler times never will.

The Heirarchy of American Sports

In America, we don't give a fat figgity f*ck what any other country considers to be the greatest sport. We form our opninions based on fact. When Hojo called all soccer fans idiots, it was because he was uninformed as far as the facts are concerned. Soccer fans are not merely idiots, but douchebags.

This is for Toyi so that she can understand a bit more of how sports in America are ranked as far as their entertainment value and why. No insult, my El Salvadorian blogmate. Just informing.

Sports are entertaining for two reasons. Great big tough athletes, and violence. The only rule that counters these is one I like to call The Ol' Canadian Number 5!!! No Canadians, or at the very least, minimal Canadians.

1. Football - Real men beating each other within inches of their lives. THE premiere athletes.

2. Basketball - Ganstas and Rapists who can run and jump like cheetahs on crystal meth. Sometimes they even hit each other.

3. Baseball - Drunks, gamblers, wife abusers. A fun bunch, but most are not up to the athletic endeavors of things like running or punching. Most of them fall over when making plays, or get hurt rounding the bases.

4. F*ckball - a.k.a. soccer, a.k.a. European Football (figures). A sport where grown men writhe in pain when tripped like a fourth grader. This is what all the kids who get cut from the previous three sports play when their moms refuse to let them take karate.

5. Hockey - Canadians. See the rules.

That's it. Now everyone can make informed statements regarding soccer idiots.

Murk

A Continuation of Why Soccer Isn't Important to the U.S.

A couple of days ago, Malach posted an interesting article on why the sport of soccer (football) is not as popular in the United States as it is in the rest of the world. He made many valid points, and as far as I'm concerned he is totally correct, but he failed to mention one point:

Soccer Fans Are Idiots!

Soccer isn't so important to me that I'd actually neglect the safety of my family and wander around looking for a socket while my house smolders in the background. Enjoy, fellas.

Superman Returns

A Short Summary
Superman Returns stars Brandon Routh as Superman/Clark Kent, Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane, and Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor. Also starring in the movie are James Mardsen as Richard White (nephew of Perry White), Frank Langella as Perry White, Sam Huntington as Jimmy Olsen, and the zombie Marlon Brando as Jor-El.

The movie takes place five years after Superman II, disregarding the last two movies which were horrible in quality of story, it has Superman returning to Earth after leaving to see what's left of Krypton and trying to find if their was any survivors. When returning to work at the Daily Planet, and discovers that Lois Lane has moved on with her life and is engaged to Richard White. She also has a son by the name of Jason Lane...Supposedly Richard's son. He also discovers that Lex Luthor has been recently released from prison because Superman wasn't there to testify against him in court.

Lex Luthor arrives at the Fortress of Solitude and steals data crystals in order to make his own continent and hold the world hostage. His plans would result in the deaths of "billions" as he puts it. When he launched a crystal into the Atlantic Ocean it causes major earthquakes for Metropolis as the continent forms of the coast. Superman rushes to prevent any further damage and when done, flew to where the continent is and where Luthor is too.

Landing on the forming continent, he discovers that Luthor was able to have the crystal fused with Kryptonite and that the continent is laced with Kryptonite. His powers weakening, Luthor and his men begins to beat Superman into a bloody pulp. Then, Luthor suddenly pulls a sharp piece of Kryptonite out and stabs Superman in the back with it letting him fall a long distance into the water.

After being rescued by Lois Lane and Richard White....And the shard of Kryptonite pulled out, Superman flies up and regains his strength by absorbing the sunlight. With his powers back, he dives into the water and goes to the bottom of the continent. He then begins to lift the entire continent (which is fused with Kryptonite) into space a hurls it into space. With most of his strength sapped because of the Kryptonite, he begins to fall back to Earth, unconscious.

Later, in the hospital, he awakens and goes to the house of Lois Lane and Richard White to visit Jason. Throughout the movie we discover that Jason may be in fact Superman's son and not Richard's, the scene towards the end implies that Superman knows this too. Before flying off, Lois asks him will she see him around and with Superman replying that, "I'm always around." The End.

Though I did not include other scenes like Superman rescuing Richard, Lois, and Jason from Luthor's ship and Superman saving passengers on a plane that is about to crash that is sinking this is the basic plot of the movie. Bryan Singer did an excellent job bringing Superman back to the silver screen. Though it's not really an action film but focusing more one the relationship between Clark and Lois this movie is still excellent. The special effects that were used were astounding and his flying looks more fluid than the original Donner film, which was excellent also. This movie is great for everyone and I recommend it for anyone who would be interested in seeing it. You don't even have to like the comics or the original to like this movie.

The trend continues

Once again . . .
460 Unique hits, and thanks to Trumba. They enjoyed my little review of their calendar programs and posted a link on their blog. It also got picked up in Technocrati and they left us a little message.

Gonna have to begin discussing advertising rates for WoW. If that occurs I will contact you all with a breakdown of payment.

I am Malach, and the WoWees are fuggin' huge!