A WoW Christmas Eve

‘Twas the night before Christmas
Angry Piper was pissed.
He’d fell asleep checking
His WoW Christmas list.

His beer glass was empty
Its contents now spilt
To mix with stale gin
On the Piper’s plaid kilt.

The shopping, the presents,
Made Christmas a chore,
The wet list on his lap
He looked over once more.

For Palmer some comics,
Just Me gets some shoes;
Dragoon needs some Guinness
Though he doesn’t drink booze.

Because he’s so Irish
A potato for Crumb;
For Malach some chaps
That show off his bum.

A clown nose for Shimmer,
Since she makes the jokes;
Angry Vet gets the Camels
Because it’s well-known he smokes.

Da Ali G Show for Hojo
Since he liked Borat;
A bikini for Toyi
Piper wants some of that!

A science kit for the Mantis
To fix his bug mug,
A Wii for Linkmaster,
AngryMan gets a hug.

For Hobbs: Painful Death!!!!
Sweet revenge most sublime!
For the Cap’n
An inflatable Optimus Prime.

The remaining Wowees
He chose not to flatter.
A sad fact of life:
You don’t post, you don’t matter.

Then a slap to the forehead
Oh Christ! What a jerk!
When making his list
He forgot Dr. Murk!

But what to get Murk?
He lives the High Life!
A palatial estate!
A smokin’ hot Asian wife!

A mustache trimmer?
His facial hair’s fake!
“I know!” said the Piper.
“Last year’s old fruitcake!”

Fruitcake: a creation
Of some sadist elf;
This one weighed as much
As the Piper himself!

Re-gifting always gave
The Piper good cheer.
He rose from his chair.
He refilled his beer.

And I heard him exclaim
As he raised his glass high,
“Merry Christmas to the WoW!
(And Hobbs-may you die!!)



Merry Christmas, everyone.